Q: My son just got engaged to be married. As he and his fiancée prepare for life together, what advice would you give them for building a solid relationship?

Jim: There are all sorts of ways I could go with this, but I'd start by asking them this: How many times have you faced a problem and looked for the easiest way out? That's not an unusual response. But the easiest way isn't always the best one.

When we encounter trials, how we respond matters more than we think. Responding well not only makes it more likely that the problem itself will get resolved, it prepares us to better handle future crises as well. That's because a healthy response to a serious issue bolsters our character and further matures us as individuals -- and, in marriage, as a couple.

Take a marriage crisis, for example. Some couples don't handle conflict well. They insult each other, act petty or behave with a harsh, critical attitude that makes their problems worse. It's like cleaning up a spill with an oily rag. The whole mess gets worse, not better.

On the other hand, couples who treat each other with respect in the middle of conflict stand a much better chance of healing their marriage. They're more likely to resolve the issue they're facing today, and they put themselves in a better position to correct issues down the road.

So, I'd tell your son and his bride-to-be: When we face a serious life challenge (and we all do), the goal isn't simply to correct the problem by any means necessary. How we resolve it is just as important. We'll either act in a way that enhances our character or in a way that diminishes it.

Q: My preteen kids keep begging for smartphones. Most of their friends already have their own (expensive) phones, but I'm still reluctant. Do you have guidelines for when we should let our children have phones?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: It makes sense that your preteen is begging for a smartphone. If we're honest, we would have done the same thing at that age. But that doesn't make having a smartphone as a preteen a great idea.

Smartphones can be addictive distractions for any of us, but especially children. While these devices can be very practical and convenient, they also give kids wide-open access to the internet and the dangers that come with it (online bullies, pornography, child predators, etc.) -- even with incredibly sophisticated monitoring and filtering apps. And it doesn't take long for chores to get overlooked, physical activity to be tossed aside or schoolwork to fall by the wayside.

The average age a child gets their own smartphone is 10 years old and dropping. Even kids as young as six or seven often have one. However, elementary school kids are not ready developmentally for the onslaught on their attention and time, as well as the various temptations smartphones provide at their fingertips.

Generally speaking, the longer you wait to give your children a smartphone, the better. Most experts would agree that later is safer and smarter. Much depends on your child's personality and maturity level, but most researchers agree that 12 to 14 is about as young as parents should go for a full-capability smartphone. Even then, it's best for the phone to initially be for emergencies only to gauge how your child manages limits, trust and correction.

Parents don't have to be alarmists and oppose all technology. But we do need to be realistic and wise about the risks smartphones pose to (especially) young children.

For more resources and tips, see FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Looking back on my own teen years, I had a pretty rough time emotionally. Now my daughter is 12 years old. As her mom, what can I do to help her through what I expect to be a challenging season in her life?

Jim: Of course I'm a dad who raised two boys, but I understand -- so I asked our staff counselors for input on this question. They emphasized that a mother's importance to a teenage daughter can't be overstated. Mom is a role model, and usually the parent a teen girl will feel most comfortable going to for advice. But probably the most important thing you can do for your daughter is to be a good listener.

One of the first steps is to be available to her as much as possible. We all know that a teenager's emotions can be unpredictable. Your daughter may not always want to talk when it's most convenient for you. She may open up in the morning or maybe later at night. It's best to take advantage of her willingness to talk while she's in the mood. Most of the time, moms can take a few minutes from whatever they're doing, make eye contact and listen to their daughter.

Equally as important is letting her say what's on her mind without interruption. She may want to talk about a bad day at school or trouble with friends. Whatever it is, don't finish her sentences or try to talk her out of what she's feeling, even if it doesn't make sense to you. That'll make her shut down emotionally, and she might not be so quick to open up the next time she needs to talk.

Naturally, you'll probably want to offer your daughter some advice at times. That's good. But be sure to listen to her first. In most cases, even more than advice, she needs to be heard.

Q: My spouse and I have a fair amount of debt. We both know we need to work out a budget and pay off what we owe. But let's just say that we aren't on the same page about the urgency and benefit of becoming debt-free. What can we do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Money is generally one of the biggest stressors in marriage. So financial expert Dave Ramsey emphasizes it's crucial that couples work together on their finances.

You'll be much more likely to stick with your budget if you both have the same goals in mind. If your spouse isn't there yet, Ramsey suggests that honest communication is essential. Let your spouse know that you're excited about getting out of debt. Ask your spouse to read one or two short articles on the benefits of living on a budget. If they're still not on board after that, Dave recommends that you write down some of the points that concern you, and why. Sharing your thoughts and feelings on paper can be an effective way of getting your spouse's attention.

Often, women are the ones who are eager to get out of debt, while their husbands drag their feet. If you're in this situation, Dave Ramsey has one hard-and-fast rule: Don't nag. It rarely works, and it could end up driving a deeper wedge between you and your spouse. Husbands, if your wife has resorted to nagging, please step up before it's too late. Getting out of debt and living on a budget is in both of your best interests, and you need to do your part to make it happen.

Like most things in marriage, getting on sound financial footing is a team effort. For more information to help your relationship thrive, go to FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I think my family is pretty healthy overall, even though we've faced some challenges. But somehow we seem to have lost our joy in day-to-day life. What do you suggest?

Jim: If laughter is rare at your house, your family is probably feeling the effects.

The good news is that you can change the atmosphere in your home today. No matter what we're facing, we choose how to respond. While some scenarios are serious and call for a sober reaction, every day brings opportunities to show our children how to enjoy life.

In fact, that skill may be most important in the midst of struggles. If we can continue to choose joy when we're tempted to be discouraged, we'll be modeling a life-changing habit for our kids.

Practically speaking, one way to nurture fun and joy seems almost too simple: Relearn to play! Set aside your to-do list occasionally and join your children in play. You'll immediately see a difference in your family's overall mood.

Second, remember that serving others can work wonders for our state of mind. When we take the focus off our own problems by helping someone else, we'll find that gratitude and joy follow.

And finally, don't cry over spilled milk. We all make mistakes. But if we allow mishaps to ruin our day, our kids will find it difficult to extend grace to themselves and others. Rather than shaming our children for honest mistakes, we can put an arm around them and remind them that accidents happen.

In the end, just a few simple habits can change the entire atmosphere in your home. I wish you the best.

Q: Can you explain why my infant daughter started screaming when my great-aunt dropped by last weekend and wanted to hold her? In the past the baby has always had a smile for everyone, but this time she just went ballistic! What do you think happened?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: It sounds like you're dealing with a normal case of stranger anxiety. As early as six months of age, a new phase develops in which a child who formerly seemed comfortable around everyone will begin showing anxiety among unfamiliar people. The approach of someone new -- or someone she hasn't seen for a while -- will provoke a wide-eyed stare, usually followed by wailing and clinging to you for protection.

Fear of strangers is virtually universal as the first birthday approaches and usually continues well into the second year. So, you (and your great-aunt) can relax about it. In fact, a simple strategy may help her and your baby get acquainted.

First, it's less stressful for the baby if someone new doesn't try to touch, kiss or hold her right away. In fact, even a direct return of your baby's stare may set off a healthy cry. Instead, chat with this new person as if nothing else is going on. Let the baby see this is someone you're comfortable with. Give her time to observe and get used to the sight of this individual. After a while, some simple exchanges of looks, touches and eventually play will begin naturally as your great-aunt becomes one of the gang.

Note that other factors may also be at play. Your child might be feeling hungry and/or tired. She might have been startled by something your great-aunt did or was wearing at the time. Babies can get especially stressed if they wake up and first see an unfamiliar face.

The first few years of your child's life provide an amazing opportunity to learn about how she is uniquely created -- including her personality, likes/dislikes and responses to what she encounters. It's a great season in your parenting journey.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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