Q: My wife struggles with anxiety. I try to help her, but it's wearing both of us down. I get to the point where I don't know what to say, and sometimes I think anything I do say will be wrong. Do you have any advice?

Jim: We all occasionally experience times of worry. But when someone suffers from full-blown fear and anxiety, it can be a daily, almost crippling way of life for that individual and everyone around them. Admittedly, this column isn't the best venue to address this question in depth, but here are a few ideas from our counselors to keep in mind.

First, don't be dismissive of the person's fears, no matter how irrational they may seem to you. Our counselors say that minimizing someone's feelings will make them feel isolated and alone, which will only intensify their anxiety. Also, don't give in to the notion that talking about the fear will make it worse. That's not the case. In fact, open conversations can actually defuse fear by acknowledging it and bringing it into the open.

And don't underestimate the importance of faith, either. Most fears are caused by the knowledge that many situations in life are beyond our control. That's why a deep faith in Someone greater than us who is in control can bring peace.

Finally, seek help from a professional. Fear and anxiety often have deep roots -- and reassurances from family members, no matter how well-meaning, will offer little comfort. Fortunately, talk therapy (and appropriate medication in certain situations) can greatly reduce the power of fear in a person's life.

To speak with one of our counselors, or to find one in your area, call 855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I'll admit that I often get impatient with my children. How can I improve in this area?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: You're not alone. In a recent study of 2,200 parents, 60 percent said they wish they had more patience. Forty-seven percent wished they were better at controlling their emotions and reactions. Yet in this same study, 91 percent said parenting is their greatest joy.

While parenting is our greatest joy, it's generally driven either by (A) our empathy and desire to help our children manage their emotions and decisions, or (B) our own internal emotional turmoil: insecurity, pain, loneliness or difficulty managing stress.

Fatigue, stress and interpersonal conflict (with friends, coworkers or your spouse) can all deplete your patience throughout the day. One of the keys to addressing this problem is to prioritize unconditional love with your kids. It's important to stop and get some perspective. Your child probably doesn't have insight into what is impacting you.

Unconditional love means putting your own "stuff" aside for a moment and being present with your child. Notice the word "present" can also mean "gift." You're giving of yourself as a gift to your child; they don't need to earn it from you.

Try these three things to get yourself present with your child:

Pause your mind, take a deep breath and look into your child's eyes -- what do you see? Look carefully.

Take inventory of your life. What are the demands, stresses, pressures, etc., that are depleting your patience? What do you need to do to manage those things?

Ask questions to gather more information and truly understand what is going on in your child's life. Do you initially see your child as a nuisance or as a gift? That initial perspective makes a big difference!

Unconditional love helps you build a strong foundation for a healthy parent-child relationship that can bring peace even amid chaos.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Many of our friends find amusement in things that I personally consider offensive -- movies, TV shows, jokes, etc. We want to enjoy the lighter side of life and encourage laughter in our home but do it in an appropriate and uplifting way. Do you have any helpful guidelines for healthy humor?

Jim: It's important to remember that humor isn't a science. As you probably know, the best way to kill a joke is to explain it. That's because humor is intuitive and spontaneous. You can't really teach people to be funny in an appropriate way. You also can't train them to laugh on cue. But you can prepare the ground, plant the seeds and provide opportunities. It is possible to create the kind of context for healthy humor to spring up of its own accord.

The first step is to realize that humor is really just another form of communication. It's part of our communication skill set; in fact, it's fair to say that humor and communication are just two sides of the same coin. And of course, communication is fundamental to the health and well-being of any genuinely thriving family. Just like laughter facilitates talk, intentional conversation can open windows into the hearts and minds of the people we live with. It can help us understand what really tickles their funny bone. That's a big part of learning to love one another.

Furthermore, every person has his or her own style of humor; experts have identified as many as fifty of them. These distinctive humor styles have to be developed within the context of family interaction. Each member of the household should be allowed and encouraged to be funny in his or her own way.

As I said, genuine humor can't be contrived. It thrives on contrast and surprise. That's why it's at its best when it arises indirectly out of unexpected (and maybe even unsettling) situations. So, one way of promoting healthy humor is simply encouraging your family to try new things.

For example, you might invent some family activities that are designed to shake things up and throw people off balance. Just make sure that this happens in safe, healthy and creative ways. And, incidentally, set all the electronic devices aside, especially phones.

Playing games is probably the most obvious option. Charades, Guesstures -- games that involve imitating different kinds of animals, musical chairs, movement-oriented games -- these are all opportunities for both children and adults to have a good time laughing together. Depending on the age of the kids, it might also be fun to do something completely unplanned and totally out of character. You could stage an impromptu opera in the living room or take everyone to the movies in their pajamas. If you have the courage to try it, I'll predict that all kinds of funny things will happen along the way.

Another idea would involve organizing a family humor night. Assign each of the kids to bring something funny to the table. It could be anything: a joke, a picture, a story from a book or an anecdote about something that happened at school. After sharing some laughs together, give each family member a chance to talk about his or her contribution. Ask them how they chose their material. Find out why they think it's so hilarious. This will give everyone, Mom and Dad included, a chance to get inside each other's heads. It's also a good way for everyone to become better acquainted with different styles of humor.

Finally, here's a general rule of thumb: if you're laughing WITH someone, it's more apt to be healthy humor. If you're laughing AT someone, you may want to rethink things.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My approach to parenting has basically been to let my kids try an activity, and if they don't like it, we just go on to something else. Some of my friends have told me they don't agree. What's your take?

Jim: Children hate disappointment, and they'll do almost anything to avoid it. But I think that's something for parents to watch for, because your children are practicing right now how they'll react to things they don't like -- for the rest of their lives.

Do you know any adults who have trouble sticking with jobs and relationships? You can probably trace a lot of that behavior back to their childhood. They were allowed too many times to quit when things got tough.

When my boys were younger, we'd play checkers or Monopoly, and as soon as the game wasn't going their way, they'd start to complain. Maybe your children want to quit a sport before they've given it a fair shot. Or perhaps you can relate to a friend of mine who was a couple of miles into a hike when his children broke into tears about having to walk all the way back to camp.

Keep your eye out for those moments. They're an opportunity for your children to understand how to face disappointment or to struggle through something they don't like. Don't rescue your kids from everything. Some of those experiences can teach them how to hang in there.

Here's the point: Perseverance on a soccer field or in activities at home is how your children will develop the perseverance to run a business, get an education or build a strong marriage. They'll need the ability to stay committed when what they want takes a lot of hard work. Those are crucial lessons early because the stakes become much higher later. We all need to learn to persevere.

Q: My husband and I seem to be caught in a rut in our marriage. We both know we need to make some changes, but we keep falling into the same patterns of action, reaction, re-reaction, etc. I'm basically waiting for him to take the lead, but... anyway, do you have any suggestions?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: What're you're describing is something that I think happens in most marriages. It usually involves predictable back-and-forth cycles that can wear us down over time. Typically, we want our mate to make some kind of adjustment. But the only person you can change is yourself -- and that's where to start.

I like to explain the concept using the game of pingpong. Picture you and your spouse hitting the ball to each other -- but exactly the same way, game after game. Neither one of you would have to change your approach because every shot would be identical. It's always the same pattern and result. And let's face it, before long that gets pretty boring -- and perhaps frustrating.

But now imagine placing just the slightest spin on the ball or directing it to the left corner instead of the right. That subtle difference requires your spouse to make some sort of change to return the ball, which alters how you play it back. Which changes their play, etc. Before long, you're both more engaged in the game, enjoying it more, and playing it in an entirely new way.

The point is this: Marriage is never static. It's a living system of action and reaction. Changing how you interact within your relationship, even slightly, can automatically influence your spouse to make a few positive changes as well.

For insights and encouragement to help your marriage thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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