Q: I try to avoid conflict, especially with my spouse. But we still argue sometimes. It makes me worry and wonder if this is a sign our relationship is struggling. What's your take?

Jim: The presence of conflict doesn't necessarily mean a relationship is in trouble. In fact, certain conflict can actually be an indicator that a relationship is strong.

For example, conflict can easily occur when two people are close. Husbands and wives know one another inside and out, so it's easier for them to rub each other the wrong way. Although that dynamic has the potential to create problems, it also shows there's an intimate bond. And that's a good thing.

Spouses can also argue because they're both thinking, opinionated adults. They know what they like, what they want and what they believe. Again, that can create challenges -- but on its own it's one of the ingredients that can make a marriage truly great.

And, believe it or not, spouses often have conflict because they really love each other. Each partner genuinely cares about what the other says and does. This can lead to some heated exchanges, but it's usually for a good cause.

Every human relationship is susceptible to conflict, especially one as close as marriage. And sure, conflict can become destructive if it's allowed to progress unchecked. That's why it's important to learn how to handle conflict in a healthy way, so you build up your relationship rather than tear it down.

My colleague, Dr. Greg Smalley, has done some great work in this area. Greg and his wife, Erin, wrote a helpful book called "Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage." I highly recommend it. You can find that book and many other resources at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My kids and their friends keep talking about TikTok. What is it, and what do I need to know about it as a parent?

Adam Holz, Director, Plugged In: TikTok is an app that gives users a chance to post short smartphone videos online. It was the second-most downloaded app of 2019 (behind WhatsApp Messenger). Overall, TikTok feels like YouTube with a very short attention span. Videos can be as long as 60 seconds, but many are much shorter.

TikTok videos can feature almost anything -- anything that will grab users' attention, that is. You'll see dancing and singing (which the app originally focused on). You might see a horse stick its tongue out or someone lying down drinking milk. In other words, it's an expressive digital medium that tweens and teens (and plenty of adults, too) gravitate toward to broadcast silly antics.

But it's not all silly, and there are some real issues parents need to know about. Usage guidelines prohibit graphic, violent, risky, sexually explicit or hateful content. But those rules are pretty loose. Profanity? No ban on that. And many young users post videos that are suggestive while avoiding explicit images. The app theoretically prohibits users under 13, but that's a guideline many underage users ignore. Young users could potentially find themselves in conversations with adults they don't know via the app's comment feature. TikTok has also become a go-to destination for viral video challenges, many of which can be risky.

On a more philosophical level, TikTok is all about grabbing attention. Videos practically scream, "Look at me!" This is true of social media in general. But TikTok feels custom-made to encourage narcissism. And it's easy to burn a lot of time watching inane videos, too.

TikTok says its mission is "to inspire creativity and bring joy." That said, TikTok also offers many avenues for kids to drift into trouble if parents aren't closely engaged with what they're watching and posting.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My wife struggles with anxiety. I try to help her, but it's wearing both of us down. I get to the point where I don't know what to say, and sometimes I think anything I do say will be wrong. Do you have any advice?

Jim: We all occasionally experience times of worry. But when someone suffers from full-blown fear and anxiety, it can be a daily, almost crippling way of life for that individual and everyone around them. Admittedly, this column isn't the best venue to address this question in depth, but here are a few ideas from our counselors to keep in mind.

First, don't be dismissive of the person's fears, no matter how irrational they may seem to you. Our counselors say that minimizing someone's feelings will make them feel isolated and alone, which will only intensify their anxiety. Also, don't give in to the notion that talking about the fear will make it worse. That's not the case. In fact, open conversations can actually defuse fear by acknowledging it and bringing it into the open.

And don't underestimate the importance of faith, either. Most fears are caused by the knowledge that many situations in life are beyond our control. That's why a deep faith in Someone greater than us who is in control can bring peace.

Finally, seek help from a professional. Fear and anxiety often have deep roots -- and reassurances from family members, no matter how well-meaning, will offer little comfort. Fortunately, talk therapy (and appropriate medication in certain situations) can greatly reduce the power of fear in a person's life.

To speak with one of our counselors, or to find one in your area, call 855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I'll admit that I often get impatient with my children. How can I improve in this area?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: You're not alone. In a recent study of 2,200 parents, 60 percent said they wish they had more patience. Forty-seven percent wished they were better at controlling their emotions and reactions. Yet in this same study, 91 percent said parenting is their greatest joy.

While parenting is our greatest joy, it's generally driven either by (A) our empathy and desire to help our children manage their emotions and decisions, or (B) our own internal emotional turmoil: insecurity, pain, loneliness or difficulty managing stress.

Fatigue, stress and interpersonal conflict (with friends, coworkers or your spouse) can all deplete your patience throughout the day. One of the keys to addressing this problem is to prioritize unconditional love with your kids. It's important to stop and get some perspective. Your child probably doesn't have insight into what is impacting you.

Unconditional love means putting your own "stuff" aside for a moment and being present with your child. Notice the word "present" can also mean "gift." You're giving of yourself as a gift to your child; they don't need to earn it from you.

Try these three things to get yourself present with your child:

Pause your mind, take a deep breath and look into your child's eyes -- what do you see? Look carefully.

Take inventory of your life. What are the demands, stresses, pressures, etc., that are depleting your patience? What do you need to do to manage those things?

Ask questions to gather more information and truly understand what is going on in your child's life. Do you initially see your child as a nuisance or as a gift? That initial perspective makes a big difference!

Unconditional love helps you build a strong foundation for a healthy parent-child relationship that can bring peace even amid chaos.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Many of our friends find amusement in things that I personally consider offensive -- movies, TV shows, jokes, etc. We want to enjoy the lighter side of life and encourage laughter in our home but do it in an appropriate and uplifting way. Do you have any helpful guidelines for healthy humor?

Jim: It's important to remember that humor isn't a science. As you probably know, the best way to kill a joke is to explain it. That's because humor is intuitive and spontaneous. You can't really teach people to be funny in an appropriate way. You also can't train them to laugh on cue. But you can prepare the ground, plant the seeds and provide opportunities. It is possible to create the kind of context for healthy humor to spring up of its own accord.

The first step is to realize that humor is really just another form of communication. It's part of our communication skill set; in fact, it's fair to say that humor and communication are just two sides of the same coin. And of course, communication is fundamental to the health and well-being of any genuinely thriving family. Just like laughter facilitates talk, intentional conversation can open windows into the hearts and minds of the people we live with. It can help us understand what really tickles their funny bone. That's a big part of learning to love one another.

Furthermore, every person has his or her own style of humor; experts have identified as many as fifty of them. These distinctive humor styles have to be developed within the context of family interaction. Each member of the household should be allowed and encouraged to be funny in his or her own way.

As I said, genuine humor can't be contrived. It thrives on contrast and surprise. That's why it's at its best when it arises indirectly out of unexpected (and maybe even unsettling) situations. So, one way of promoting healthy humor is simply encouraging your family to try new things.

For example, you might invent some family activities that are designed to shake things up and throw people off balance. Just make sure that this happens in safe, healthy and creative ways. And, incidentally, set all the electronic devices aside, especially phones.

Playing games is probably the most obvious option. Charades, Guesstures -- games that involve imitating different kinds of animals, musical chairs, movement-oriented games -- these are all opportunities for both children and adults to have a good time laughing together. Depending on the age of the kids, it might also be fun to do something completely unplanned and totally out of character. You could stage an impromptu opera in the living room or take everyone to the movies in their pajamas. If you have the courage to try it, I'll predict that all kinds of funny things will happen along the way.

Another idea would involve organizing a family humor night. Assign each of the kids to bring something funny to the table. It could be anything: a joke, a picture, a story from a book or an anecdote about something that happened at school. After sharing some laughs together, give each family member a chance to talk about his or her contribution. Ask them how they chose their material. Find out why they think it's so hilarious. This will give everyone, Mom and Dad included, a chance to get inside each other's heads. It's also a good way for everyone to become better acquainted with different styles of humor.

Finally, here's a general rule of thumb: if you're laughing WITH someone, it's more apt to be healthy humor. If you're laughing AT someone, you may want to rethink things.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.