Q: I recently heard a news report about human trafficking and sexual slavery right here in my own city. I was horrified. But I don't know what I, just a normal person, can do to help. Do you have any suggestions?
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Jim: Unfortunately, most of us go about our daily business blissfully ignorant of the suffering and tragedy that could be taking place under our very noses. But here's the point -- "just normal people" can do a LOT to help.
Start by being observant. If you see someone you suspect might be a victim of trafficking, watch for evidence that he or she is being controlled. Signs include inability to relocate or leave a job, fear or depression, lack of proper identification or marks of physical abuse. If you have an opportunity to speak with such an individual in a non-threatening situation, ask questions like, "Do you want to be doing this work?" or "Are you being paid?" or "Can you leave if you choose?" and "Where do you live and what are your working conditions like?" Should you come across evidence of trafficking in your neighborhood, contact the National Human Trafficking Hotline (888-373-7888, HumanTraffickingHotline.org).
Closer to home, the best way to fight trafficking is to build strong relationships with your children. Home needs to be the place where kids receive affirmation and build a positive self-image. Build a bond of mutual trust to protect them against negative outside influences. Acknowledge that there are dangerous people in society, but then make it very clear to your kids that they can always come to you with their needs and concerns. Children who have that kind of support at home generally don't look for it somewhere else (which is how many trafficking victims become ensnared).
Our staff counselors would be happy to discuss this issue at greater length; call 855-771-HELP (4357).
Q: I've been hearing about the permissive parenting style lately. How do I know if I'm a permissive parent, and do you have any thoughts about it?
Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: You may have heard or read that permissive parenting styles can be helpful for your child's development. However, most research indicates that permissive parenting results in a higher likelihood of difficulty as your child ages.
Generally, permissive parenting involves high levels of sensitivity to a child's concerns, combined with very few boundaries. Throughout more than two decades as a family therapist, I've observed four types of permissive parents:
Fearful: Parents afraid of upsetting their children with boundaries or rules.
Insecure: Parents who do not want to lose their child's love, so they sacrifice accountability and healthy discipline.
Distracted: Parents who are constantly busy, where they cannot provide healthy guidance, limits and consistency.
Misinformed: Parents who have read or heard that letting your kids "just figure it out" is the best way to go.
It's true that happiness can come from healthy relationships and developing good decision-making. But how can kids learn what is healthy without boundaries or learning the difference between right and wrong?
My personal and professional experience and research consistently illustrate that while permissive parenting might be sometimes useful in moderation, it is best applied following an authoritative parenting style.
In other words, if you consistently apply an authoritative parenting style early in a child's life, there is a higher likelihood of being able to successfully shift to a more permissive parenting style later in your child's development -- after trust and healthy decision-making have been established.
To learn more about parenting styles, go to www.FocusOnParenting.com. You can also explore the 7 Traits of Effective Parenting, based off the research on authoritative parenting styles and secure attachment.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.
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