Q: I own my own business, and I admit I'm something of a workaholic. I want to be more involved with my wife and kids and less distracted by business concerns. But I struggle to get off the treadmill and leave work at work. Any suggestions?

Jim: Gaining a sense of focus is largely a matter of clearly identifying our priorities. So, I'd suggest that you first reflect on what (read: who) matters most to you. Short of making some major changes to your lifestyle -- which might be worth considering in the long run -- the key is to learn to shift gears, slow down and mentally change locations.

One helpful tip is to find some personal "rituals" to perform to help set your work-based identity aside and leave your "office self" behind. The goal is that when you're at home, you're fully present in the moment with your spouse and children. For example, set healthy boundaries for yourself regarding after-hours work email, texts and calls.

When you arrive at your house each evening, I'd encourage you to first sit down with your wife and talk quietly for a few minutes before engaging with the kids or the TV. You might even go to your bedroom and change clothes -- both literally and figuratively. Mentally assume the demeanor and attitude of a loving husband and caring father, just as you'd put on a comfortable old shirt. Make yourself at home ... one hundred percent. Concentrate on the moment and leave business worries in the hands of your Creator.

For more insights, I'd recommend the classic book "Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives" by Richard A. Swenson, M.D. If Focus on the Family can help you through the process, please call us at 800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).

Q: How do I get my toddler to stay in bed? I'm exhausted and frustrated!

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Bedtime issues with infants and toddlers are common. Toddlers want to have control in ways that will calm their nervous system. The challenge is that self-control is usually weakest at bedtime. You're tired and your child is tired -- that's a recipe for impatience and battles.

Here are 5 practical ways to get your toddler to go to bed and stay in bed:

-- Develop a nighttime routine together; put a marble or cotton ball in a jar each time they follow the routine. Celebrate when the jar is filled to an established level (go to the park, get ice cream, draw or finger paint, take out a special toy or game).

-- Read a calming story together each night. Let your toddler pick out the story from a list of age-appropriate and calming books. Fun fact: A mom's calm voice can be regulating to a child's nervous system. Are you calm at night or stressed while trying to get your child to sleep?

-- Set up stuffed animals as imaginary guardians throughout their room. Have your toddler help arrange their nighttime protectors. Putting things in order can help their brain have the proper mental framework for bedtime.

-- Leave soft music or a calming story on while they go to sleep. Both can settle their brain just enough to calm it down for sleep.

-- Leave a night or hallway light on while significantly limiting screen time before bed (screens can be dysregulating and overly stimulating to your child's brain).

Most importantly, be as patient and calm as possible. The battles aren't personal. Your child is learning to manage their body, thoughts and feelings. Your investment of time and patience is priceless as you develop a trusting foundation for your relationship.

For more practical age and stage parenting tools, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com/Parenting.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: Our daughter started attending a new school this year and she's struggling to develop healthy friendships. What can we do to help her seek out connections with kids who will be positive influences?

Jim: Much of what our children learn about friendships comes from us as parents. This often happens unconsciously, but it helps a lot if Mom and Dad take a strategic, intentional approach.

The first step is to work on guiding your child in developing strong positive virtues herself. In other words, point her toward becoming the kind of person who can BE a good friend. As you model these virtues yourself and discuss them with her, your daughter will pick up on what to look for in others who will help her steer clear of heartache. Some of the most important qualities you can build into her (and your) character include honesty, respect, loyalty, compassion and acceptance.

The second step is building your child's confidence. A healthy self-esteem positions her to make wise choices about her connection with others. Support her in this by affirming her strengths and highlighting when she does something well. Spending quality one-on-one time with her illustrates that you value her as a person and enjoy her company.

You can also enhance the process by involving your child in socially interactive activities. When I was a teen I was all about competitive sports. One of my two now-adult sons played some football for a while, but they both also found peer connections through chess club and science groups -- and even cotillion!

Encourage all this growth by inviting your daughter's friends (and their families) over for a meal -- say, a different child every other week.

Making friends can be a challenge for any of us, at any age. The simplest formula is to remember the classic Golden Rule: "Treat others the way you want them to treat you."

Q: My kids are really interested in TikTok. I've seen lots of headlines about it. What do I need to know as a parent?

Adam Holz, Director, Plugged In: In the hyper-competitive social media arena, TikTok reigns supreme as the go-to digital destination for young users -- topping the likes of Snapchat and Instagram, as well as YouTube and Netflix.

And "users" is a very accurate name for those engaging on this short-form video platform. The average TikTok user in 2023 spends a whopping 95 minutes daily watching its quick-hit videos, visiting the site on average 8 times a day.

So what's the hook? User-created videos run the gamut of virtually anything you can think of (and that's true with other short-form video platforms, too). Many try to get a laugh. But many also include profanity and sexually suggestive images, although nudity and explicit sexual content are banned. Other potentially harmful behaviors (like eating disorders) and worldviews may be reinforced as well.

That said, the content itself is just the first layer of concern. Another is how TikTok invites users into a non-stop video binge. The platform's algorithm observes what people watch, then serves up an endless digital buffet of similar stuff. TikTok is about consumption -- often the "mindless" variety.

Experts are increasingly sounding a warning when it comes to TikTok and other apps like it. Recent research indicates that already-short attention spans are being further obliterated. And social scientists have shown many correlations between social media use in general and negative mental-health outcomes such as anxiety, depression and suicide.

Setting limits -- when, where and what young users see -- is critical. But for many families, the best way to steer clear of these pitfalls is to delay initial use of social media apps such as TikTok as long as possible.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: My wife and I have decent incomes, but neither of us has ever been all that great at making informed financial decisions. I feel like most of the time we're just winging it. Do you have any practical insights for managing our resources well?

Jim: Realistically, I don't think you're asking for advice about the best way to use or apply (invest) your money. That's a highly subjective and personal issue. But I can offer a broader set of principles from financial expert Ron Blue. He suggests the following criteria-based model for making fiscal decisions:

-- For people of faith -- pray together about how to handle your money.

-- Define your decision. What is the question? Often your decision statement will include such words as "choose," "select" and "best."

-- Clarify your objectives. What are you really trying to achieve? What are the decision criteria?

-- Prioritize your objectives. What are the non-negotiables? What are the possible tradeoffs?

-- Identify your alternatives.

-- Evaluate your alternatives. What are the facts?

-- Make a preliminary decision.

-- Assess the risk. What could go wrong here?

-- Make the final decision.

-- Test the decision.

This multi-step matrix offers a number of benefits. What I like is that it maximizes objectivity, minimizes bias and helps defuse emotion-based disagreements. If you and your spouse discuss and apply it carefully, you separate the relevant data from the trivial. That can provide direction for your thinking and set the stage for comfortable consensus.

Q: After the loss of my first marriage, I'm finally ready to remarry. But my intended spouse's children are against the marriage -- in fact, they seem to hate me. What do you suggest?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: It's never easy to enter into a second marriage and blend a new family. In fact, research shows that a majority of remarriages involving children end in another divorce. Obviously, without detailed knowledge about the dynamics involved, I'm in no position to make definitive statements concerning your chances of success. But if the kids are openly opposed to the marriage, at the very least you can likely expect an even rougher ride than the average couple in your situation.

What I can tell you is that you'll need to approach this situation with extreme care -- and a lot of prayer. An unsuspecting stepparent may be suddenly confronted with a whole set of longstanding alliances and power struggles within the existing (but fractured) household. If you decide to move forward with your plans, you'll need to work extra-hard to overcome the barriers and develop positive bonds with your new stepchildren.

That means taking a sincere interest in the kids and spending lots of one-on-one time with each of them -- even if your initial efforts are rebuffed or, at best, barely tolerated. In particular, you'll want to take special care to praise the children at every opportunity, instead of simply punishing them when they misbehave. In other words, make an intentional effort to "catch them being good."

Because of the unique challenges involved, I strongly recommend that those who are planning to remarry and blend a family should seek professional counseling well before the wedding. Couples who attempt to go it alone are often just setting themselves up for frustration and failure.

Expectations, roles and parenting styles should be clarified and openly discussed with the help of an experienced marriage and family therapist. It won't be easy, but it's part of the challenge of building a successful blended family. Our staff counselors would be more than happy to help you get started; call 855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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