DEAR ABBY: While I don't disagree with your response to "Doin' What Comes Naturally," whose new neighbors objected to group nudity in their hot tub, the hostess could have handled the situation with more sensitivity.

Reading between the lines, I suspect that the hot tub dress/undress issues were raised for the first time at the gathering, which put the newcomers on the spot. Good hosts should never do that to their guests.

When the invitation was extended the hostess should have said, "By the way ..." and explained the situation. That way, the new neighbors could have expressed their discomfort privately, and the problem could have been avoided by keeping the hot tub covered on that occasion.

In my experience, people who are uncomfortable displaying their bodies in public are also uncomfortable with others being exposed. -- BASHFUL IN ORADELL, N.J.

DEAR BASHFUL: You're right. For some people, it's a moral issue; with others, it's simply insecurity about how they look. Also, a sizable number of people would rather leave to their imaginations that which they would prefer not to view in the light of harsh reality. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was shocked and disappointed by your position regarding the "straightlaced" hot tub neighbors who didn't want to soak in the nude with the neighbors. What is this world coming to when a person of your stature condones nude hot-tubbing with neighbors? Enjoying the "therapeutic benefits" of soaking together in the nude -- unless it's husband and wife alone -- is a new low in moral behavior. -- HORRIFIED IN HARRISBURG

DEAR HORRIFIED: It's neither new nor necessarily low. I have never condemned nudity -- as long as it's on the up-and-up. And while I might hesitate to grin and bare it (all), scores of wholesome people from many cultures enjoy the naturalist way of life. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My sister's pool parties (hot tub included) traditionally resulted in discarded bathing suits. Guests who were uninhibited frolicked in the waves. Those who were shy frolicked, too -- but with less exposure. The swimming usually started after dinner, after the barbecue, after sundown. When the first suit came off, those who were uncomfortable with the turn of events -- including our parents -- would call it a day. No one ever complained.

Unfortunately, my fiance is too shy, so I don't get to do what comes naturally anymore. Sign me ... ALL DRESSED UP, NOWHERE TO GO

DEAR ALL DRESSED: Different strokes for different folks! Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old reader who usually disagrees with your answers because I am a lifelong conservative.

After reading the letters in your column from "Sleep-Deprived in Schenectady" (who complained about the noisy upstairs neighbors' love-making) and "Doin' What Comes Naturally" about the naked hot tub parties, I discussed them with my family. We have a practical solution for "Sleep-Deprived": Buy a fan to cover the noise, then send the couple from upstairs to the hot tub party! -- CONSERVATIVE TEEN IN WASHINGTON

DEAR TEEN: I'm pleased that your conservatism hasn't curtailed your "liberal" sense of humor. You are a wit.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: It was easy for me to rewrite "Words of Love?" by Danny Comstock, in order to describe what many young people hear when they're growing up. I speak from experience. Please print it so other unhappy kids out there will know they're not alone. Please do not identify me, Abby. Just sign me ... SURVIVOR IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SURVIVOR: Verbal abuse is toxic and cumulative. The scars left by ugly words can take far longer to heal than those from physical abuse. The victims may become successful adults, but underneath, the wounds remain. Read on:

WORDS OF LOVE?

You're neurotic! You're immature!

You're skinny! You're ugly!

You're nothing but a slob!

Do your schoolwork! Clean your room!

Clean the house! Take care of the baby!

Can't you do anything right?

You don't have any skills!

You will never get a job!

You're lazy! You're selfish! You're spoiled!

No wonder you don't have any friends!

You embarrass me, but I'm willing to put up with you --

Because no one else will tolerate you!

You need me to take care of you --

You wouldn't last two seconds on your own!

The only reason I berate and criticize you

Is because I'm trying to build your character

And make you a better person!

If I didn't, I wouldn't love you!

DEAR ABBY: I will be starting high school in September. I am nervous about going to a new environment. Middle school wasn't bad because I knew most of the kids from elementary school. High school is different. Students from all over the city will be attending.

Some of my best friends will be going to different high schools. I'm not very outgoing, and I'm having a hard time figuring who to hang out with. Abby, I need your advice on how to adjust to my first days in high school. -- FRESHMAN IN DALLAS

DEAR FRESHMAN: This is an opportunity to meet new people and a chance to expand your circle of friends. If you see someone who is shy or hanging back, realize that the person is probably experiencing the same feeling you are, so reach out.

Get together with your old friends on the weekends. You'll have a lot to share and talk about.

DEAR ABBY: I am pregnant with my second son. My first is 4 1/2, and I have saved everything of his. A friend of the family wants to host a baby shower. My husband and I think it is greedy to have another shower when we already have everything we need. Abby, what is the proper etiquette, if any? -- SON SET IN OREGON

DEAR SON SET: A baby shower is a celebration of a new life to come. Participating in a baby shower for your second child isn't greedy.

However, if accepting gifts you don't really need makes you feel guilty, have your friend announce a charity shower and make it clear that the gifts you receive will be donated to a women's shelter, a church or some similar organization. Alternatively, you could donate the items you saved from your first son to a family or young mother who needs them.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a professional whistler and bird caller. Whenever people ask what I do for a living, my reply is often met with the question, "What is that?" About the best I can respond with is, "Someone who whistles."

My art is not at the height of its popularity, as it was in the early part of the last century. Whistlers are no longer featured with big bands as they once were; the late, great whistler Fred Lowery no longer headlines at Carnegie Hall or whistles the national anthem at Yankee Stadium; Elmo Tanner is not whistling "Heartaches" with Perry Como and the Ted Weems orchestra; and Muzzy Marcellino isn't whistling the sweet and plaintive theme song to "Lassie" that we all remember.

Abby, it's hard to deal with the fact that the art of whistling has become so far removed from the public. Could you kindly print my letter as a reminder to your readers that whistling is a beautiful art form with a rich heritage in America and elsewhere? (No name, please. This one's for the art.) -- THE WHISTLER, JENKS, OKLA.

DEAR WHISTLER: I'm pleased to do so. It's the truth. And I'm not whistling "Dixie."

DEAR ABBY: I read the letter from "Lifeguarding Mom" who had a "close call" with a near-drowning accident she will never forget.

My child had a close call I will never forget, either. He also survived, but he is NOT fine. Media coverage is extensive with drowning accidents, but you do not always hear the follow-up stories of the results of the accident. Many people hear that a child survived and went home from the hospital. What they do not realize is that many children go home with severe disabilities.

My child survived a near-drowning accident 13 years ago. He cannot walk or talk. He is fed using a tube in his stomach, needs oxygen, has seizures daily and requires 24-hour care. In less than five minutes not only did his life change, but so did many other lives as well. These past years have been an unending emotional roller-coaster ride. I would not wish this on anyone.

DO NOT THINK THIS CANNOT HAPPEN TO YOU. I have spoken to many parents of children who have survived a near-drowning experience. Their stories are not all the same. The common link is small children and a water source. It takes only 2 inches of water for a child to drown. It happens in buckets, fountains, toilets, pools, canals, streams, lakes, etc. And it often happens when the adults are distracted for any of a thousand reasons.

Most parents have temporarily lost track of a child at one time or another, especially if there is more than one child. Most of the time the child is safe. Of course, drowning is not the only danger from which we need to shield our children. Accidents WILL happen, but if you are careful this may not happen to you. -- ONE PHOENIX SURVIVOR

DEAR SURVIVOR: Your letter is a chilling reminder to parents of small children. I hope they will take heed.

And now I have a question: Parents, where is your child RIGHT NOW?

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)