DEAR ABBY: As parents of an adopted child, we were concerned about when we would have "the conversation." Then a neighbor told us about how they would celebrate "Gotcha Day" with their adopted daughter each year.

Gotcha Day is a day to celebrate because it's the day we became a family. We "adopted" their idea and have been doing something special on this day since before our child could even say the word "gotcha."

Early on, she had no idea what we were celebrating; she just knew it was a special day for us. Through the years, she was able to process exactly what it meant at her own pace, which relieved the need to ever have that dreaded conversation. Recently our daughter told us she loves this day more than her actual birthday!

I thought I'd share this with other adoptive parents who worry about when the right time might be to explain to their child that they were prayed for, wanted, loved and adopted. -- BLESSED PARENTS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BLESSED PARENTS: I had never heard of anything like this, but I think it's a great concept and certainly worth sharing with my readers. Thank you!

DEAR ABBY: After 32 years of marriage, my wife went out and got a tattoo on her shoulder. It's about 8 inches by 6 inches (quite large), and she did it without any advance discussion with me, which has left me sort of shocked. Her position is that it's her body and she'll do what she wants. This has driven a wedge between us, and I'm not sure if we can move forward. What is your advice? -- UNMARKED IN NEVADA

DEAR UNMARKED: To me, what's important is not that your wife got the tattoo without discussing it with you, but her motive for doing it in secret. My advice is to do nothing in haste or in anger. Try to get her to explain to you what the tattoo symbolizes to her, because it may be important. After that, whether you decide to move forward -- or move out -- is something only you can decide.

DEAR ABBY: My co-worker tried to commit suicide last year. She took eight months off after that. Now we are approaching the one-year anniversary.

We work for a small, family-owned business. Everyone knows she tried to kill herself, but no one knows why. She has reduced her hours and her stress level, at least at work. I have picked up most of her duties, and I'm quick to lend a hand. She's a lot older than I am, and I'm not comfortable lending an ear.

How do we handle this situation? Do we act like it's just like any other normal day? -- UNCOMFORTABLE AT WORK

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: If your co-worker wanted to disclose her reason(s) for trying to kill herself, you would already know what drove her. Because a suicide attempt is nothing to celebrate, be sensitive and don't draw attention to it unless she brings it up.

DEAR ABBY: I am a new mom to a sweet baby boy. I am (or was) very career-oriented and never in a million years thought I would want to be a stay-at-home mom. I will have to return to work shortly, and I'm really struggling.

I have a hard time putting my little one in day care, but I don't have a choice. I have no idea where to begin, how to select the right day care or what questions to ask. Any assistance would be greatly appreciated. -- NEW MOM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEW MOM: Start by talking to your friends and family, asking if they know of a day care that's good, then make sure that any facility you're considering is licensed. Spend a little time there to see how the caregivers interact with the children.

Go to babycenter.com and search on "daycare." You will find a section on day care centers that will give you the information you need. You should also check with your state's department of social services to be sure no complaints have been filed. I wish you luck in your search.

DEAR ABBY: Over the years the people closest to me (immediate family, friends and a few ex-boyfriends) have given me every reason not to trust anyone much.

About a year ago I found the courage to date again and met a man who gives me every reason to trust him to the fullest. The problem is, because of my past, I'm having problems doing it. How do I move past my issues and give the relationship I'm in a fair chance before I destroy it? -- GUN-SHY IN MAINE

DEAR GUN-SHY: Considering your history, it makes sense that you are afraid of being hurt or taken advantage of. However, not all people are alike. Allow the relationship more time to develop. Don't be afraid to talk things out with him rather than react by jumping to conclusions and/or making accusations.

Listen to what he says and watch what he does. If the two don't match, regard it as a red flag. However, if they do match, then count your blessings because you may have finally found a winner.

DEAR ABBY: For years I've gone to a neighborhood bar every Friday night for a few hours during cocktail hour. I have recently started using oxygen due to COPD from smoking.

My doctor says I can do anything I feel I'm up to. Well, I'm up to going out to the bar like I used to do. Trouble is, I'm self-conscious about the carrier. It doesn't bother me to go out to stores, etc., but this does. Should I stay home, bored out of my mind, or get on with the life I used to have? -- WANTS TO GET ON WITH LIFE

DEAR WANTS: Your doctor has said you can do what you want. I see nothing to be gained by sitting home alone and becoming depressed. My only concern is that the bar you frequent may be smoky and be problematic for your already-damaged lungs. If the bar is smoke-free, go. But if it isn't, then I'm suggesting you find one that is.

DEAR ABBY: My father died four years ago, leaving my 69-year-old mother alone. My mother has health and mobility issues. Her house is large and has two stories, and it far exceeds her needs. The problem is that she's extremely sentimental about it.

I worry about her being alone because my sister and I live two hours away in opposite directions, and Mother is either unwilling or unable to address the issue of moving closer to me or my sister. Money is not an issue.

I talked with my sister, and we agree that Mom should move closer to whomever she wants. Because of her age, I feel guilty that one of us isn't close by to be there for her. Abby, how does one lovingly and gently nudge a parent to move closer for her own well-being? -- WORRIED IN INDIANA

DEAR WORRIED: You are good and caring siblings, but you cannot live your mother's life for her. There may be more to her reluctance to leave her home than sentimentality. If she has lived there for decades, she wouldn't just be giving up her house, but also her friends and acquaintances, the places she shops, etc. Aside from you or your sister, she would be like a stranger in a strange land.

Because money is not an issue, a caregiver could be hired to provide assistance and companionship for your mother if her health and mobility reach the point that she can no longer live alone. And if her needs become progressively greater, you or your sister should research assisted-living facilities near you and talk to her about moving into one.

DEAR ABBY: I thought I was a pretty good parent, but I am stumped when it comes to my 13-year-old daughter. The latest point of contention is that she has gotten into the habit of telling her father and me to "shut up." She does it when we are playing with each other.

In spite of the fact that I have corrected her and told her it is disrespectful and unacceptable, she insists there is nothing wrong with it. She says that it's just a hang-up that I have and other parents wouldn't care.

I don't care if other parents would allow it or not. She has earned consequences for it, and yet turns right around and implies that my scolding her basically earned my being told to shut up. I can't believe her lack of logic when arguing her point. She's really baffled as to why it is an inappropriate thing to say, and I'm baffled at her obstinance. -- BAFFLED IN TEXAS

DEAR BAFFLED: Explain to your daughter that there are some things teens can say to each other that are inappropriate when said to their parents. ("Shut up!" can be used to express amazement or surprise at hearing something without being meant as disrespectful.) That said, if this expression your daughter uses offends you, she should have enough respect for you that she refrains from using it at home.