DEAR ABBY: I am an estate planner who would like to say that folks who don't believe in writing thank-you letters have no idea how much they may have lost by not sending those little notes of gratitude. I am talking about hundreds of thousands of dollars that have not gone to people who failed to pen a note and buy a stamp.

Many of my clients who are grandparents tell me they are leaving nothing to the "children" who never thanked them. They say the ingrates deserve what they'll be getting, which is nothing. -- PATRICIA IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR PATRICIA: I'm printing your letter verbatim. A word to the wise, folks ... Happy holidays!

DEAR ABBY: I recently received an online invitation to a New Year's Eve party at the home of a dear cousin. Having not heard from her in a while, I decided to call her to express our delight at having been invited and let her know we might be able to come. (They live 350 miles away, but we plan to be in their town earlier that week and could potentially stay a few days longer and go to the party.)

Well, when I called, she told me that our having been included on the e-vite was a mistake! She said there must have been a mix-up because my email address is similar to a friend of hers who is invited.

Although she then said we were welcome to come, we declined saying, "Thank you for your flexibility given the awkward circumstance. Forgive us, but I think we'll stick to our original plan to come back north around Dec. 28."

Could this have been handled better? It has put a strain on an otherwise lovely relationship. -- EMBARRASSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Your dear cousin was clearly caught flat-footed by your phone call, but she should not have blurted out that your invitation was a mistake, although she did try to clean it up by telling you you were welcome to come.

I don't blame you for telling her you would stick to your original plan because I doubt you would have felt comfortable had you chosen to attend. The way to handle this going forward would be to make a New Year's resolution to forgive her for the breach of etiquette, not allow it to create a rift in your relationship and let it go.

DEAR ABBY: I work at a school. There's this woman here I would like to know. She's 21; I'm 24. I do maintenance and janitorial work. She's a professional. I wrote her a note wishing her and her family well for the holidays. She texted me once, thanking me for the note and wishing me happy holidays, too.

I want more communication. I'm not sure if she's nervous and doesn't know what to say. She seems like an incredible person, and I'd hate to pass up the opportunity to know her better. What's your take on this? -- HER FUTURE FRIEND? IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR FRIEND: Because you both work at the same school there could be rules against fraternization or even sexual harassment that could put your job in jeopardy if you do what you have in mind, however innocent it may be. That's why I don't recommend it. Appreciate the opportunity to work with pleasant, wonderful, "incredible" people, but leave it at that.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 40 years old and a lousy conversationalist. She will answer questions, but her conversation always turns to herself and her narrow, specific interests. She never asks me (or others) about ourselves, and when she starts talking about herself, there's no stopping her. She seems to need to dominate every conversation.

She has always been this way, and I think it's partly because she's anxious. She was bullied as a child, and I think that contributes as well. When she was little, her dad and I talked about it, but he's very hands-off and didn't want to address it. Because of that, her style never changed, and I now think we made a mistake. Can you suggest a way I could help her, even now, to become better at conversation? -- SMOOTH TALKER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TALKER: You are well-meaning, but there is little you can do to turn your daughter into a better conversationalist. From your description, she may be deeply insecure. However, until she realizes that her coping mechanism is driving others away, your suggestions will be met with denial and ignored. The most helpful thing you could say, if she asks for advice, would be that she needs unbiased guidance, which she can find by scheduling some time with a licensed mental health professional.

DEAR ABBY: Will you please ask your readers NOT to open doors for toddlers? Since I became a parent and my son has learned to walk, I have been amazed at how many people will open the door in a store or supermarket to let him outside. I guarantee you, my son is safer inside the store than alone and unsupervised outside. While he may stand at the door wanting to go outside, he does not know what is best for him, and chances are I'm still inside the store.

Abby, please remind your readers that although a child may be standing alone at the door, the parents are typically no more than 10 or 15 feet away. If they wanted him to go outside, they would open the door for him. Thanks! -- CONCERNED PARENT OF A TODDLER

DEAR PARENT: As requested, I'm printing your letter. However, when parents take small children shopping, they should be extra careful about keeping them close and in their line of sight. Another concern is, toddlers have been known to destroy displays of cans, bottles and boxes, and get underfoot, which creates a hazard for other shoppers.

It isn't always a "helpful" shopper who allows the little ones to exit. Sometimes the doors swing open automatically. It might be safer for all concerned if the little ones are kept securely fastened in the cart or a stroller.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of many years has an offensive eating habit. When finishing his meal, he takes the plate or bowl, puts it to his mouth as one would a drinking glass, and shovels the remains into his mouth. As he does it he makes little sucking movements with his lips like an animal lapping food from a bowl. I find it revolting, but how can I address it without offending him? -- ANNOYED IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR ANNOYED: Offending him? Try this: Say it in PLAIN ENGLISH! (Or just feed him sandwiches.)

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, my daughter got pregnant. She and her husband were overjoyed, as was I. Being a quilter, I immediately made a baby play quilt. However, before I could send it, she had a miscarriage. After that, she had another miscarriage, so I have never given her the quilt, nor have I given it to anyone else.

She and her husband divorced, and she has since remarried. They haven't had children, nor do they want any. They are happy with their decision, and it's fine with me.

They often entertain and sometimes small children are there with their parents. I will visit her in a couple of months, and I'm wondering if I should give her the quilt for the young ones to play with. I don't want to open old wounds, but I'd like her to have it. Of course, this is more about her feelings than mine, but I'm unsure about what to do. I would appreciate your thoughts. -- NOT A GRANDMA IN TENNESSEE

DEAR NOT A GRANDMA: Do not surprise your daughter with the quilt. A couple of weeks before your visit, mention it to her and ask what she would like done with it. The decision should be hers. I am sure you put much love and effort into creating it, but don't be surprised if there is so much pain associated with it that she asks you not to bring it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an adult who had to move back home with my parents due to ill health. In the evening, we like to watch TV together. However, I often find myself hiding out alone in my bedroom because my father has the volume turned so high my ears hurt. I "jokingly" said he should get a hearing aid, but he seemed offended by the suggestion.

I would love to enjoy family time, but don't want to have to wear earplugs every time I sit in the living room. Do you (or your readers) have any suggestions? I'm hoping he sees this because he reads your column every morning. -- TURN THE VOLUME DOWN

DEAR VOLUME: Stop dreaming. Your dad is in denial about his hearing loss and wouldn't recognize himself in my column if you hit him with the newspaper.

Have another chat with Dad and tell him the TV volume is so loud it is painful for your ears, which is why you stay in your room rather than watch with him. The solution might be as easy as earphones for him (rather than earplugs for you) so you and your mom can enjoy the programs at a normal volume. It is also time for him to have a conversation with an audiologist, once he can finally reconcile himself to the fact that there IS a problem.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a man for a few months, and we really seem to have hit it off. I recently found out that he has been hiding some information about his home life that isn't flattering to him. Should I tell him that I'm aware of this information or dismiss it? -- UNCERTAIN IN ARIZONA

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Do not dismiss it. Talk to him about it, if only to find out if the information you were given was accurate. (It may not be.) However, if he has deliberately misled you, recognize it's time to end the relationship.