DEAR ABBY: I'm average, fitness-wise, and work in an office. My girlfriend, who is naturally athletic, has belonged to a gym for a year. Our two fitness paths collided when I was enjoying a coffee with her and her training partner, "Trixi," at her place one day.

Trixi made a muscle. When I complimented her on her impressive arm definition, she responded I should see my girlfriend's. When my girlfriend flexed, her bicep popped up so high my eyes bulged. Trixi then prodded me to flex. I didn't want to because I knew my muscle wasn't as developed. Trixi felt both our arms and declared mine softer. She then pushed us to arm wrestle. I'm 3 inches taller than my girlfriend, and I'm a man, so I thought I would win.

Anyway, two times on the right and once on the left, I ended up with the back of my hand securely pinned down to the table to their extreme amusement. I felt embarrassed because there was nothing I could do to stop her stronger arms driving me down.

The upshot is, I feel there has been a power shift in our relationship. My girlfriend will now teasingly flex when she wants something. She also enjoys challenging me in public. I have now been defeated in arm wrestling in front of her parents and a group of her cheering girlfriends. How should I adjust? Must I just accept her superior strength, tell her to tone down her showing off or get myself stronger at the gym? -- OUTMUSCLED IN AUSTRALIA

DEAR OUTMUSCLED: A wise person asks his or her physician before starting a diet and/or exercise program. Then, if you get the go-ahead, go to a gym and gradually begin a regular exercise program. While you're there, ask a trainer to help you get started with the weights and machines so you can learn proper form and build yourself up rather than tear yourself down. If you do, it will not only increase your strength, but benefit you in other ways.

And by the way, your girlfriend must be very immature to deliberately emasculate you in front of her friends and family. By all means tell her to knock off the showing off at your expense because it's demeaning.

DEAR ABBY: I'm wondering how to deal with friends who want to take advantage of my big-box store memberships. I don't mind helping out sometimes, but it seems like they are avoiding the cost of membership while reaping the benefits at my time and expense. They either ask if I mind picking up a particular item for them, or if I will take them so they can shop for themselves. That means spending half a day while they scrutinize every aisle and every item. Some of these friends are well off financially, so it isn't that they can't afford the membership. Am I wrong to feel imposed upon? -- INDIANA SHOPPER

DEAR SHOPPER: You are only as imposed upon as you allow yourself to be. If it isn't convenient to take these people shopping, no law says you must. If you want to make sure a user never asks again, all you have to say is, "Great! And afterward you can take me out to lunch/dinner."

DEAR ABBY: I belong to a family that doesn't respond to RSVPs for weddings or wedding showers. They often arrive late, leave weddings early and sometimes don't stay to eat at the reception even when it has been catered at a cost of $100 a person.

My adult children always ask me to call my siblings to check whether they are coming or not so some of their friends can be included if the family isn't coming. I just spoke with my brother about an upcoming wedding, and he informed me that he and his family "may" decide to extend their camping trip and miss it, even though they had RSVP'd with their meal selections.

My wife was raised to observe the rules of etiquette, something she has passed on to our four children, but my family never received that kind of instruction. I love my siblings and their families, and feel privileged whenever we get together to celebrate a wedding or special event. How can I improve the situation without hurting feelings and creating turmoil? -- FAMILY PEACEMAKER

DEAR PEACEMAKER: I'll resist the urge to suggest you buy your relatives a book on etiquette. Start by explaining the rules to your siblings in a non-confrontational way. For instance, after you send an invitation, call and verify that the recipients plan to attend. If the answer is "maybe," tell them the meals cost $100 a plate, which is why it's important to have an accurate head count.

Because they don't know any better, I suppose it's your responsibility to explain the rules of common courtesy to your family each time you invite them to join you for anything. When your brother told you he and his family might extend their camping trip, I hope you responded that you would be taking them off the guest list and hope they'll have a great time.

DEAR ABBY: I'm almost 20, in my second year of college, and I have never been in a relationship. Usually I shrug it off, but lately it has been really bothering me. I know I'm not alone because a lot of my friends are in a similar situation. I'm just afraid that I'll end up alone, or if I do ever find someone, I won't know how to act. Please help. -- FRUSTRATED IN CLOVIS, CALIF.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I'll try, so bear with me. Please quit flogging yourself. You're in college and on a path to success. To obsess about ending up alone is a distraction and a waste of time. Stop being afraid of what "might" happen. Enjoy your college experience. Meet as many people as you can and make friends. The more friends you have, the greater your chances of finding what you're looking for.

As to not knowing how to act when you finally meet someone special, I guarantee that you will know how to act because you won't be acting. You will just be yourself, and that will be all you need.

DEAR ABBY: I can't drive. It's not because I don't want to, but whenever I sit behind the wheel, I have panic attacks. I'm currently attending therapy for it, and progress is being made, albeit slowly.

The problem is, when I try to explain that I suffer from GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), which affects my ability to learn to drive and sometimes just function day to day, I get a raised eyebrow and a "Well you look fine to me." I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation when the subject of my disability comes up. I'm not ashamed of it, but it's frustrating to be regarded as either lazy or a liar because I don't "look" disabled and I'm not "disabled enough" to apply for disability. How do I handle this? -- ELAINE IN COLORADO

DEAR ELAINE: You look fine because you have what is called a hidden disability. You do not have to discuss it in casual conversation. If someone asks you to drive, explain that you can't because panic attacks prevent it, but you are "working on getting it resolved." If someone implies that you are lazy or a liar, reveal that you are in therapy to address it if you choose. If that doesn't shut the ignorant person up, keep your distance.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl who has been having a hard time moving on since I was sexually assaulted. Although it was four years ago, it has conflicted with my current and past relationships because I tell guys I'm not ready for anything like that yet. They know what happened and keep trying to push me to move on from my fear. Please tell me what to do. -- NOT READY IN IDAHO

DEAR NOT READY: You are smart not to have allowed yourself to be "persuaded" into doing anything you don't feel ready for. I'm sorry you didn't mention whether you received counseling after the assault. If you didn't, you would benefit from discussing what happened to you with someone trained to help victims of the kind of trauma you have experienced. R.A.I.N.N. (the Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) can help you to locate a rape treatment center in your area. Either call (800) 656-4673 or go to rainn.org and they will give you the information you need. Please don't put it off.

DEAR ABBY: You often publish letters from women who are upset that their boyfriends haven't proposed, sometimes after years of being together. These letters perplex me. We live in a time when women are told they can do anything, be anything. So why are they waiting for some guy to finally pop the question?

My suggestion to them: Ask him! And if he waffles or says he isn't ready to commit, you'll know there's probably no use waiting. Then find someone who recognizes you for the awesome person you are and can't wait to be with you. -- WISE WESTERNER

DEAR WESTERNER: I suspect that more women don't take the initiative because they are afraid of the response they'll receive. But you have offered wise advice. Time is precious. It shouldn't be wasted waiting for a commitment that may never come.