DEAR ABBY: Men know that when shaking another man's hand, the grip should be firm. A firm handshake is polite and -- let's be honest -- a point of masculine pride. But when I shake a woman's hand, I'm never sure what kind of grip to use

When I'm shaking a woman's hand, I use a grip that is less firm than I would use with a man. Is this sexist? Sometimes I worry that even my lighter-than-normal grip is too firm, especially if she is older. On the other hand, I'm embarrassed if her grip is firm and mine is not. Sometimes I need to adjust my grip midway through the handshake to match the woman's, but then I feel silly doing it. Can you offer any guidance? -- HANDING IT OFF IN TENNESSEE

DEAR HANDING: I'll try. The first thing to remember is that a handshake is not a litmus test for masculinity -- at least not with women. While a limp handshake from either sex is a turnoff, one that is too strong can be painful -- particularly if the fingers being squeezed happen to have rings on them. It isn't silly to offer a lady a "medium" handshake, and adjust the firmness if she has a firm grip. It's sensible, not sexist.

DEAR ABBY: "Charlotte" and I have been friends for 16 years, ever since we met in college. She lives several states away, so we see each other only once a year when she and her family come to town for a long weekend. Beyond this annual get-together, we never chat on the phone, and communication is pretty much limited to social media.

I have known Charlotte's (now) husband for 16 years as well, and never cared for him. When they became engaged, none of our friends thought she would actually marry him. He seems to get worse every time I see him, and it has reached the point that I can barely stand to be in the same room with him.

Unfortunately, Charlotte's kids take after their dad. They are spoiled, nasty, mean children and a bad influence on my young son. Charlotte and her family were in town for their annual visit recently. Afterward I told my husband I didn't enjoy it and dread the next one.

Charlotte's husband has now suggested they tag along on our next family vacation! Abby, it would ruin our trip. I don't want to go on vacation if they come with us. Charlotte is still as sweet and lovely as ever, but I do not want to see her husband or children again. What should I do? -- HANGING ON FOR NOW

DEAR HANGING ON: Ignore the "suggestion" Charlotte's husband made. Because the two of you talk so infrequently, the subject may not come up again. A solution to your problem might be as simple as suggesting to Charlotte that the two of you have a "girls' weekend" together rather than a family vacation. Then cross your fingers that she's receptive.

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, someone I thought was my best friend betrayed me. I had developed a relationship with a married mutual friend. My best friend felt it was her "right and duty" to out us to our spouses. The affair ended and both of our marriages survived, but our friendship did not.

She has now tried to contact me wanting to be friends again. While I do miss her friendship, she did not have the right to do what she did, and she has never acknowledged that what she did was wrong. Should I step up and be the bigger person and accept her friend request or ignore it? -- AT A LOSS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR AT A LOSS: Being self-protective won't make you a smaller person, only a safer one. If you would like to welcome back into your life a person who betrayed your confidence -- by all means open the door. I sure wouldn't, but then again, I'm not you.

DEAR ABBY: I have a boyfriend (18) who is a dreamer. He doesn't really consider reality. At 16, I am a realist. I love him to death and we are very happy, but I often come off rude when I give him reality checks when he's trying to be romantic and sweet.

I love that he's romantic, but I'm afraid of his romantic ideas because I know they are too good to be true. Then again, I'm afraid of him not being romantic and losing himself. How do I learn to accept his love as love and not as a threat? How do I not come off rude when I feel he's not being realistic? Please help me, because I don't want to lose him. -- ROMANCE DILEMMA

DEAR DILEMMA: Because you're a realist, allow me to point something out. There's a saying, "A fish and a zebra may fall in love, but they can't live together." You may not want to lose your boyfriend, but the odds of this romance becoming something permanent aren't great because you think so differently. For the time being, when he's waxing poetic about his dreams for the future, keep your lips firmly sealed instead of shooting him down.

DEAR ABBY: I work in an expensive store that closes at 9 p.m. Clients often walk in here two minutes before we shut the door and spend 20 to 30 minutes inside before leaving. We employees still have to clean after they leave and, after eight hours of working, we just want to get home to our families. Shouldn't shoppers be considerate and refrain from coming in if they know they will be here past closing, or does it not matter? -- JUST WANTS TO GO HOME IN DELAWARE

DEAR JUST: It would be nice if shoppers were more considerate, but part of being in high-end sales is customer service, even though not all of the patrons are as thoughtful as you would like them to be. I'm sure your employer feels these individuals should be catered to, and part of your job is to make them feel welcome regardless of the time. It may not seem fair, but business is business.

DEAR ABBY: I am tired of taking a backseat to my boyfriend's video game addiction. He comes home from work, sits on the couch and gets lost in his video games. It has gotten to the point where he barely speaks to me or even looks up from his game.

I know he chats with a lot of people, both male and female, on these games. I suspect he has inappropriate conversations that he feels are harmless because he won't meet these people in person.

Constantly being ignored is hurting my feelings. He never responds to my texts anymore because he's so busy on his game. I'm starting to feel resentful, lonely and very angry. Please advise me on what to do. -- ANGRY IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR ANGRY: Your boyfriend may or may not be a video game addict. If his conversations online are "inappropriate," he may be playing more than one kind of "game." If he feels that those conversations are harmless, he is mistaken because what he is doing isn't healthy for you or the relationship.

My advice? Give him an ultimatum: Modify his behavior or else, and if he refuses, end the romance before he damages your self-esteem. Being ignored has been known to do that. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: We are having a struggle in our family, and I'm unsure how to handle it. Three years ago, our adult nephew, "Connor," underwent hormone therapy, counseling and transgender surgery. She is now our niece "Cathy." The transformation was successful, and Cathy is happier than we've ever seen her. We loved Connor, and nothing has changed in our relationship with Cathy. She has visited us numerous times, and we have reciprocated.

The problem is Cathy's sister, "Amy." Amy has disowned Cathy. She says Connor "died to her" when he underwent the gender reassignment.

Not only is it heartbreaking for the whole family, but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to maintain a relationship with Amy because of her rigid attitude. She boycotts family reunions and celebrations if Cathy will be present, even though family members have traveled from across the country to attend.

Amy is now expecting a baby, and I'm not feeling very celebratory toward her. Please advise. -- VERY SAD AUNT IN WISCONSIN

DEAR AUNT: From what you have written, it appears that by distancing herself from Cathy, Amy is isolating herself from the family. I understand that you may not wish to attend her baby shower, but if you don't, it would be nice to send something for the child. Amy may come around one day, so keep the door open.

DEAR ABBY: I am a female and my male friend, "Sam," is recently engaged to be married. I talk to him daily and invite him out to dinner sometimes.

Sam's fiancee, "Felicia," has expressed to both of us that she's uncomfortable with our relationship. She asked us to set "boundaries," but I feel Sam is my friend and friends shouldn't have boundaries. When I asked him out to dinner against her wishes, she became irate. Do you think I'm disrespecting their relationship? What should I do? -- FOREVER FRIEND IN CHICAGO

DEAR FRIEND: It is a mistake not to recognize that Sam's status has changed. If you value your friendship with him, you must start respecting the fact that he's now engaged and do as his fiancee has requested -- set some boundaries. If you cannot do that, you can kiss your friendship with Sam goodbye.