DEAR ABBY: I have been employed at a fine dining restaurant for 30 years. I love my job.

New owners bought it eight years ago, and the restaurant was booming. Our owner had an affair with another employee, and her schedule and treatment became insane. She didn't have to work as hard as the rest of us, treated everyone she worked with horribly and nothing was done about it. She and her family suddenly moved out of state a short while ago, and nothing was ever said about her again.

Recently, we found out that he's having an affair with another co-worker, and the entire staff is discouraged and angry. Both of our bosses, husband and wife, seem OK with these affairs and act like nothing is wrong! Morale is at an all-time low, and the anger and frustration are at an all-time high.

I'm trying to ride this out, but I'm very frustrated and just want to quit. My heart is heavy because I love my job and my customers. Do you have any suggestions? -- CONFOUNDED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFOUNDED: The new proprietors appear to have "an arrangement," which is why the wife is willing to look the other way while her husband carries on. If the new "girlfriend" is receiving the same favoritism in her work assignments that the last one enjoyed, you and the rest of the staff have a right to complain about the unequal treatment. It might be most effective if you do it as a group.

Change jobs if the atmosphere isn't healthy for you, and some of your favorite customers may follow. That goes for every other person who works there. If enough of you quit, it may have a negative effect on the business.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a man for the last few months. His brother and my cousin have been dating for four years. He's 35, and I'm 23.

He is about to be divorced and has a record, but the last crime he committed was 10 years ago. If not for the fact that his brother is dating my cousin, I'd be much more skeptical. But my cousin has never had anything bad to say about him, and I'm confident if there were, she would tell me.

My family is adamantly against the relationship. They say he's too old for me, I should be more concerned about his criminal history, and no one they know has anything good to say about him. I'm conflicted about moving forward because I'm afraid of the rifts it would cause with my relatives.

I have had a lot of anxiety over this. I am also hurt that we weren't given the chance to reveal his past so he could be as transparent with my parents as he has been with me about it. Any advice? -- ANXIOUS IN ARKANSAS

DEAR ANXIOUS: Because you have been seeing this man for several months, long enough to develop serious feelings for him, you should have talked to your parents about his history before they heard it from others. Because they love you, their feelings are understandable. If there is any hope of changing their minds, you and your boyfriend should speak to them together so he can address their concerns.

DEAR ABBY: I'm frightened that I will become homeless and won't be able to pay my bills. I'm afraid of getting older and ending up a homeless woman, freezing to death on the streets. I worry that the college degree I'm working toward will be useless.

I see the challenges older people go through: house bills, medical bills, student loans, car bills, trying to save for retirement. I'm accused of being a cheapskate, but I'm terrified I will never have enough. Sometimes the future seems bleak. While other people see possibilities and adventure, all I can see is a homeless death on the streets.

I struggle every day to find a reason to get up. I distract myself with simple goals: go to class, finish homework, get a college degree, and then get some kind of job. But there are so many bills to pay just to live -- so many problems in the future that are right around the corner.

When you're a single gal alone in this world, the melancholy begins to seep in. I ask myself, is this life worth it? What is the point of getting up day after day knowing that when I graduate from college there's nothing ahead of me but a life of constant bills and misery? -- EVERYDAY STRUGGLE

DEAR EVERYDAY STRUGGLE: It has been some time since I have seen a letter filled with as much negativity and depression as the one you have written. One of the benefits of being in school is you have access to the student health center. I urge you to go there and talk to a counselor who can help you cope with your fears before they become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Decades ago, President Franklin D. Roosevelt said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself -- nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." This applies to you. We all have moments of doubt about what's to come, but when fear about the future destroys the present, it's time to seek professional help and an attitude adjustment. Please do it, because if you do, I'm confident you will feel better.

DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago, I inherited eight place settings of china that belonged to my great-grandmother. I had no place to display it, so I carefully wrapped each piece in newspaper and put them inside a hard-sided plastic tote.

When I moved into my current apartment five years ago, my mother was helping me unpack, and we wanted to put the china set in a cupboard above the refrigerator. When we started unpacking, we found many of the pieces had become stained from the ink in the newspaper.

Abby, my mother and I are heartbroken. My great-grandmother collected each piece of this set with Green Stamps during World War II, and I hate that it's now damaged. Do you know of a way I can safely get this staining out of the china? -- HEARTBROKEN IN MINNESOTA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: I researched your question at HowToCleanStuff.net and found several suggestions for removing newsprint stains from dishes. One involves using a pencil eraser; another, a cotton ball soaked in rubbing alcohol. However, if you are afraid these methods could further damage your china set, call the nearest art museum and speak with someone in their restoration department. I wish you and your mother good luck.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were happily married for 45 years. We both come from large, close families, and we were devoted to each other. We virtually never fought. She died suddenly four months ago. There was no warning. I was devastated, but my family and my faith buoyed me up through the darkest times.

I still have great sadness over her death, but I'm starting to do better. More than anything, I am lonely. After being so close to my wife for so many years, it's hard being suddenly single. I have met several single women who seem very nice, who share my religion and have shown some interest in me.

I really don't have a desire right now to start dating, but I have realized that I do not want to spend the rest of my life alone and unmarried. I don't want my children and my wife's family to think I'm too eager or glad to be free of their mother. I also don't want to cause problems in the family. How long after a spouse's death is it appropriate and advisable to wait before starting to date? -- WIDOWER IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR WIDOWER: It used to be expected that widows and widowers would wait one year, out of respect for their late spouses, to begin dating. However, those rules have loosened over time.

When you feel ready to date, you will know it. That said, make no important decisions or commitments for one year after the funeral -- and that includes remarrying to avoid being lonely. Like many widowers in your age bracket, you may find that you are now a "hot commodity."

DEAR ABBY: I recently moved into a two-bedroom, two-bath apartment with my good friend from college. My room appears to be slightly larger. I also have a slightly bigger bathroom attached to my room. Her bathroom is smaller and down the hall. Amid the stress of moving, I impulsively agreed to pay $100 more for my room. I know I should have measured the footage to calculate what would be fair. We are two months into living together and, overall, things are going well.

It has finally hit me that I'm paying $200 more in rent. (She pays $760, and I pay $960.) It just seems like a huge difference when I don't feel like our situations are that different. She also makes a little more money than I do, if you consider that relevant.

Would it be rude to ask her to reconsider the difference in how much we pay? This time around, I'd definitely want to take measurements so there's no guesswork. However, I value our relationship as friends and roommates, so I'm hesitant to go back on our original agreement. -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN FLORIDA

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: You should not be paying $200 extra. Revisit the conversation you had while the two of you were moving in and recalculate those figures. Your roommate should be paying $810 and you should be paying $910, which adds up to the $1,720 you owe the landlord.

TO THOSE WHO CELEBRATE ROSH HASHANA: At sundown tonight, the Jewish New Year begins. At this time of solemn introspection, I wish you all, "L'shana tova tikatevu" -- may you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year.