Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I'm originally from El Salvador. I have been living in the U.S. for five years, have been studying English for four years and I have my GED.

I want to join the U.S. Marine Corps because it is my dream. I want to do it because I think that service to this country is the best thing I can do. I want to protect this country, and I want my family to be proud of me.

Here is the problem: My mom and my wife don't want me to do it because they say it is dangerous. I love them both, but I want to achieve my dream. What should I do? -- DREAMING IN HOUSTON

DEAR DREAMING: I appreciate the concern your mother and your wife feel for your safety. Because they love you, of course they worry. However, the person who must live your life is you. If joining the United States Marine Corps is your dream, then following your dream is what you should do. Now is the time to have a heart-to-heart talk with your wife because this decision will have an impact on her life as well as yours.

DEAR ABBY: I raised my children to be respectful, responsible adults who are career- and family-oriented. Both are college graduates, married and successful.

My eldest daughter recently announced that she has been "going through something" and surprised us with a tattoo on her shoulder sporting her children's names on a colorful, rather large background. I was shocked because she works at a large banking firm and was recently promoted as a senior financial investor. I'm now afraid it will impede her career advancement, and also concerned it will encourage her two young daughters to get tattoos.

I have never encouraged my children to do something like this. In fact, I did the opposite. I did not comment about hers. She has known how her dad and I have felt about this since she was a young child.

Am I overreacting? What does a mother say about something so permanent? I no longer feel I know this person I thought was "conservative." -- DISAPPOINTED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Yes, you are overreacting. This is not a referendum on your parenting or your daughter's character. In a situation like this, a mother should ask her daughter what "things" she has been going through, and what that tattoo means to her. The mother should also recognize that her daughter is an adult now, and her choice to apply body art is just that -- a choice. Then she should listen carefully to what her daughter has to say, so that, if necessary, she can be supportive.

DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter moved out of our home a couple of weeks ago. Do I have the right to ask for our key back since she no longer lives here and she moved in with someone I don't trust as far as I can throw him? -- TEXAS GRANNY

DEAR GRANNY: You not only have the right, but your granddaughter should have offered to return the key at the time she moved out. Don't be mean about it, just ask for the key. Or, because you don't trust the person she's now living with, have your locks changed in case he has already made a copy. It may cost you some money, but your peace of mind is worth it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I separated last year and reconciled several months later. When we decided to get back together, he broke it off with his girlfriend. A month later she contacted him to inform him that she's pregnant with his child. She's due in a few months.

My husband and I disagree about how things should be handled when the child arrives. She says I'm not allowed to come to the hospital with him and meet the baby. I say that going without me is absurd, and any child that belongs to my husband is a part of my life, too. However, he says she is in charge of the situation. I'm worried that when the baby is born I'll be at home alone with a broken heart. Where should I draw the line with my husband? -- WORRIED WIFE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WORRIED WIFE: Forgive me if this seems cynical, but is your husband absolutely sure that the baby is his? And, if it is, to what extent does he plan to be involved in the child's life? If he participates in raising him/her, then you are right, his child will become a part of your life. If he decides to do no more than write support checks, the impact on you will be much less.

Frankly, I don't blame you for feeling worried. If a paternity test hasn't proved he's the father of the baby, he should discuss this with a lawyer to insist there be one.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 19, I lost custody of my three children to the state. They were adopted out, and I have had no contact since. Over the years I tried to find them without success. Recently, I found their names and addresses using ancestry.com to search their birth records. My son, the oldest, is 18 now, but his sisters are only 15 and 16.

I want to write a letter to the adoptive mother, let her know my side of the story and offer to open a line of communication for her and the kids. Would that be selfish? What's the right thing to do here?

I was very young and stupid when I lost my children. I'm now in my 30s and much wiser. I have lived with this heartbreak for 15 years. I don't want to disrupt their lives, but I do want them to have my contact information if they would like to have it. I know this situation is delicate. I desperately want to avoid doing the wrong thing. Please advise. -- HEARTBROKEN IN FLORIDA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Your instincts are on target. The best way to accomplish what you have in mind would be to write to the adoptive mother and allow her to decide what to do with the information you give her. Most adopted children at some point want to know who their birth parents were, if only so they can get a complete medical history.

DEAR ABBY: I love my mother, but our relationship has been awkward since I came out to her when I was 13. After I told her I was gay, she grew more and more distant. She went into full grandma mode for my sister and her sons and, in my eyes, neglected me.

She was seldom home, and when she was, we would argue about everything. It got so bad that I left and moved in with my aunt, who was like a mom to me. My sister told me she thinks Mom is in denial because every time my sister would want to talk about it, Mom would clam up.

Mom and I have NEVER talked about it. I clearly recall the day I came out. When I told Mom, she said she already knew. Then she added, "It's just a phase."

I'm sad that even after 12 years she still hasn't accepted that this is who I am and who I have always been. It upsets me that she doesn't know all of me. Should I have a sit-down talk with her like the adults we are? -- SAME SON AS ALWAYS

DEAR SAME SON: Only you can make the decision to have that important conversation with your mother. Before you do, I'm advising you to contact an organization called PFLAG. PFLAG helps to build bridges of understanding between families and their LGBTQ members. You can find it by going online to pflag.org. If your concern is that your mother's position may force you to end your relationship with her, prepare in advance by making sure you have a loving support system around you.

DEAR ABBY: I am the caregiver for my 88-year-old mom and 89-year-old dad. It has its challenges. It would help if doctors would provide written instructions, diagnoses and directions rather than rely on me to follow through. I take notes, but my parents hear what they want to hear. Without an actual note from the doctor, they tend to dismiss my notes as "that's not what he/she said." I'm sure I am not the only caregiver with this problem.

Recently, Mama's gynecologist advised her to see a urologist. It took me more than a month to convince her that it was what he said, and now we are looking at a urinary tract infection, which is not a good thing for an older woman.

My parents are not at the point where I can simply kidnap them. I realize doctors don't get paid enough for their time by Medicare, but it sure would help us keep our elders healthy. -- NOTE TAKER IN GEORGIA

DEAR NOTE TAKER: May I offer a suggestion that might prove helpful? When you take your parents for doctors' visits, record what you are told on your cellphone (in notes/memos). That way, you can replay the doctors' words verbatim regarding any diagnoses, instructions, etc. to your parents as necessary.

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter and her husband eat in a restaurant, he insists they order the same thing. If he thinks her plate looks better, he switches them. This baffles me. Does this happen to anyone else? What do you think of this? -- BAFFLED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR BAFFLED: I think your son-in-law has no consideration for your daughter's feelings, and that people who are greedy and inconsiderate about food are usually the same about other things. (He could also be controlling and/or have OCD.)