DEAR ABBY: A couple of days ago, my boss texted me to ask if I could work overtime. I accidentally responded with a kissing emoji. Before I could explain it was a mistake, my 9-year-old grabbed my phone and sent her five more kissing emojis, two vomiting emojis and 10 poop emojis. When I tried to apologize, I accidentally sent her the middle finger emoji and the bikini emoji.

I got a call from HR later that day and now I have to go to sexual harassment training. Is there anything I can do to fix this situation? I want to let my boss know how the whole thing was a ridiculous misunderstanding, but I'm afraid anything I text will only make things worse. -- MISUNDERSTOOD IN MEMPHIS

DEAR MISUNDERSTOOD: I think you have already done enough, don't you? Pursue this further and you can grab your ankles and kiss your job goodbye. Happy April Fools' Day to you, too.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for 20 years. I'm 43, and he's 63. Our sex life has died. He is no longer attracted to me, and he has let me know it.

His love is physical, not emotional. I am not the size 4 I was when he met me. As long as my body looks like he wants it to look, he's into me. If I'm a size 8 or more, he is not at all into me. I have a hard time understanding how he can love me for how I look.

Long story short, my first love has popped back into my life. I have tested the waters with him, and I'm in over my head with the way he makes me feel. I haven't slept with him yet, but I have done everything but. The chemistry between us is undeniable.

I know I'm betraying my husband, and I don't want to hurt him. He is aware of this, and I don't know what to do. Help! -- MORE THAN LOOKS IN THE SOUTH

DEAR MORE: Before this goes any further, make up your mind about what you want and need. If it's a man who will love you for yourself, not your exterior, then free your husband to find a mate who will be a perpetual size 4. (Has HIS body changed over the last 20 years?)

Whether things work out between you and your first love is anyone's guess, but if you need the emotional security of sharing your life with someone who values you for more than your looks, the person to whom you are currently married doesn't qualify.

P.S. Time is on your side. In another 20 years your husband will be in his 80s and still trying to find a size 4 who thinks he is sexually attractive, while you'll still be in your prime.

DEAR ABBY: I'm almost sure my wife is cheating on me. On her ladies' night out she has been getting home later and later. Someone drops her off at the corner and she walks to the house. The last time, I hid behind my Harley in the driveway to see if I could determine who is dropping her off. While crouching behind the bike, I noticed a puddle of oil on the driveway. Should I try to fix it myself or should I take it to the dealer? -- JIM IN IOWA FALLS

DEAR JIM: Jeez, that one's older than the hills! As intelligent as you are, I'm sure you'll make the right decision. Be careful not to slip on the oil while you're deciding.

Happy April Fools' Day to you, your wife and all my readers. And that's NO joke! -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Gabriel," has a large network of friends who have known each other for a long time. We get together as a group a couple of times a month for birthdays, sports events, etc. Whenever we do, the men veer away into their own world of conversation, while we women are left to talk to each other and eat dips.

Honestly, I dread it. These women are generally petty, hypersensitive and hard to talk to about anything of substance. We share no common interests in our jobs, musical tastes, television viewing, etc.

I don't want to skip the outings altogether because I have become good friends with the guys, and some of them will be in our wedding. But if I leave the women's table and join the men, I'm afraid I'll send a message that I'm clinging to Gabriel. That's not the case. It's that I prefer the men's conversation to what the women discuss.

Is there a solution? Must I learn to deal with what these women talk about? Can I join the men without the women thinking I'm a clingy fiancee? I would like to enjoy myself at these parties, even if it means breaking the social norm. -- BORED IN BUFFALO

DEAR BORED: Discuss this with Gabriel to see what advice he has to offer. I see no reason why you couldn't join the men. However, you should make a point of spending some time with the women so they won't get the impression that you are snubbing them.

DEAR ABBY: We live in an area where rent is very high and buying is out of the question. The nearby lower-priced areas have terrible schools and aren't safe. Because we have a small child, these are real concerns.

We have an opportunity to move to another state where costs are much lower. We could buy a nice home, the schools are excellent, and I could still maintain my same job and salary. The problem is, it would mean moving away from my family.

I want to give my daughter the chance to grow up in circumstances where we aren't constantly worried about not building home equity or saving toward retirement. But I worry that taking her away from her extended family will be rough.

My husband's relatives live all over the world. He has been in so many countries and states that he's used to not having family around. He wants us to move so we can buy a house and save for retirement. What's your advice? -- RACHEL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR RACHEL: You have given solid reasons for making the move. Chief among them is that your child will have a brighter future if she grows up in a safe environment and gets the best education possible, plus there will be less worry about all of you being safe. It is equally important for you and your husband to be able to accumulate enough in savings that your retirement years will be comfortable.

Listen to your husband because you have married a smart man. I know family is important, but your daughter already knows who they are. You may be able to visit with them in person or stay in touch via video-chatting. This is the way many families maintain close ties, and I hope you will consider it.

DEAR ABBY: This isn't a dog question but a romance one. I think my wife would rather I sleep on the dog bed and the dog sleep with her. Every morning she quietly slides out of bed to pet the dog instead of rolling over and connecting with me. At night they go to bed at the same time. The dog also gets most of her attention during the day.

We have been married for 20 years and have three kids. I'm tired of living in a marriage without romance. I can't remember the last time my wife initiated intimacy. We have sex maybe twice a month. While I don't want a divorce -- yet -- I'm almost at that point. Being a man, abstinence is not part of my DNA.

I love my wife. She's a great mom and spouse in most ways, except when it comes to affection and intimacy. I have talked with her about this, but nothing changes. Honestly, I think she'd be OK if we never had sex again. I know there's a saying that "If you are not having sex with your husband, someone else is," and I'm beginning to think that is my future. Please advise because I am running on empty. -- CLOSE TO DOGGONE DONE

DEAR CLOSE TO DOGGONE DONE: Talk to your wife again and ask her why she avoids having relations with you. Is it something you are (or aren't) doing? Has sex become physically painful for her? Could she be approaching menopause, with the inevitable hormonal changes that accompany it?

If it's either of the latter two possibilities, she needs to talk to her doctor about possible solutions. However, if it's something else, then it's time to enlist the help of a licensed marriage and family therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a student who maintains a decent GPA. However, my parents believe they have a genius in the making.

Since I started at a new school, my mother has been pressuring me more than twice as much. She no longer talks to me except to pester me about that B or C in algebra or any other class. I understand that she wants me to be smart, and I know I should be trying to live up to her expectations of a flawless, straight-A student, but I don't believe I can. Please help me. -- UNDER PRESSURE

DEAR UNDER PRESSURE: It might help if you would talk with your teachers about this, and ask if THEY think you are working up to capacity. If they feel you could be studying more effectively, they may be able to help you earn better grades.

However, if that's not the case, ask if they would speak to your mother at the next parent-teacher conference and explain to her that you are doing all you can. The kind of pressure you're getting at home may not only not help you to raise your grades, it may be counterproductive.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who insists anywhere she is that we all have to freeze so she is comfortable. What should we do? -- SHIVERING IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR SHIVERING: Wear a jacket.