Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I am a male who was molested 30 years ago. It has troubled me into adulthood. Recently, my boss informed my crew that a convicted pedophile will be working on a trial basis on our shift. The moment he said it, it started setting off triggers in my head, and I am very angry about it.

When I told my boss about my childhood experience, he acted like he didn't want to hear it. Do I have any rights in this matter? I really can't work with a man who has hurt another child like I was. -- TROUBLED VICTIM

DEAR TROUBLED VICTIM: You absolutely do have rights. You have the right to request a different shift, if that's possible. If it isn't, you also have the right to look for another job. If that's the case, it will be interesting to know how many of the other employees will follow you out the door.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I live in a nice home in the desert Southwest with an in-ground pool and guesthouse. Our friends and relatives from back east have an open invitation to visit whenever they please. We enjoyed these visits until recently.

The problem is their ever-present compulsion to be connected to an electronic device. We are not yet retired, but in the past we didn't mind taking a few days off work to spend time with folks who came all the way out here to spend a few days with us. But it seems like nowadays our guests have their noses pointed at a phone or computer most of the time they are here. They have actually missed the beauty of our area, which we are missing work to show them, because they are otherwise engaged.

Is there a pleasant way to ask them to disconnect for a bit while we are enjoying their visit, or should I just get in the grumpy old lady line? I want our visitors to have a good time, but I find this behavior especially rude. -- ALMOST DONE IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR ALMOST DONE: It's possible that your guests don't realize how much time they're spending on their computers and cellphones. Because you are so turned off you are considering rolling up the welcome mat, explain to your guests that you have given them an open invitation so you can enjoy each other's company, and you are hurt that they spend so much time on their electronic devices. Nobody gets something for nothing, and it seems the "quid" has gone missing from the "pro quo" you have been offering.

DEAR ABBY: A good friend's wife is currently in hospice care and not expected to live much longer. While I was at Walmart the other day, I passed through the card department and, because I was already there, I figured I would purchase a condolence/sympathy card. When my inner circle discovered I had bought the card before she passed, they criticized me to no end. I thought it was an efficient thing to do. I'm not wrong, am I? -- EFFICIENT IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR EFFICIENT: Oh, come on! There was nothing wrong with what you did. Many people buy cards of all types because they think the message is appropriate. You thought of your friend and his wife while you were in the card section, and it is the thought that counts -- not the date of purchase. If you made any mistake, it was in letting it be known that you purchased the card in advance. In a situation like this, discretion is key.

DEAR ABBY: My longtime friend of 30 years, "Charlotte," lives across the country. I have just learned that her husband, "Harold," is transgender and is now transitioning to become "Helen."

When they come, they always stay with us for several days because they can't afford a hotel. My husband is now very uncomfortable with them staying here or being seen out in public with them. Is there a way to tell Charlotte to come alone and still save the friendship? Or should I let them come and deal with my husband's feelings, which I think are unjust? -- UNJUST IN THE WEST

DEAR UNJUST: Talk to your husband and explain that he doesn't have to socialize more than he is comfortable with if your friends visit. If he still refuses, why don't you and he visit them this year? You could stay in a hotel while you adjust to the adjustment Harold is making.

I assume that your husband and Harold were friendly before. Perhaps if he and Harold have a chance to talk, your husband can get past his discomfort. It could be a valuable learning experience for him. Your support at this time would be a tremendous gift to this couple.

DEAR ABBY: My 22-year-old sister is unhealthily fixated on a particular cable TV channel. She will only watch this channel and is obsessed with the love stories and relationship movies. This goes far beyond a simple "like" for something, and I'm afraid she's using it as a way to avoid developing real relationships. She has few friends and has never been in a relationship. I have tried to get her to stop watching it, but it never ends well. How can I help her move away from the television set and into the real world? -- FANTASY VS. REALITY IN FLORIDA

DEAR F. VS. R.: Watching romantic movies with guaranteed happy endings (if only life were really like that!) is your sister's "safe" way of vicariously enjoying idealized relationships. Continue encouraging her to take some risk and join the real world by inviting her to join you in social groups. But until she realizes for herself that she needs to do it, it won't happen. Counseling could help her, but she won't accept it until she admits to herself that she needs help to develop the social skills she lacks and is willing to reach out for it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend for six months, and in many ways he's a great guy. One thing that irks me, though, is his tardiness.

This man can't show up on time to save his life. I have arrived at his house for a date only to find he has not even arrived at his own home yet. He is usually 30-plus minutes late for our get-togethers.

I have brought this up many times, and at this point I feel like a nag, but it's so disrespectful and rude to treat others this way. I'm annoyed to the point that I may break up with him for this reason only. Is my reaction well-founded? -- EARLY IN OREGON

DEAR EARLY: Your boyfriend is either extremely disorganized or just plain rude. If he hasn't been able to change his pattern in six months, he isn't likely to do it. You can, however, change the way you react to it.

Because you know he runs late, make your plans accordingly so you won't be kept waiting. However, if you can't do that, then rather than let it continue to stress you out, end the romance.

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, you published a recipe for cheesecake, which you said was very good. Well, it was not only "good" -- it was TERRIFIC. As a native New Yorker, I know cheesecake.

I have moved and lost my recipe. Can you republish it? It's the best! -- CHEESECAKE LOVER IN DELAND, FLA.

DEAR LOVER: Thank you for the compliment. I'm glad to oblige. My mother made it -- with either cherry or blueberry topping -- and I have fond memories of raiding the refrigerator with her again and again for "just a smidgen" more! We both carried the sweet tooth gene, and I have many delightful memories of her dinner and dessert recipes, which comprise the Dear Abby cookbooklet set. Mama was a talented hostess and prepared them for dinner parties (so have I). For readers interested in ordering the set, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $16 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. In addition to the recipes, there are tips on entertaining, and anyone who hasn't entertained before should be sure to read them. By following the suggestions, even the most nervous first-time host or hostess can be confident.

I hope you will enjoy making this cheesecake for many more years, because I serve it with pride.

ABBY'S CHEESECAKE

CRUST:

1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs

1/2 cup butter, melted (1 stick)

1/3 cup powdered sugar

CHEESECAKE:

3 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, softened

4 eggs

1 cup sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 pint dairy sour cream (at room temperature)

1 (21-ounce) can prepared cherry, blueberry or strawberry pie filling

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Combine graham cracker crumbs, powdered sugar and melted butter. Press into bottom of 8-inch springform pan.

3. In a large bowl, beat cream cheese, eggs, sugar and vanilla until smooth. Pour mixture over prepared crust.

4. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes (until center is set).

5. Remove from oven and spread sour cream on top of cheesecake. Return to oven and bake an additional 5 minutes.

6. Remove from oven and allow to cool. Spread desired topping on cheesecake.

7. Chill overnight. Before serving, carefully remove sides from pan. Serves 16.

Tip: To minimize cracking, place shallow pan half full of hot water on lower rack of oven during baking. And be sure the sour cream is at room temperature when you spread it on.

DEAR ABBY: I am a senior who is confused by what seems to be a new rule of etiquette that one should never, ever comment on another's appearance. Does it include complimenting someone on a new hairstyle or a new outfit, for example? Please clarify. -- CONFUSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFUSED: In a work situation, among the subjects that should now be avoided are references to the appearance of a subordinate or a co-worker because they could be construed as sexual harassment. However, in social situations, compliments are usually welcome.