DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is 31 and still goes to his mother's house and spends the night, even though we live less than 15 minutes away. He knows it upsets me, yet every time she asks him to spend the night, he goes. He left our children home alone while I worked overnight because it was her birthday.

His relationship with his mother is a large part of why we aren't married, and the fact that he continues to spend the night there is leading to huge fights. Is this normal or not? -- FED UP IN OHIO

DEAR FED UP: That your boyfriend would leave minor children alone and without supervision while he spends the night with his mother -- birthday or not -- is unusual. It would have been more logical for him to have invited his mother to your house to celebrate the occasion.

That said, you cannot control what your boyfriend does. I suspect there's a lot more wrong with your relationship than the fact that he hasn't emotionally separated from his mother. You two could benefit from couples counseling to sort out not only his relationship with his mother, but also your relationship with each other. If he won't go, go alone to get clarity on how to proceed with your future.

DEAR ABBY: I have a good friend who has a frustratingly bad habit. Every year, she makes a point of mentioning her upcoming birthday at least a couple of times a week, starting about four months before the day. It is never mentioned the rest of the year.

If I want to buy someone a birthday gift, I make the effort to find out when their special day is and act accordingly. If I don't wish to provide a gift, then no amount of nagging will guilt me into it. I do not want to end the friendship because she is an otherwise nice person and a good friend, but I'm sick of the nagging. Any suggestions on how to tactfully but effectively deal with this? -- NAGGED IN FLORIDA

DEAR NAGGED: The next time your friend starts up, respond by saying, "You have already told me." When she does it for the third time say, "You know, this is getting old. It looks like you are soliciting a gift." Then tell her if she keeps it up, you won't buy her one. I'll bet it works!

DEAR ABBY: Sometimes when my boyfriend and I go out with another couple and I'm talking, he abruptly says, "I never get a word in," or, "Can anyone else talk?" Abby, if I don't talk, he just sits there like a lump on a log. It's embarrassing, and I have asked him not to say that in front of other people. How should I respond when he makes cruel remarks in front of other people? -- AWKWARD SILENCE IN NEW YORK

DEAR AWKWARD: Is what your boyfriend says true? Or is it that he has trouble making social conversation? If that's the case, perhaps you should make more of an effort to draw the "lump" into the conversation. However, if it's not true, then what he's doing may be an effort to appear to be the dominant partner in your relationship.

When it happens again -- and I'm betting it will -- your response should be, "Ouch. That was hurtful and embarrassing. If you have a complaint about my behavior, please be considerate and make it privately."

DEAR ABBY: My father has been mostly absent from my life. We reconnected when I was an adult. I have always had feelings of abandonment, and because of this, I have constantly tried to build a relationship with him and allow him to have one with his grandchildren.

Dad met my friend of 10 years, "Danielle," two months ago when I threw him a birthday party. Since then, he and Danielle have begun a relationship on the sly. The problem is, Danielle tells Dad things I confided to her over the years, and he is coming back to me with whatever she has told him.

Dad has been separated for 14 years, and Danielle insisted that she wouldn't date him under those circumstances, but she did. Since the start of this, my relationship with my dad is even worse, and my long friendship with Danielle has been ruined because I know I can't trust her. Dad spends all of his time with her and her child now and hasn't begun to build a bond with me or his own grandchildren, which has been the story of my life, and my friend knows this. Abby, am I being selfish? What do you think I should do? -- MORE THAN AWKWARD IN ARKANSAS

DEAR MORE: I don't think you are selfish. You have good reason to be hurt and disappointed. Your father is remaining true to character, but your friend has betrayed your trust. You may need the help of a licensed therapist to move beyond this, and that is what I recommend you do.

Believe me, you have my sympathy. But you can't change your father or Danielle. You can, however, change the way you react to them, and a therapist will help you do that more quickly than you can do it on your own.

DEAR READERS: On April 1, I like to share a few of the more offbeat letters I receive. Here are three:

DEAR ABBY: For more than 50 years, my wife has had a close relationship with a stuffed panda bear she received when she was 8 years old. His name is Daffy, and he sits by our fireplace and pretty much rules the house. She makes him "talk" and takes him places.

When I make a mistake, like not hanging up my jacket, I say that Daffy told me not to do it. She gets mad, and I get a lecture from Daffy about how he isn't to blame and he never makes a mistake. I am joking when I blame Daffy, but my wife and Daffy don't find it funny. Am I wrong to make a joke, or should I not blame Daffy? (Daffy told me to write this letter.) -- PANDA-MONIUM OUT WEST

DEAR PANDA-MONIUM: It appears there are not one, but three "daffys" in your household. If you can't "bear" what's going on, stop joking.

P.S. You must think I'm daffy to believe this letter is legit.

DEAR ABBY: How do you address a letter to three doctors who are in a domestic partnership? Two are married to each other and have the same last name. I addressed it as, "Drs. Jane and John Doe and Joe Brown," but I wanted to be sure for future correspondence. -- THREE'S COMPANY IN ATLANTA

DEAR T.C.: Surrounded by so many doctors, you must be receiving excellent health care! The correspondence should be addressed to "Drs. Jane and John Doe and Joe Brown, M.D." Joe earned his degree and deserves that title -- even if he is coming in third.

DEAR ABBY: When I put my hand on my wife's knee at the dinner table last night, she blurted out the name of another man. What do you make of this? -- CURIOUS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CURIOUS: Unless the name she blurted was Alfredo and you were eating pasta, I suspect you may have a problem.

Happy April Fools' Day, everyone!

DEAR ABBY: This is an open letter to all those women who write to you knowing their men cheated on them and then ask, "Should I marry him?" In their hearts they already know the answer; they just want YOU to tell them "NO!"

My mother saw my fiance's car around town, parked at various churches and parking lots. He parked there so I wouldn't see his car at "the other woman's" house. Well, I showed up unexpectedly at his place one night and saw them both asleep in his bed. In a way, I felt relieved.

I knew I had to do something. I immediately canceled everything, but had the wedding invitations printed and gave them to his mom and sister to send out "right away." When the big day arrived, I sat across the street in Dad's car with my mom, watching as only HIS side of the family showed up at the vacant church. The note on the door read: "Stay with 'Jazmine.' You two deserve each other! Now tell your family what you did."

I explained everything to my parents an hour later over dinner at the restaurant where we were supposed to have had our reception. We were all relieved the wedding was canceled. We laughed so much, and we reviewed all the signs that my mom tried to show me that I had ignored.

So don't get mad, ladies. Do what I did -- dry your tears and get even. -- NEVER LOOKED BACK

DEAR NEVER: Love is blind, and you should have listened to your mother. You're lucky you found out in time and didn't marry your faithless fiance. While I don't normally recommend revenge, I think in this case, the man had it coming.

DEAR ABBY: I am 52 years old and have experienced chronic fatigue (from Lyme and Epstein-Barr) most of my adult life. Four years ago, I discovered a wonderful medical practitioner and, by adhering to her protocol, regained such improved health that I began volunteering with a local organization. Due to a recent setback, however, fatigue has prevented me from volunteering, and my absence has been noticed.

Although I am usually a private person, I decided to divulge my health issues to the leader so he wouldn't think I was unhappy with my duties. He then began asking if I had tried various health products and remedies to the point where I felt I was on trial and defending myself. In the past, before I received an accurate diagnosis, some family members and physicians doubted the validity of my illness, so I am sensitive to being questioned.

Over the years, I have sought treatment from various sources, from local health stores to nationally recognized hospitals, and I don't appreciate advice from healthy armchair experts. I also don't like being questioned or doubted. Did I set myself up by disclosing my health issues, or should I have remained polite but vague? -- SURVIVOR IN THE EAST

DEAR SURVIVOR: In a sense, yes, you did set yourself up by disclosing the reason for your absence. The medical conditions from which you suffer were poorly understood years ago, and many people -- medical personnel included -- were under the impression that their patients' problems were all in their heads. Please try to be less defensive where this person is concerned. From my perspective, he was only trying to be helpful.