DEAR ABBY: My husband and I married two years ago. A year later we welcomed our first child. I never imagined I would ever want a divorce. Well, I found out early this year that my husband has a fetish/fantasy about bigger women. (He actually said it.) He is a "feeder." He has purchased books related to these things and watches videos and reads stories about it while sitting next to me on the couch! It turns him on. He has asked me to consider gaining weight. I told him he needs help.

I made an appointment for him to see a therapist, and am forcing him to go. I feel cheated on and disrespected. I don't know how to handle this bomb he dropped on me. I don't know how to be with someone who has such a strong impulse. I hate to feel at fault for walking away and breaking up our family, but I can't go along with this and risk my health. I also don't know how to live apart from him. Any help is appreciated. -- WIFE OF A FEEDER

DEAR WIFE: Your husband should have discussed this with you before you married. Gaining weight to feed your husband's fetish would not be healthy for you physically or -- feeling as you do -- emotionally.

Because you already have a licensed mental health professional in your database, schedule an appointment for yourself to help you rationally decide what you need to do. (Can your husband be content to have his fantasy but not involve you?) You may not want to "feel at fault" for walking away, but you aren't going to change him, and your first responsibility must be to maintain your health so you can parent your child to adulthood.

DEAR ABBY: This has been weighing on me for a long time. A guy I've known for years receives tons of food from a food pantry his sister runs. It sickens me because he's financially set. He brags to me about never ever having to buy groceries again. I think about the children and families who are in need of food during these terrible times. He is the worst kind of cheapskate and doesn't like spending money on anything.

Obviously, if his sister is allowing this, she is doing the same thing. I told him he should be ashamed of himself for taking advantage of this program. His response was that he served our country, so he's entitled! (He was dishonorably discharged after seven months.) He truly feels the food is owed to him. This has been bothering me for a long time and, to be honest, I wish he had never told me. -- DISGUSTED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR DISGUSTED: And your question is? Those two appear to have no conscience. Contact the head of the organization that sponsors the food bank and tell the person what you have written to me. I don't think I'm being too harsh to point out that "Sissy" is guilty of theft by funneling food to her brother and preventing a needy family from having it. Shameless.

DEAR ABBY: Is it possible to be in love with someone who is incarcerated? -- ROMANTIC IN TEXAS

DEAR ROMANTIC: Yes. However, it depends upon the length of the relationship and whether you met the person before he or she was incarcerated. If you knew the person before, it is possible. However, if your relationship began while he or she was serving time, it is extremely important that you verify anything you are being told and refrain from sending the person money.

DEAR ABBY: My oldest brother is running for a state office. Unlike me, he does not like animals. He has "hauled" litters of puppies off and shot at cats. In addition, he refuses to help our elderly parents. Family or not, I don't want someone to be a leader in our state capital who exhibits such poor moral and unethical behavior.

He has been married several times, and I know for a fact he cheated on one of his wives. I avoid attending his fundraisers and asking for votes, but other family members keep telling me that "blood is thicker than water," and that I "must" vote for him regardless of his behavior. Of course, behind the curtain I can vote for whoever I want, but should I cave to the pressure to show up in support of him at public events? Even my husband said I should donate money to his campaign because he is family. What is your opinion? -- NON-SUPPORTER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR NON-SUPPORTER: If you do not support a candidate, keep your checkbook closed. And as to showing up to endorse your brother's run for office, continue to refrain and cross your fingers that your absence won't be noticed amidst all the excitement. If your husband wants to donate to your morally degenerate brother's campaign, it is his choice, and he has a right to it just as you have a right to yours.

P.S. Anyone who would shoot at a defenseless animal and neglect his aged parents ("Honor thy father and thy mother") really doesn't belong in ANY office.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 39 years decided two weeks ago to cease all communication with me. We had a sometimes-rocky marriage, but since becoming empty-nesters six months ago, we have enjoyed a rebirth of our relationship -- long walks, games, fun meals, concerts, etc.

Two weeks ago, we had what I thought was a minor disagreement about the use of a credit card. Since then she has treated me like I don't exist. She answers my questions with one word only or no response. I have begged her to talk to me about what's wrong; she just turns away. She has altered her daily schedule to avoid having contact with me. I am shattered. What can I do? -- CLUELESS IN TENNESSEE

DEAR CLUELESS: It's time to review why your marriage to this woman was "rocky." Stop begging, step back and count yourself fortunate that you have had this reminder. Counseling might help you and your wife to communicate in a healthier way if she is willing to try. However, if she isn't, you will have to decide how much more "punishment" you are willing to tolerate when you disagree, and what is realistic to do about it if you aren't.

DEAR ABBY: We have a neighbor whose adult son has gotten into trouble with the law. His mom and dad are devastated and have withdrawn from all of us. How do we handle it when we see them around the neighborhood? Do we ignore "the elephant" and just say hi? Do we ask them how their son is doing? It's so sad to see them suffer, and we don't know what to do. -- WHAT TO DO IN THE EAST

DEAR WHAT TO DO: When you see your neighbors, be cordial. Make polite conversation, and if they mention their son, listen to what they have to say and be supportive, but not judgmental.

DEAR ABBY: I recently welcomed my third child, a baby boy who was wanted and planned. We are overjoyed. Our two daughters are just under 10 years old. Over the years, my social circle has consisted mostly of the parents of my daughters' friends.

Abby, my news was met with mixed reactions. Some were thrilled for my pregnancy, while others were shocked. One woman even told me, "I'm just not in that phase of life anymore."

After my son was born, I didn't get visits or even a phone call from some of them. I announced his birth on social media and mailed out a beautiful announcement, but he hasn't been acknowledged nor have I been checked on.

I know he won't really be affected by this and I'm trying to focus on the positives. We have a big family on both sides, and many people within our community have warmly welcomed him. But I have been a good friend to these women, supported them in their times of need and even reached out during this pandemic to check on them in an effort to reconnect. I'm so disappointed. What am I supposed to say to these "friends" when I run into them again? -- NEW MOM AGAIN

DEAR MOM: When you encounter them, be cordial. Make polite conversation and ask how they and their families are doing. If they inquire, tell them you and your family are well. Then move on, recognizing you are dealing with individuals who are solely centered upon themselves. Do not attempt to revive a relationship with anyone who cares so little about you that they would treat you as they have, but do recognize how fortunate you are that you know not to invest more of your time or yourself in them.

DEAR ABBY: I divorced my abusive ex-husband and am happily remarried. I have a son and daughter from my first marriage. They saw a lot of physical and emotional abuse when they were young. I stayed in the marriage to keep the family together until I realized my children were being hurt in the process. My son witnessed more of the abuse than my daughter.

My son has constantly brought up the past and has never been able to make a decent living. He's married with three children, and they have lived with his mother-in-law for years. I have apologized many times for what happened in the past and asked for forgiveness. I don't know what else I can do.

I always send birthday and holiday money telling them that I love them, but for some reason they have stopped answering my calls or responding to my texts. I call them three or four times a year. They used to call me when they needed money, but now they don't call at all. Should I stop sending birthday checks? They missed Mother's Day and my heart is broken. I don't know what I've done wrong. -- PAYING FOR THE PAST

DEAR PAYING: You will never know what you "did wrong" unless one of your adult offspring decides to tell you. I hope you realize that you are being abused again, this time by two passive-aggressive adults. You are not the reason your son lives with his mother-in-law. As to your daughter, who knows her reason for radio silence?

Please stop flogging yourself. Start living your own life. Bind up that broken heart and focus on happiness with your new husband because, as things stand, you're not going to find much with these two. Send cards if you must, but omit the money. If you do, I'm sorry to say you may hear from them sooner.