DEAR ABBY: My friend "Kate" has had a lot of trauma in her life, and she feels things very deeply. She has experienced assault, the suicide of a close friend, the death of several family members, discovered she can't have children, and managed to escape an abusive relationship, all in the last five years or so.

Kate does all the things people are supposed to do when coping with grief and is doing very well. The problem is me. I find it hard to be around her because of all the drama. Intellectually, I understand none of this is Kate's fault. She isn't being attention-seeking or deliberately causing drama. But I find myself becoming impatient with her ongoing discussion of feelings. I'm not someone who feels deeply or is easily traumatized. Bad things happen, I get over it and move on. How can I learn to be the patient, caring friend she needs? -- TRYING TO BE A BETTER FRIEND

DEAR TRYING: Quit being so hard on yourself. You are and have been a good friend. It's important that you not allow Kate's burdens to "sink" you. The two of you are very different people, and you should explain that to her as you have to me. If her trauma and drama become more than you can healthfully absorb, step back and tell her you will talk with her later, tomorrow or when it is convenient for you both, which will allow you time to come up for air.

DEAR ABBY: I am self-quarantined for a number of reasons because of the virus. I am 87 and live alone. My daughter is very concerned that I not become ill because her husband is in treatment for cancer. Obviously, she doesn't want to have to come care for me and endanger her husband's already reduced immunity.

A friend called to ask how I am doing. I told her I was self-quarantined, and she asked if I needed anything. I told her I didn't have eggs, but it was no big deal. She said she would bring me some. I sent her a text and asked her to leave them on the porch, and she said, "You mean you won't let me in the house?" She said she isn't sick and can't understand why I'm doing this. I tried to explain that you can be contagious without symptoms, but she was still insulted.

I thought everyone in the world knew the basics of quarantine, but apparently she's still taking it personally. She hasn't called for three days, and I'm heartsick. Advice? -- SHUT IN IN ARIZONA

DEAR SHUT IN: In spite of the fact that the federal, state and local governments are releasing information on a daily basis about the importance of social distancing and self-quarantining, there is still confusion in the minds of some of the public. Your friend is a perfect example of this. You are doing what you're doing for the right reason, and I hope you will continue, not only for your son-in-law's sake, but also for your own.

DEAR ABBY: I've been married five years, and I just discovered that my husband still has several text messages from his late wife. He thinks I shouldn't be upset about it. Am I wrong for asking him to delete them? -- FEELING BETRAYED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR FEELING BETRAYED: Yes, you are! Do not compete with a deceased spouse. Hanging on to mementoes is a way many people grieve. If the texts hold significance for him, let him have them. You're his wife now, and that's what matters.

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old son and I recently had a discussion that maybe you can help clarify. We are seeing more about trans people these days, and I'm not sure how to address them.

I don't want to offend anyone, but when you see a large male wearing pants, shirt, etc. but has pink hair and makeup, should I say "sir" or "madam"? My son says I should ask what pronoun they would like to be referred by, but I am not sure that's a polite way to find out. I know this is also intertwined with sexual preference, but it still doesn't mean it is clear-cut. What's the most polite way to handle this? -- CONFUSED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONFUSED: You are confusing "preference" with "orientation." Preference implies that one's sexuality is a choice rather than something that is wired into our brains. People do not choose to be gay, straight or gender dysphoric. Gender identity is about who you are. Sexual orientation is about who you love.

As to how you should refer to or address a large male wearing a shirt and pants while sporting pink hair and full makeup, I agree with your son. It makes sense to ask the person, who, I am sure, is fully aware that their appearance is "different." Asking the person's name may also provide a clue.

DEAR ABBY: All my life I have followed orders. I haven't been able to determine my own path. When I was young, I did what my mother told me. When I was old enough, I joined the Marines, and I did as they said. After I separated from the service, I did what my social group expected. After I had a child, I did what a parent should do to protect and provide. That took the next 35 years of my life.

I am 60 now, retired, and the master of my ship. Without "orders," I don't know where to go from here, and I am adrift. They say find a passion, do what makes you happy. But I am not passionate about anything. I like many things but feel no passion.

Being alive makes me truly happy. I love every day God gives me. But what to do with these days eludes me. What shall I do? Can you help me? -- FOLLOWING ORDERS IN THE EAST

DEAR FOLLOWING: Ralph Waldo Emerson said: "The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you lived and lived well." Perhaps if you concentrate more on doing just one thing a day for someone else, you will discover the passion you are looking for. I can't promise it will work, but it may be a step in the right direction.

DEAR ABBY: I live in New England, where it is very gray during the winter. I was inspired by the bright colors of a local Mexican restaurant to redecorate my house. I feel happier with all the lovely colors, but my neighbors feel I am being culturally insensitive because I am not Mexican. I disagree. I think I'm being appreciative. What do you think? -- APPRECIATING IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR APPRECIATING: I'm glad you asked. I think you have certain neighbors who should mind their own business and keep their criticism to themselves. I also think that you adopted the color scheme you did as a compliment.

DEAR ABBY: After many years, my sister and I finally have a decent relationship. I feel I can tell her about almost anything.

My brother-in-law, "Aaron," is an alcoholic, and my sister enables him. When he drinks, his already quick temper becomes worse and he "knows everything." To make things worse, they have a 3-year-old child I'll call "Casey." It infuriates me when I see Aaron's crude, foul-mouthed, "omnipotent" behavior in front of Casey.

There have been times he has used my presence (because I babysit Casey) to drink to the point of impairment. When Casey has a tantrum or is overtired and acts her age, Aaron loses patience with her. He yells at her, slams things down in front of her and storms out of the room.

I'm well aware that children watch and learn behavior from their parents. Daughters will seek out boys, then men who behave like their father, thinking it is normal behavior. How do I approach my sister, who buys Aaron whiskey when he's feeling down, that there's a serious problem here?

My husband and I have a stable home and successfully raised five children. We would be willing to take in Casey until Aaron is truly well. My comments to my sister will be met with fury or maybe hatred, but I will do whatever is best for Casey. I love that little girl too much to see her raised in such a toxic environment. -- BETWEEN A DRUNK AND A HARD PLACE

DEAR BETWEEN: You say your sister slips her husband alcohol when he's down. To me that says he may be using it to self-medicate depression.

You do need to talk with your sister. When you do, explain you are concerned about Aaron's change of behavior when he drinks and the effect it has -- and will continue to have -- on little Casey. Aaron does need help, but so does your sister. Enabling someone, as well-intentioned as it may be, is not helping the person.

Aaron needs to talk to a doctor about his episodes of depression, and your sister could gain a great deal of insight by attending some Al-Anon meetings. You can find one nearby by visiting al-anon.org. Offer to go with her if she's reluctant.

DEAR ABBY: I am in an interracial relationship (I'm black, and she's white/Hispanic). We have been together for a year.

She has met just about all my family and all of my friends, but I have only met four people in her life. She has a lot of friends on social media, but no one knows about me. She never posts pictures of us or even hints anything about me. She is friends with her ex-boyfriend, and she knows about his girlfriend, but he has no clue about me. No one does. I feel like I'm her invisible man.

She comes from a "country" background, and I'm afraid she is embarrassed or ashamed of me. Am I reading too much into this, or should I be concerned that she may not be into me as much as I am into her? We were talking about getting married. -- INVISIBLE MAN IN TEXAS

DEAR INVISIBLE MAN: Something isn't right here. You say you "were" talking about getting married. Are you still talking about it? I find it peculiar that after being together for a year, you haven't met her family, you have met so few of her friends and she has posted nothing about you on social media. The time has come to ask her the reason and whether your romance may have run its course.