DEAR ABBY: My worst fear has come true. My daughter just became engaged to someone we do not approve of. They have been together for three years, and it has been three years of drama -- from not working because they have to be together 24/7 to domestic violence. Must I attend the wedding? Should I help her plan it? She is my first born and I adore her, but I feel she is making a huge mistake. -- RELUCTANT IN OHIO

DEAR RELUCTANT: I am going to assume that you have expressed your feelings and concerns to your daughter. If that's the case, then you must accept that she is an adult and capable of making her own decisions.

Should you help plan the wedding? Yes, as long as you are not paying for it. Should you attend even though you don't approve of her choice of husband? Absolutely! If he's a violent abuser, she is going to need family around her so she doesn't become isolated and totally under his control. Her life could depend on it.

DEAR ABBY: My 7-year-old granddaughter, "Leyla," has a playmate who is a transgender girl. My fear is that she may find out the truth and feel betrayed by her playmate as well as me. Should I explain it to her?

It doesn't matter to me that her friend is transgender because I have always believed that a person's most important trait is having good morals. I'm an upfront and honest person. However, with respect to this subject, I feel that if I remain silent, it's as though I'm somehow betraying my granddaughter.

Leyla is very accepting of all people, and I don't believe it would change her relationship with the child as long as I explain everything to her about people who are trans. Any advice would be appreciated. -- PROGRESSIVE GRAN IN ARIZONA

DEAR GRAN: Do Leyla's parents know about the friendship? Assuming they do, have a chat with them, as well as the playmate's parents, to make sure you're all on the same page. I do not think you should "out" Leyla's playmate to her. But I DO think it is time you start talking to your granddaughter about gender and what makes a girl a girl and what makes a boy a boy.

At some point, her friend may feel comfortable enough about the friendship -- and herself -- to tell Leyla herself. When that happens, be prepared to answer any questions your granddaughter may have. PFLAG, an organization I have mentioned before in my column, is an excellent resource for LGBTQ issues and will be helpful to you if you reach out. Its website is pflag.org.

DEAR ABBY: Sadly, my son passed away (suicide), leaving his two younger sisters. I am often asked how many children I have, and I'm never sure how to respond. I feel it would be disrespectful to my son's memory if I don't include him. However, if I do, it invariably leads to more questions than I care to answer. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. -- REMEMBERING HIM

DEAR REMEMBERING: I am sorry for your loss. While a question about children is a way people often use to establish a common bond, it can be an emotionally loaded one. Consider offering this response: "I have three children. One of them is in heaven." If you are pressed further, it would not be impolite to respond that the subject is painful and you would rather not discuss it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 14 years to a man a lot of people in our town think has no flaws. He helps a lot of people, and he is also a pastor, but he ignores me and takes me for granted, personally, emotionally and sexually. He'd rather watch TV until he falls asleep on the couch.

He looks at pornography online, and I catch him often. Even if he's busy at work, he finds time for everybody but me. He always has excuses.

Since I married him, I have supported him and have gone the extra mile in all aspects -- his work, church activities. I have waited on him and made sure all his needs were met. Now I have reached the end of the line, and I want to leave. But if I do, people who know him will make me the villain.

Although we still live under one roof for financial reasons, now I separate myself from him, look after him less and sleep in another room with my dog. Please, Abby, give me your views. -- DONE WITH IT IN MAINE

DEAR DONE: It appears your husband has already checked out of this marriage-in-name-only. Stop being afraid of being labelled a villain and offer your husband the option of couples counseling to see if the two of you can reconnect. Take into consideration that there may be more involved than you are aware of (ED problems, another woman). If your husband refuses, and you haven't already done so, confide what has been happening in two or three close female friends. They can then spread the word that there is more than one side to the story. Then talk to an attorney.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, my mother-in-law moved into a nursing home and was very sad to be leaving the house she had lived in for 50 years. My husband, devastated at the thought of someone else owning his childhood home, convinced me to sell our house and buy the house from my mother-in-law. We moved in and began renovating it with the intention that it would become our forever home.

The problem is, everyone regards it as their home, not ours. His adult children, his brother and his nieces all come and go as they please. I have talked to my husband about locking the front door, but he often forgets.

His family members come into our house and make a mess or eat our food or sit out on our deck. Then they act like I need to accept it, as it's their family house. I could maybe understand if we had inherited the house, but we pay the mortgage on it.

I'm out of patience. How do I get my in-laws to once and for all see that this house is not theirs but ours? -- DESPERATE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR DESPERATE: I assume you have been hesitant to tell these in-laws that the names on the deed to the house are yours and your husband's. If you haven't said it plainly, the time to do it is now. You don't have to be nasty, but you do have to convey that you would like guests to call before coming over to be sure it's convenient. This is not too much to ask.

It goes without saying (I sincerely hope) that they shouldn't mess the place up or help themselves to your food uninvited. Your husband should back you up on this. Because he sometimes forgets to lock the door, that responsibility is one you will have to assume. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My hairdresser, former neighbor and friend recommended her unemployed brother to do some minor repairs to my home. He and his sister were trying to push me into a relationship. I am a widow with no children. I have no mortgages, car notes, etc. I'm not wealthy, but I am well set.

My hairdresser recently mentioned that her brother was using crack cocaine again. I'm furious that she didn't disclose her brother's addiction sooner. Should I let it go or confront her about this? I really don't want to lose my hairdresser. -- STYLED RIGHT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STYLED: You are certainly free to ask your hairdresser why she didn't tell you her brother had a crack habit before recommending him to do repairs in your home. It's a fair question, if nothing is missing and the repairs were done properly. Refrain from doing it while you are angry. If you hang onto your temper, there is no reason why your relationship with the woman should end.

As to a relationship with the brother, no law says you must have one with him. You don't have to be confrontational, but be less available. As you spend more time with other people, he will get the message.

DEAR ABBY: My son (age 30) is getting a liver transplant soon, and my ex-husband (son's father) refuses to use personal protective equipment in his encounters with others because he thinks his civil liberties are being violated. We don't communicate often because the new wife is a very unpleasant person who took my house away 10 years ago. I'm OK with that because I landed on my feet in a much better situation, but I do not trust her or speak to her.

I have left posts on Facebook requesting that those who intend to help my son use PPE for at least two weeks before seeing him. So far, my ex has not responded. How can I get him to understand that this is HIS child and not wearing PPE could kill him? -- COVID CONCERNED IN GEORGIA

DEAR COVID CONCERNED: Your son's transplant specialist should be asked to send your ex a registered letter explaining the precautions that must be taken if he visits his son and how important they are. I am crossing my fingers that the doctor will do it. But your son must understand that if Daddy is unwilling to cooperate, HE (your son), not you, is the person who must enforce that rule because he will be immuno-compromised, and his life depends on it. As much as you might wish to, you cannot police every encounter Daddy has with his adult son.

DEAR ABBY: Last year, relatives said they would attend a party we were hosting. They didn't come, and we never received any reason why. We had to pay for their dinners. We may see them at an upcoming social event. How should we greet them? -- ANNOYED IN OHIO

DEAR ANNOYED: What your relatives did was rude and inconsiderate. When you see them, say hello and calmly ask why they didn't show up. Be polite, which they weren't -- and in the future remove them from your guest list if their answer doesn't satisfy you.