DEAR NATALIE: My son recently got engaged, and they are in the planning stages of their wedding. We have a small family, and the bride has a large family. I saw the tentative list of invitees. The bride's family looked to be sizable; our family had a small amount of invitees, including my husband and me. I'm trying not to get out of control, but is it too early to ask if we are allowed to invite close friends because the venue they are looking at has very limited space? We already gave them a sizable check with no restrictions. -- HURT ALREADY 

DEAR HURT ALREADY: Aren't weddings so fun? Everyone has to smile at one another while secretly wanting to pull each other's hair out. But before you end up bald before the wedding, stop and think before handing them a list of your closest friends. Clearly, the bride has the reins in this case, and while back in the day it was customary for the bride's family to pay for most -- if not all -- of the party, the cost of weddings has increased so much that it is often a group effort. I applaud you for cutting them a sizable check to help with the costs, but I still feel as though this is her day. Instead of approaching her with a list of your friends, first go to your son and say to him, "I noticed the guest list is really unbalanced. Here are some close family friends. You remember so-and-so?" See if he can nudge her into including two or three more couples on your side of the aisle. But, if that doesn't go anywhere, do what a lot of my friends are doing: Make this a multi-part event and have your close friends over for brunch the next day after the wedding (and invite her immediate family of course!) to celebrate their marriage. It may not be the same as being at the wedding, but the gesture will be sweet, and who doesn't like mimosas to cure their wedding hangover? 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Don't think of Instagram as just a place where selfies live. Make connections through the direct messenger and reach out to people through your social network to help facilitate relationships. A little "like" can go a long way! 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: A year ago a very good friend/co-worker and I had a falling out of sorts. When "Sue" was on vacation, I said some uncaring, disloyal things about her. I was under extreme stress due to family and work issues but that is no excuse. My comments were relayed to her by another co-worker/friend while Sue was away. When she returned, she was very cool towards me. I called her the next day and we had a good talk about what I had said and why. She said she was very "disappointed" and hurt that I didn't have her back when she always had mine. I apologized profusely, admitted there was no excuse for me to talk about her that way and hoped she could forgive me and we could still be friends. She said not to worry, we would always be friends. However, throughout the past year, our friendship has not been the same. I miss the way we used to talk and confide in each other. We are still friends but the closeness is gone. I don't know what I can do at this point. It's more of a feeling on my part, not something I can put in words as so much time has gone by. Do I just accept the fact that I really screwed up and we'll never be best friends again? -- MISSING MY BFF 

DEAR MISSING MY BFF: Ouch. Sounds as though you made quite a mess, but I don't believe that all is lost. First, let's look at this from Sue's perspective. Her BFF talks behind her back, says some really hurtful/embarrassing things and then gets an apology from her so-called BFF. What's a girl to do? However, we are all human. We all make mistakes and it sounds as though you have beaten yourself up about this long enough. Actions speak louder than words, and the best thing you can do is to show her -- no matter how long it takes -- that you miss her, you want to be close again, and that you learned your lesson about talking behind her back. It's not a nice feeling when unkind words are said, and I'm sure she was really sad when those words got back to her. It's also important to note that the little bird that told her what was said should be kept at arm's length, as well, as you don't need her meddling. Instead, make a concerted effort to continue to reach out to Sue and recognize that while you may never have the exact same relationship as you once did, friendship is built on trust and loyalty, and that can take time to rebuild. But you can do it, brick by brick. 

DEAR NATALIE: With the holidays right around the corner - can you believe it! -- my partner and I are already fighting about where we will be spending our time. She wants to visit her family out in Arizona, but my family is in our city. I don't really have the funds, or the time, to travel this season, but she is adamant, saying that we always do what I want to do. While there is a little truth to that, her family was really cold toward her when she came out, and I don't understand why she wants to spend time with them, anyway, considering my family adores her and she loves them, too. Any thoughts as to how to make this work? -- I'M DREAMING OF A CALM CHRISTMAS 

DEAR I’M DREAMING OF A CALM CHRISTMAS: I was totally on board with you until I got halfway through your letter and realized that maybe your partner is trying to improve her relationship with her family. Don't roll your eyes. I know it may seem weird to think that since they were so cold to her, why would she care so much? But, these issues run deep and we all want to be loved and accepted by our family. Maybe she feels as though things are calmer now, maybe the dust has settled, or maybe her family has been reaching out and she just hasn't told you because - ahem - you sound a little judgy about the whole thing. And while they were probably acting like jerks about the whole thing, time can heal, and the holidays, as cliche as it sounds, are a perfect time to feel nostalgic, to feel warm and fuzzy and to feel like you just want to forgive and hug it out. Don't deny her that. Find a way to make it happen so that she can spend some time making up for lost time this holiday season. Betcha she will kiss you under the mistletoe!  

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Recently, I checked off an item from my bucket list: Buy a drink for the person behind me in line at the coffee shop. It felt really awesome to do a totally random act of kindness, and we ended up having a really great conversation. You never know where or how you are going to make a connection, so open yourself up to the possibility that a latte love can go a long way.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I hear from women that they want romance, but in light of everything that has been going on in the media, I feel that if I am romantic it can “creep women out.” What’s the appropriate thing to do on a first date or if you are pursuing a woman? I feel like the rule book is out the window. -- NOT A CREEP

DEAR NOT A CREEP: This all comes down to respect and boundaries. There is nothing wrong with asking a woman out on a date. If she says no or doesn’t seem interested, just move on. This is where people get tripped up. We have seen too many rom-coms where the guy pursues and wears the girl down until she finally concedes. But in reality, do you really want to be with someone that you had to “push” into dating you? I know people can be fickle. I know they change their minds. I know they may “seem” uninterested but might really be. But for right now, in light of everything happening in the world, better to play it safe. If she says she would like to go out with you, then great! Pick a fun place for a first date, a casual restaurant or stroll a winter market (like the ones Downtown) and stop for some hot cocoa. A first date should feel light but also a space where you can actually get to know someone. Movies aren’t great for that because you don’t talk or look at each other for two hours. If you are a romantic man, nothing wrong with bringing her a token of affection like some flowers or chocolates. Find out what she likes and go from there. Some people may be rolling their eyes, but I like romance. I think the world needs a lot more of it. Bring on the corny, mushy, gushy love stuff. That’s the one thing in highest demand (even if people won’t admit it).

DEAR NATALIE: Is it OK to wear heels even if it makes me taller than my date? I have just started dating someone who I really like, but he is 2 inches shorter than me. (I’m 5 feet 11 inches.) Every time I wear heels, I feel like a giant over him, but I don’t want to give up my shoes! He doesn’t seem to mind, but we do get looks from other people when we are out together and I’m in heels. Any suggestions? -- STILETTO QUEEN

DEAR STILETTO QUEEN: If you love to wear heels and your new partner doesn’t make a fuss, then why do you care what other people may think? You are a tall drink of water, and there is nothing wrong with that! Throw those shoulders back, lift your head up high and walk with the confidence you have inside of you. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, and if wearing stilettos makes you feel good, then just shake off any unwanted stares and enjoy the higher altitude!

Natalie’s Networking Tip of the Week: How you shake hands says a lot about your personality. A weak handshake indicates a doormat in a lot of people’s minds. You don’t want to shake too hard or you look overly aggressive. A firm but friendly shake indicates confidence but approachability. (Who knew there was so much in a shake?)

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)