DEAR NATALIE: I’m having a bit of a problem with my marriage. Recently, my husband insists on knowing where I am at all times. He constantly calls me to “check in” with what I’m doing, and whenever the weekend hits, he never wants to do anything unless we do it together. It is really annoying. We also have two kids, and with him acting this way, it feels like three. Can’t he just trust me? I don’t bug him at work all day! -- TOTALLY ANNOYED

DEAR TOTALLY ANNOYED:I wonder why this behavior has suddenly appeared? Sometimes, when we feel insecure about something that we are doing ourselves, we project it onto other people. What is he doing during the day that maybe he is feeling guilty about? Is there something he is hiding? When he suddenly takes an interest in what you are doing with your time, it makes me wonder what he is doing with his. Investigate this. Is he worried you are having an affair? Is he having one? I’m not trying to sound the alarm, but there is clearly something else happening here below the surface. Either he has some sort of insecurity and fear that you are going to leave him, or he is doing something that he feels guilty about and is projecting that onto your marriage. Either way, sit him down and get to the bottom of this before he drives you (and himself) completely insane.

DEAR NATALIE: My girlfriend claims that I am no longer “emotionally available” after we discussed moving in together, and I told her I wasn’t ready for that. We have been dating only a year, and I’m just not ready for that step. We both turned 30 this year, and she is very focused on “taking things to the next step” — meaning marriage and children.

I’m very focused on my career right now and am not ready for any added pressure. I love her, but how do I convince her to slow down? — TOO MUCH TOO SOON

DEAR TOO MUCH TOO SOON: It is important that you are both on the same page as you move the relationship forward. Easier said than done. I don’t blame you for being career focused at your age, and I also don’t blame her for wanting to take things to the next step, either.

The answer depends on what you can both live with. If you aren’t ready to move in together yet, talk about a timeline that you feel is feasible. Maybe you don’t move in until you are engaged or when you both are more financially stable. Whatever your reasoning is, make it clear to her as to why you are waiting. Let her know that you love her and want to eventually take those next steps — assuming that you do! — but that the timing isn’t right. Then, the ball is really in her court. Find a compromise or move on.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Not someone who is good at starting conversations but know someone who is? Bring an outgoing friend with you to your next networking event with the intention of having him or her introduce you to people you want to meet. Your friend will get some new connections, too, and the satisfaction of helping you as well.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE:  I just found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me for the past three months with a “close” friend of mine. I am LIVID. I don’t know what to do. My friend and I are no longer speaking, and my boyfriend thinks this will blow over, as he has promised not to see her anymore. He is being all apologetic but I am so over it. I don’t believe him, anyway. We share an apartment and I want to move all of my stuff out, but my friends said I should trash his stuff and throw away his favorite clothes/ shoes/ movies/ etc. They even said I should key his car. What do you think? —I AM SO MAD

DEAR I AM SO MAD: Before you turn this into a Carrie Underwood “Before He Cheats” video, take a breath. And then another. While trashing his things may feel good in the moment, it won’t change what he did. You need to decide what you want to do. Two choices: You figure it out together or you dump him immediately. If this was me, I would be more inclined to leave him. If he’s willing to cheat on you with a “friend,” who knows what else he is capable of. The truth is, the lying is worse than the actual cheating. If he could look into your eyes, lie to your face for three solid months, that just shows what little care or concern he has for other people. He’s selfish and only concerned about his own happiness. You don’t want to set a precedent where you are allowing this bad behavior. Drop him like a bad habit. And make him move out. Why should you have to couch-hop when he was the one that started this mess in the first place? Next.

DEAR NATALIE: Why is it when I want my boyfriend to do something that I want to do, he comes up with a million excuses not to go, but he expects me to attend every work function and party that arises for him? This doesn’t seem fair. Last week, there was an arts festival in town, and I thought it would be fun. He didn’t think so, but later in the week he asked me to go with him to a work dinner! When I said “No,” we got into a big fight because he claims I don’t support him. Isn’t support a two-way street? —NOT BUDGING

DEAR NOT BUDGING: Often in relationships, we think everything should be a 50/ 50 split, but in reality, it rarely is. Sometimes you give 90%, and they give 10 and vice versa. However, when it seems like you are always giving and it always feels as though they are taking, it is time to reassess the relationship. His interest in work-related functions to help serve him and his career are not surprising and even understandable. But, when you mentioned doing something fun, like an arts festival, and he wasn’t interested, it makes me wonder if it is really because of work stuff or he just can’t be bothered unless it is about him. He is acting really self-absorbed. You are both in this relationship together. Stick to your guns on this one. Either he needs to make more time for the things that you want to do together outside of work functions, or he can go to the events solo. And while we’re on this topic of reassessing dynamics, look at the rest of the relationship, too. Is he selfish in other areas? Expects you to do for him but doesn’t give in return? Is he thoughtless or careless in his behavior? Take note of the bigger picture and decide what kind of relationship and partner you want. Sometimes, it’s not enough to love somebody if you don’t have the same vision of the future.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Having a one-on-one meeting with a potential future employer? Do your research. Learn about the company as well as the position you are interested in. Smile, be polite and be on time (or 10 minutes early for good measure!)

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My relationship of three years has just fallen apart. My partner moved out last night, and I am so upset. She claims she fell in love with another woman. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. She just packed her stuff up while I was at work and left. What do I do? I want to get her back but she seems over me. I’m so so so so so so sad. —BROKEN HEARTED

DEAR BROKEN HEARTED: I can’t even imagine coming home to this. I am so sorry. There was clearly a disconnect between the two of you that started long before she decided to move out. Think back. What were some of the possible signs? Were you intimate less frequently? Was she making up excuses not to see you? Were your fights becoming more frequent or were you just drifting apart? While you may feel blindsided in the moment, take time to reflect. Sometimes, we see what we want to see when we are in love. It wasn’t nice of her to run out on you like she did, but she may have had her reasons. Maybe she was afraid to confront you. Maybe she had been having an affair and didn’t want to admit it. It could have been easier for her just to leave. Whatever the reason is, you have two options. You can either accept it and let it be or you can continue to pursue her until she at least decides to talk to you to clear the air. But the truth of it is, if she wanted to be with you, she would be. I have to ask you: If someone treats you like this, walks out on you without explanation and throws away three years like it meant nothing, why are you trying to win them back? You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you. See a therapist, work through this. Start over. Start with yourself. Reconnect to what it is that you want from your life and what you want from a partner. Time will heal, but do the work.

DEAR NATALIE: I just started dating this new guy, Steve. I really like him. We met through a mutual friend and really hit it off. The problem is, I went to a party with him the other night and his stupid, drunk friend was hitting on me. It made me really uncomfortable. He was being disgusting, saying gross things and then tried to kiss me. I didn’t tell Steve what happened, but now he wants to go out as a group again with this friend next weekend. I don’t want to go, but I don’t want to tell him why. Should I just make up an excuse and tell him I’m sick, or something? —GROSSED OUT

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Tell Steve what happened. You don’t have to lie. Ask yourself why you don’t want to tell him. Are you worried he will side with his disgusting friend? If he does, better to know the truth about Steve’s views early on than later in the relationship. I remember when I just started dating my now-husband and one of his friends called me a derogatory name. My husband dropped him like a hot potato the next day. It made me swoon that much more because I knew he had my back. You deserve to be with someone who can stand up for you and for what is right. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Reach out to your social butterfly friends for help expanding your network. Not everyone is extroverted or wants to be, but networking is a proven way to enhance your professional life. Ask your friends who “seem to know everyone” who you should connect with. Have them do an “e-introduction” and take it from there. You may be surprised as to what blossoms from just asking.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)