DEAR NATALIE: I was blindsided by my girlfriend recently. I came home from work one night last week and she had all of her bags packed. She told me that she was moving out. We live together and I thought the pandemic was bringing us closer. We had even talked about getting married next year. She said she can’t take it and misses me being her “part-time girlfriend.” What does that even mean? She doesn't want to break up, she is just going to live with her dad for a while until she “sorts it all out.” He lives about 30 minutes from us, so it’s a huge change. I thought we were happy. She just keeps saying it’s all too much. What should I do? My friends say if I stay with her, I’m just letting her walk all over me. But I love her and don’t want to break up. Maybe she just needs space? Any advice will be helpful. —BEWILDERED GIRLFRIEND

DEAR BEWILDERED GIRLFRIEND: The long term mental health impacts of Covid-19 are just starting to show as everything begins to fray at the edges for people and their relationships. I am sorry that your girlfriend is stressed out to the point where she seems to need a break from her life. The problem with her approach, however, is that you can’t go around this. We have to go through it. Avoiding you may seem like the way to destress, but eventually living with her dad is going to have the same effect. What she really needs to do is communicate to you how she is feeling instead of blindsiding you. All you can do now is decide what you want. She clearly has made her decision. It’s unfair for her to think that you want to be a “part-time girlfriend.” That seems insulting, especially since you were talking about marriage in the near future. If you love her and want to try to make this work, then go for it. If you need time to sort things out for yourself, no one would blame you. Decide what kind of partner you need and want. I understand everyone is stressed out. I understand everyone is scared and frustrated. But if this is how she acts when times get tough, how can you build a life with her in the long run? People show you who they are. I would believe her on this one. Then, it’s up to you to decide what you can live with—and what you can’t. 

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend is very close with his family. Every week, they have dinner together--yes, in person. In pre-Covid days, I thought that this was a very nice tradition. Now, not so much. Plus, the night they have dinner is the night I take dance classes. Yes, the classes are virtual since the pandemic hit.  And yes, I don’t really approve of them getting together during this time, and I’ve told him that. He thinks that I should change my extracurriculars to make room for his family night. But, I don’t think that it is fair of him to ask. I enjoy his family, but I think seeing them every week is a bit much for me, and I enjoy my dance classes. I also don’t particularly want to be around people who aren’t taking this pandemic seriously. What should I do? We got into a big fight about it yesterday. —FAMILY VS FREE TIME

DEAR FAMILY VS FREE TIME: This isn’t even as much about free time as it is about boundaries. You are allowed to say that you aren’t comfortable around his family because of their flippant attitude around the pandemic. More than 300,000 people have died in the United States in less than a year because of Covid-19. You have every right to take care of yourself and the people who live with you. If you don’t want to be around them, and it’s easier to use virtual dance classes as an excuse, that is your choice. Your boyfriend cannot fault you for needing time to yourself, doing something that brings joy during this difficult time, and for not wanting to put yourself in a situation that makes you uncomfortable. If your boyfriend wants you involved in family night, say that you would love to pick another night during the week and virtually hangout with everyone via Zoom. Their cavalier attitude around the virus is a big reason as to why our collective misery is being prolonged. Put your foot down. Acknowledge your own needs. Your boyfriend may be afraid to stand up to his family, but you certainly don’t have to cower to their irresponsible and selfish requests.

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DEAR NATALIE: I've been married 15 years to my lovely wife and we have two boys. Six months ago, my wife became very ill with Covid-19 and she is still dealing with side effects like extreme fatigue, joint pain and headaches. Because of this, she hasn’t been able to work. I have continued to work and now I am doing all of the housework and cooking, as well as taking care of our two boys. All during the day, she calls me to do things for her. Our sex life is non-existent. If I ask her about it, she gets upset and turns the table on me. She tells me how I need to leave her alone because she is too tired. She acts completely defeated. I have tried everything. If I leave her alone, then she tells me that I don't love her. Please help. I don’t know what else to do! —UNHAPPY AT HOME

DEAR UNHAPPY AT HOME: This year has been a nightmare for so many families. Some lost their loved ones to this terrible disease. Some have felt the financial fallout, uprooting their lives. And others, like your wife, have lived with the effects, turning their lives upside down in the process. I am so sorry that you are feeling the impact of Covid-19 in such a visceral way. It is never easy becoming a caretaker when you were once a lover. I applaud your strength, courage and resilience. I also understand your frustration—and even anger—at your present situation. Your wife shouldn’t have to live like this, either. Her children shouldn’t have to see her in this state of depression and sickness. If she won’t get help for your sake or for her own sake, perhaps remind her that the kids need her. Maybe this will reignite her desire to focus on her health. Seeking out medical care is important, but it sounds like she could also use mental health support, too. I would recommend that you find a therapist for yourself as you navigate these uncharted waters. And while it is amazing that you do so much for her, perhaps encouraging her to do a little more for herself on days where she seems able could help you both in the long run. When people are ill, they often become more emotionally needy and almost childlike with those closest to them. Establishing boundaries, like telling her you can’t text until breaks at work while making sure to tell her you love her each day could aid in her mental health. We know so little about Covid-19 and its long term effects on the body. Try to be patient with her and also show yourself some grace. Do not feel guilty for taking time for yourself or needing to—safely!—connect with friends while she recovers. You are allowed to care for her and you don’t have to ignore yourself in that process, either. 

DEAR NATALIE: My husband has been acting really depressed since Covid-19 hit. He never was a very social person to begin with, but he did have two good friends that he would hang out with on occasion or play video games with online. Since the pandemic hit, his friends have also been isolating themselves. My girlfriends and I have talked about our husbands, but we can’t seem to get them out of this slump. How can I help my husband—and my girlfriends’ husbands? I know part of their depression is loneliness.

—BE FRIENDS

DEAR BE FRIENDS: The ways in which men and women are socialized within the confines of the gender binary has birthed a lot of toxic behaviors. Roughly 50 million Americans over the age of 45 suffer from chronic loneliness and this pandemic has only worsened an already bad situation for so many. The surgeon general even declared it one of the nation’s “greatest pathologies,” right up there with smoking and heart disease. But loneliness is almost never talked about. I applaud you for recognizing that something is “off” with your husband and his friends. Because he may not even be aware of this, you may need to gently bring it up. Say something like: “I’ve noticed you haven’t really been talking to A and Z lately. Everything OK? Why don’t you plan a game night or something?” and just see what he says. A game night could just be virtual, too, if they all play video games online. If he balks at the idea, I would get a little firmer in your observation, expressing to him that you are worried about him. Say that even though the pandemic has hit everyone hard, you don’t want his friendships to disappear. You have to put energy into your relationships or they wither away. Stand your ground on this and encourage him to pick up the phone and text his friends. Even if they just do that, it’s a start. Then, coordinate your efforts with your girlfriends and see if working together can help bring them together. It may be a group effort, but for the sake of your husband’s mental health, it’s definitely worth the work.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: My girlfriend told me that she doesn’t want to exchange gifts this year. She lost her job due to Covid-19 and I think she is feeling really down. I really want to cheer her up and get her something really special, but I know her. I know she will be upset with me because she will feel bad that she couldn’t get me anything. How can I make it so she enjoys the holiday? —SECRET SANTA

DEAR SECRET SANTA: While I admire your intentions, buying her something after she specifically asked you not to may only make her feel worse about her financial situation. Instead, why not enjoy an activity together? If it’s safe to do so, maybe a couples’ massage? Or you could do something that is free, like baking cookies and watching a classic holiday movie together. Find what she loves and then turn it into something you can enjoy together. The quality time means more than any object ever could, and a heartfelt letter or card could be the perfect bow tying it all together. (I had to find a way to put a holiday pun in there somehow!) 

DEAR NATALIE: I recently started dating this guy and everything seemed to be going great until we got on the touchy subject of homosexuality and gay marriage. I support marriage equality. What worried me was the way he explained his position...basically by using “f--” in every other sentence and degrading the gay community. It disgusted me. He said some pretty awful things. I started yelling and he started yelling…it didn’t end well. We are supposed to have dinner this weekend. But, how can I date someone that is homophobic? I really liked this one! Ugh! Any advice? —ONE LOVE

DEAR ONE LOVE: Walk away. The idea that he would be against marriage equality in 2020 only makes me wonder what other phobias and -isms he is hiding. Using homophobic slurs so openly also makes me think that this isn’t someone who could be reasoned with easily. People can say what they want, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t consequences to actions. You are allowed to have boundaries. It just comes down to how much effort you want to put into having someone recognize that people unlike himself have a right to exist without being harassed or degraded. You can disagree about a lot of things—but when it comes to human rights, there’s no right or left—just right or wrong. Find someone who respects people and uplifts them. Not only will he make for a better partner, but you won’t be embarrassed to bring him around your friends and family, someday, either.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci