DEAR NATALIE: Is there any way to win my boyfriend back? I broke up with him at the beginning of the pandemic thinking I needed some space after four years together. I realize looking back at it now, I just needed a mental break from all of the stress related to Covid-19. I really miss him and feel like I made a huge mistake. I don’t think he is dating anyone new and we’ve been texting a little back and forth. Do you think there is a chance I could get him back? —MISTAKES MADE

DEAR MISTAKES MADE: The fact that he is still willing to text with you after you dumped him may indicate that there are still feelings there. I don’t know that for sure, of course, but usually if you are over someone you don’t engage with them after they’ve broken up with you. Then again, he could be a masochist. Let’s assume, though, that he is interested. What does that mean for you and your relationship? You have a big mountain to climb to win back his trust. But you won’t know where you stand until you talk to him. Now you just have to get up the nerve to admit that you made a mistake and want him back. You should also share with him how things will be different this time around. Apologize for the mistake of letting him go, but it was in that absence that you recognized how much he meant to you. Who knows? Maybe this time apart was something you both needed to realize your true feelings. We know what yours are. Now… you have to find out if he still feels the same.  

DEAR NATALIE: I am a newly divorced mom of two young boys. My ex-husband cheated on me over the last year and is now about to marry the woman that he had an affair with. I am devastated. I just want to be alone. But, my family and friends are pushing me to get back into the dating game, saying that if I wait too long, I won’t be able to find love again. Are they right? I honestly have no desire to date right now—especially because of Covid-19—and want to focus on getting my life back together. My children are my number one priority. I don’t even know if I ever want a relationship again. Is that wrong? Is it okay to be alone? —TABLE FOR ONE

DEAR TABLE FOR ONE: Having a romantic relationship can be a beautiful thing—if that’s what you want. In your case, you are reeling from heartbreak. It’s still very raw. You are entitled to give yourself as much space and time as you need to both process what happened and to heal from it. I know your friends and family mean well, but people have this idea in their minds that we aren’t complete without a significant other. It leads to so many people staying in unhealthy relationships or feeling depressed if they are single. We have to let go of these archaic and harmful societal pressures and build a world where people can find personal fulfillment and acceptance in a variety of ways. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to explore a deeper relationship with yourself. There is nothing wrong with wanting to prioritize your children during this difficult time. If you need more support right now, see a therapist to help navigate all of the emotions that might arise due to your husband’s infidelity. You are allowed to be alone. You are complete just as you are. You do not need a partner to be worthy of love. Please take this time to care for yourself and prioritize your mental and physical health. This pandemic is the perfect excuse not to date, anyway. When and if you feel ready to explore a potential new relationship, that is your decision. But in this moment, allow yourself space to heal, to reconnect with what matters, and to make new memories with your boys.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: My girlfriend of two years dumped me last week because I lost my job during the pandemic. She said that she is “sick of supporting me” and told me to get a job. I have been trying. It is really hard out there and unemployment hasn’t done much to help my situation. I have been applying for work everywhere that I can. I am really upset that she dumped me because we were talking about getting engaged this year. I’ve tried calling and texting her but she’s ignoring me. What should I do? I want my old life back. —EVERYTHING IS RUINED

DEAR EVERYTHING IS RUINED: I am so sorry to hear that you haven’t been able to find consistent work since losing your job. This pandemic has caused so many issues for people, including the stress of not knowing how you will make ends meet. I can’t help but wonder why you would want to get back together with someone who has treated you so harshly in this moment. Vows that include “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health…” are supposed to mean something. Why would you want to get engaged and marry a person who isn’t showing you that she can be there for you in the tough times? I would meditate on that. Maybe she is overwhelmed and emotionally fatigued by everything, too. Maybe this is a moment she needs to take and used your financial situation as an excuse to focus on herself. Take the hint. If she won’t call you to text you back, just give the situation some space. Focus on finding work, focus on getting yourself to a healthy place and then take a second look at this relationship. You may have a different perspective on it a few months from now. 

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend and I are roommates and while I love living with her, we have one big problem. Whenever I want to do anything with my boyfriend, she always wants to hang out with us. She had a bad break up this fall and she is lonely. While I love spending time with her, I also need to spend time with my boyfriend. He is very understanding of the fact that she is going through a tough time, but we also need alone time! Since the beginning of the pandemic, my roommate and I have both worked from home, too. We are around each other all day. My boyfriend lives with his parents and his mom is immunocompromised so we don’t spend a lot of time at his house. How do I fix this without hurting her feelings?

—LOVE MY CLINGY FRIEND

DEAR LOVE MY CLINGY FRIEND: You sound like classic BFFs who love each other. I think that is awesome and not something that everyone experiences. I am happy that you both have found a friend like that in one another. Because of the depth of your friendship, it is important that you set up clear and healthy boundaries for each other. It’s easy to become enmeshed when you live together and hang out all the time. Sit down with her and just tell her what you told me. You love being with her and you need to carve out time for your partner, as well. Sometimes we build things up in our heads and assume our friends will react one way, and then when they don’t, we wonder why we worked ourselves up into a frenzy about it. Just be honest with her, set boundaries, and see how it goes. She may surprisingly enjoy a little alone time for herself, too, and then everyone’s relationships will end up better for it. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: Years ago, my father and I had a big blow out fight when I came out to him as trans. My mom died when I was small and it was always just my dad and me. He was a great dad to me. I think he always knew that I was “different,” but when I told him the truth when I was 24, he basically disowned me. Five years later, he has started to call me and send me letters, begging for my forgiveness. He is sick now, and I think he realizes how wrong he was to do what he did. My wife thinks that I should make amends with him, as we are expecting our first child together. I can't help but want him back in my life, but I have no idea how to begin the healing process. I am still so deeply hurt by him.  —MAKE IT RIGHT

DEAR MAKE IT RIGHT: If you want to make amends, this is the moment to do so. Your dad’s illness is a turning point for him in recognizing his own mortality. He most likely feels remorse, shame and regret for cutting you off. Often, when grief is not expressed constructively, it becomes anger. He may have just not understood what having a child who identifies as transgender meant. He may not have been ready to accept it. It doesn't condone his behavior or how he treated you. I am so sorry he couldn’t see beyond himself and center you in this. But I do believe in second chances. If he seems genuinely sorry and truly wants to embrace fully who you are, it may be a positive thing for you both. After losing your mother, it sounds as though you and your father had a close bond. Maybe you won’t have that relationship again, but perhaps you can build something even better now that there is a different level of honesty between you. If he is willing to educate himself, act with compassion towards you and your family, accept you for who you are and love you for who you are, then it might be worth exploring. Life is short and a chance you have to mend fences with your dad is a chance worth taking. You will know right away if he is genuine or not. It starts with a phone call, a letter, or a visit. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing. Involve a therapist if you think mediation will help. Your dad has to meet you where you are, on your terms. I applaud you for being willing to forgive him and take a step towards healing while you still have time. 

DEAR NATALIE: My brother and I were always close growing up. Over the years, he has become paranoid and invests too much time into reading QAnon theories and other conspiracies. This past week really showed his true colors because he sympathized with the people who stormed our Capitol. My family is beside themselves and my sister says we have to cut him off. I don't know what to do. There is no reasoning with him. I love him and I don’t want to cut him off. What should we do? —Q RIPPING US APART

DEAR Q RIPPING US APART: While you can’t control what your family members each individually decide to do, you can control how you engage with your brother. It isn’t easy to try and pull someone from the clutches of conspiracy theories. We all know that if they are down this rabbit hole, it can feel like your friend or relative is a lost cause.  You really can’t talk someone out of this stuff. Instead, try a different approach. Offer to switch “research” with them. They have to read something you bring to them and you offer to read something that they give to you. At least this way, you can open the door for dialogue and perhaps poke a few holes, weakening their arguments. It may plant a seed. In any case, my fear is that if your family cuts off your brother, he will only isolate further. Engage with your brother and help pull him away from those discussions by setting ground rules when you are together about what you will and will not discuss.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci