DEAR NATALIE: I have reconnected with my old boyfriend from college after 20-plus years. During that time, we both married. He is divorced and has two kids that are in college now. I married and lost my husband to cancer six years ago. We had one daughter who is in high school. My college sweetheart was the “one that got away” in a lot of ways. I often wondered what happened to him and if he was happy. He found me on Facebook a few months ago and we have started to chat. He lives out of state but we have fallen right back into love it seems. My daughter is unhappy about this -- I don’t think she understands how lonely I’ve been since my husband died. I feel this new lease on life and I feel guilty because of that. Do you think it is possible to have a second chance at love with your first love? At the time, we were just kids and not ready but I think we really are in a different place now. What do you think? Is this just a pipe dream or do you think people can come back together if the timing works? -SECOND CHANCES

DEAR SECOND CHANCES: Isn’t love grand? Isn’t it seriously amazing how it can find you? You never know what is around the corner and that is what makes life so terrifying and amazing all at once. I get giddy when I receive letters like this because it reinforces the idea that love is for everyone. No matter the stage of life, no matter the circumstances, it can find you. And in this case, it seems like it has found you again. What a gift to reconnect with someone who knew you so intimately when you were this younger woman and who is wanting to get to know you in this present moment. I do think it is possible to have a second chance at love with someone you knew long ago. In fact, if you are coming back together now, it could either serve as a new chapter, or to close the first one. Either way, it is powerful and romantic. I am sorry that your daughter is having a hard time with this, but it may be worth sitting down and discussing it with her openly and honestly. Express to her that you feel lonely sometimes and that her dad wouldn’t want you to be alone forever. Share with her that no one can ever replace her father and that you aren’t trying to do that. You are just looking for someone to share experiences with and enjoy life together. She may need some words of reassurance. Remind her that as she moves along on her journey, you are always there for her, but that life is made up of chapters. This may be a new one for you and you hope she can keep an open mind and heart. This is your moment. Don’t worry it away.

DEAR NATALIE: My 10-year-old son is suffering from severe anxiety brought on by his fears around school and Covid-19. I tell my husband that he is too young to be watching the news with him, but they are glued to the computer most afternoons when they are together. My husband works from home and he is online all day long. My son is scared now to go to school and is afraid of getting sick and dying. He is seeing all these images of kids with Covid and when I try to explain to him that it is a rare thing for kids to get sick, he doesn’t believe me. What’s worse, some of his friends’ parents are anti-vaxxers and so he is afraid to hang out with his friends. He stays at home a lot and I think it’s making him depressed. He has no issue wearing a mask -- none of his friends do and they wear them too without question -- but I am really worrying about his mental health. Do you have any thoughts on how we can better support our kids right now? —FEELING HELPLESS

DEAR FEELING HELPLESS: I can’t even imagine how scary the world would seem right now to a 10-year-old. This is an age where they start to become very concerned about rules and societal order. To see the world unfolding the way that it is -- and to feel that adults are not protecting them -- would be anxiety-inducing. While I agree with you that he shouldn’t be watching so much news in order to help reduce his anxiety, we all know that kids are going to find out information one way or another. Instead, it might be worth sitting him down and have him write out his top five questions about the pandemic. Then, you can work on answering them together. This may help him to feel empowered and teach him how to research. If you sit with him, you can guide him along, using reputable and age-appropriate materials. If he is comfortable being outside with his friends while wearing masks, that may be another good compromise because children need to socialize. You are right. He may be depressed because he isn’t interacting with his friends and also because he feels the weight of the world on his shoulders. There are also activities that you could do that help others -- like volunteering at a community garden or fostering a pet to help ground him. Speaking of grounding, you can do fun activities to reduce anxiety like cooking, stretching and taking nature walks. Finding ways to connect in tangible ways and keeping him off line as much as possible can help reduce his fears overall. Watching a funny show or movie before bed or reading a good book together may help, as well. Hugs are the best, too.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: I’m afraid I’m becoming bitter towards relationships. I’ve been single for a while now and having a much harder time dating in my early 40s than I did in my 20s or 30s. I was married and divorced before I was 30 and have been dating ever since. But dating is rough. It feels like there is more pressure and more at stake now that I’m older. I don’t want to live alone, but I also have a hard time letting people in. After a string of bad breakups, I find myself feeling angry about my lack of a love life. My divorced really was horrible. My friends keep trying to set me up but I’m burned out. Any advice on how to get out of this mental rut around dating? -BITTER BETTY

DEAR BITTER BETTY: Maybe just take a step back and a deep breath. It sounds as though you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself and I can’t honestly tell if this is even what you want from the letter you wrote. Perhaps part of the reason you are irritated with relationships is because you are irritated by the unneeded stress and the energy it is sucking out of you. Instead, why not date yourself for a while. Get comfortable with being alone and find out what it is you really want from your life. Can you commit to six months of just enjoying your own company? I’m not saying to turn away from romance should it find you, but sometimes letting go of expectations and redirecting your energy is what needs to happen for things to shift. Make space for some joy in your life. You also may not have given yourself time to heal after your divorce and then having some bad breakups afterwards solidified your negative feelings about relationships. Reset. See what happens when you enjoy solitude, time with your friends and family, instead. You may be surprised how differently you feel this time next year. 

DEAR NATALIE: I was dating someone for about two months and decided to break things off with her. I am really uncomfortable with confrontation, so I sent her a text. She was so angry about this and left me a voicemail calling me a coward. She has proceeded to tell all of our friends (we have a lot of friends in common) what I did. A lot of them are annoyed with me now. Should I call her and apologize? I don't want to get back together but now I’m worried that she’s turning everyone against me. —BAD BREAKER UPPER

DEAR BAD BREAKER UPPER: After two months of being together, I definitely think she deserved more than a text message. I can understand her frustration and why she would be angry with you. Considering you roll in the same circles, it seems like you should have been prepared for the backlash from your friends. To smooth things over, ask to meet her in person and tell her that you are sorry for breaking up with her that way. Explain to her what you just said to me: You are uncomfortable with breakups and felt very awkward. While this doesn’t make up for how you treated her, maybe understanding why you acted the way that you did will remove any anxiety she had about her role in this. Moving forward, view this as a life lesson. Treat others how you want to be treated, even during a breakup. Give people respect and perhaps everyone won’t turn against you next time.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: My best friend has been in a bad relationship for years now and no one understands why she stays in it. He treats her poorly, is rude to her in front of her friends and can be very controlling. She shies away from spending time with us since she is with him because I think she is embarrassed. I don’t know what I can do to help her. She seems so down ever since she started dating him. She has so much going for her, no one is really sure why she is putting herself in this situation. Any ideas as to why good people stay in bad relationships? -SNAP OUT OF IT

DEAR SNAP OUT OF IT: I wish I had a solid answer for you, but there are a lot of reasons people stay in less-than-healthy relationships. She could be working through something that impacted her in her past. She may have insecurities about relationships and herself. Perhaps she’s modeling her parents’ relationship or those close to her. Maybe there is a sense of security in being with him -- even if he is mean to her — because she is afraid of being alone more. She may think she “can’t” make it on her own. People sometimes find comfort in dysfunction and chaos if that is what they are used to. This can be a challenging cycle to break. Maybe she thinks she can “fix” him and wants to be the savior in the relationship. Whatever the reason is, just try to keep the door open to her. Invite her for coffee, just the two of you. Go take a walk together. Do something that is low-key and won’t put pressure on her. She may feel relaxed and open up. If she does bring up the fact that she is unhappy or unsure of the relationship, use that to get your foot in the door and discuss her fears and dreams for the future. Who knows? She may start to see the situation for what it is. If not, don’t take it to heart. Relationships are complicated and you can’t possibly know what is going on inside her head. Just being there for her as a friend — not a mother or a therapist — is the best thing that you can do. 

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend and I both (coincidentally!) got engaged about two weeks apart and she hasn't once congratulated me on my ring. In fact, one of our friends said she was making fun of my "small" ring and how hers was so much better. I was so upset, I cried over this. She and I have been friends for 15 years and she knows how this was such an important moment for me. I sent her flowers when she became engaged. I don't know if I should confront her about this or if I should wait for her to reach out to me. I have no idea what is making her act like this, but it is devastating to me. How can I ask her to be my maid of honor with her treating me so badly? Any advice on how to deal? —BADLY HURT BFF

DEAR BADLY HURT BFF: I am so sorry that this person who you considered your best friend is treating you like this. She should be showering you with love and sharing in your joy! It’s hard to imagine that this woman is your best friend and acts this way. She may be harboring some resentment towards you and you just need to clear the air. Sometimes people bottle their feelings and don’t actually share what’s on their mind or heart.  I would call her. Tell her what you heard. Ask her if it’s true. Give her a chance to explain herself. What she said behind your back isn’t just hurtful, but it is petty and rude, too. Maybe this person isn’t who you thought she was. Maybe she’s covering up some of her own insecurities by projecting her garbage onto you. But you have every right to tell her how you feel and ask for an apology if she needs to give one. If not, how can you move forward and enjoy these special times together? It isn’t fair to you or your friendship. Hear her out, but also remember this. Now that you’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it. So perhaps protect yourself a bit and put a little emotional distance between you. It may be safer and healthier that way.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci