DEAR NATALIE: I had an affair with my now-husband five years ago. We were both married to other people at the time and we fell in love when he was separated from his wife. I was not separated from my husband. After our respective divorces, we decided to get together. My family was horrified. They have not been accepting of him. We’ve been married for two years now and my parents still won’t speak to him and hardly speak to me. It’s awkward, of course, but now worse because I just found out that I am pregnant with our first child. I wish my parents could see how much happier I am in this marriage than I ever was with my ex-husband. Is there any way I can smooth things over and make them see what a good person he is? They said that “they don’t trust him” and that “he lured me in.” At what point do I give up on my family? I want them to be a part of our child’s life, but this silent treatment has broken me inside. Any ideas on how to bring us together? -MISSING MY FAMILY

DEAR MISSING MY FAMILY: I am so sorry to hear that your family hasn’t been able to move beyond what happened years ago. For some parents, they think that their children are extensions of themselves instead of independent people living their own journeys. From what you are sharing with me, I feel as though your parents are still disappointed that you didn’t live up to their expectations for your life and may even feel as though they “failed” as parents. Because of that egocentric approach, they could be centering themselves and are embarrassed by what happened. But what’s done is done. You and your husband made your choice. You are happy and expanding your family. Your parents can either engage with you and their grandchild -- who is innocent in all of this -- or they will miss out on sharing life together. I would write them a letter if you don’t think they will pick up the phone. Share with them what is on your heart. Put pen to paper. Tell them your happy news and express that you miss them. We can’t go back, but we can start again. I also hope that you have sought therapy for everything that you have gone through. Having your parents cut you out of their lives was most likely painful and could have influenced how you felt about yourself. I hope you are working on yourself and moving towards a future filled with joy and forgiveness -- for everyone. 

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend and I are throwing a joint birthday party for ourselves in November. We are both turning 40 and wanted to do something splashy together. The problem is, she keeps making plans with the event planner without me. So far, she has picked the color scheme, the venue and the cake flavors. I feel completely left out even though I am footing half this bill. I have tried to talk to the planner about my ideas and contributions, but my BFF just walks all over her. I love her, but she is a nightmare to party plan with. I also wanted to make this event “covid proof” and limit the guest list to just our close friends and family but the list of people she’s inviting -- and the budget -- keeps growing. How do I rein her in without ruining our relationship? I have never seen this side of her and we’ve known each other for years. Any suggestions?  —TOO OLD FOR THIS

DEAR TOO OLD FOR THIS: I re-read the letter and wasn’t sure if this was a party for 40-year-old women or 16-year-old girls considering how your friend is behaving. This is some bratty birthday behavior. If I were you, I would sit her down and lay it out. This is a joint event, you are sharing this special day, and she needs to start respecting the fact that your opinions matter. Let your event planner know that unless both of you sign off on items for the party, you aren’t helping foot the bill. Then sit your friend down and share that with her. She may not realize that you feel left out. Sometimes, people just get caught up in the excitement of the moment and after 16 months (and counting!) of this pandemic, people are antsy and acting impulsively. Give her the opportunity to apologize and move on. If she still continues to act like a diva, pull the plug on this joint party and have your own another night. A birthday is not a reason to end a years-long friendship. You’ll just know not to plan a party with her ever again.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: I let my sister move in with me during Covid so that she could get back on her feet. She had lost her job and things were challenging financially. But for the past four months, she has been working full-time and seems to be doing fine. I feel bad asking her to leave, but my husband and I would like to have our space back. It was only supposed to be temporary, but she is already talking about staying through the end of the year. How can I gently ask her to go without causing a rift? I love her, however this has to end at some point. -TIME TO GO

DEAR TIME TO GO: Family dynamics can be tricky in any situation, let alone when you pile on a pandemic and a job loss. While I feel for your sister, wearing out one’s welcome is never a good look. Now that she has a job, it may be a good time to sit down and just ask her about that timeline she proposed. Maybe you can bump it up a month or two, bringing it closer to mid or early November? Offer to help her look for an apartment or house for rent if she is open to it. These things can be overwhelming and can feel paralyzing. She may just feel so safe, loved and comfortable with you that she is afraid to leap. Approach her with love and respect. Share that you want her to move forward while knowing that she has a safe place to land should she need it. With that approach, it may feel less like you are throwing her out and more like you are propelling her forward into a new adventure.  

DEAR NATALIE: I’ve recently reconnected with an old flame that I dated about thirty years ago. My intentions are purely platonic, but she seems to think that there is a chance we may get back together. I have explained to her that since losing my wife five years ago, I don’t want to be with anyone again. She was the love of my life, but nothing seems to deter this woman from wanting to see me. Do you think it’s a bad idea if we get together and catch up? I don’t want to lead her on but I also wouldn’t mind seeing an old friend. What do you think? My son says that I am allowed to have friends, but not if they have feelings that aren’t reciprocated. Thoughts? —PURELY PLATONIC

DEAR PURELY PLATONIC: If you have any curiosity at all, why not meet up with her? Do you think maybe you are afraid of what you might feel? If you do have even the tiniest desire to date again, it doesn’t mean that you love your wife any less or that your memories are any less valuable. You are allowed to seek companionship, friendship -- and yes -- even romance. If you aren’t ready for that, continue to be honest with your old flame and let her know. Go ahead and set up a coffee date or a lunch. Those are usually a little less romantically charged than dinner or drinks. And who knows what is around the corner for any of us? Keep an open mind and heart. You may not end up dating, but perhaps a real friendship can blossom.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: I slept with this guy on the first date. Not my proudest moment; I got pretty drunk at the bar when we went out the other night and stumbled back to my place. You know the rest. Anyway, he didn’t call me afterwards and my friend said it was because I was acting “too easy” and “now he won’t see me as girlfriend material.” I’m not sure I even want to be his girlfriend, but I would like to see him again. What should I do? If I call or text him first, do I look desperate? It’s been a few days and no word from him. Should I just let it go? -GIVING IT AWAY

DEAR GIVING IT AWAY: There are no rules when it comes to when and if and how you share your sexuality with someone. The only thing you have to keep in mind is that your expectations after the fact may not be in line with your partner’s. In this case, it seems as though you were hoping for a follow up action from him, and he hasn’t given that to you. So, now you have two options. Either reach out to him or don’t. But regardless of what you decide, please don’t let your friend’s ridiculous comments get in your head. I would be mindful of getting drunk around men you don’t know because they may try to harm you or push you into things you weren’t consenting to do. Regardless, if he is the kind of guy thinks you were “easy” why would you want to entertain seeing him again? Doesn’t that make him “easy,” too? Why are we giving him the power here? Anyone who tries to use your sexuality as a weapon against you doesn’t deserve another minute of your time. Reach out to him if and only if you want to because it’s your choice. Not because you feel as though you have to prove something. 

DEAR NATALIE: As we all know, the pandemic has made everyone’s finances feel rather unstable. Recently, my husband was laid off because his office downsized due to Covid-19. On the other hand, my business is booming. He has become moody lately and not interested in having much sex with me. I keep telling myself he’s just depressed about losing his job, but every now and then he will make a snide comment about what I do for a living. I’m not sure how to handle him right now. I love him, of course, but he is being really difficult. Any advice on how to help him through this rough patch? —PUNISHED FOR SUCCESS

DEAR PUNISHED FOR SUCCESS:The pandemic has taken a toll on so many lives in so many ways, but for some people, the past 16 months have been good financially. Why should you shrink your successes down just because your husband is feeling inadequate? I’m certainly not suggesting that you rub anything in his face, but if he is lashing out at you for what is going on with him professionally, that is unfair to you and to your relationship. Being married -- or in a committed partnership -- means building each other up and also supporting each other through the tough times. He is clearly going through it right now and I’m sure having you by his side means a lot whether he can admit that or not. But, if he continues to berate and belittle you, please let him know that it is hurtful. You don’t deserve to be emotionally abused just because he is having a tough time. Support him as best you can, but also protect your space from his negativity. You deserve to shine.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci