DEAR NATALIE: My roommate and I are really close. We share a lot of our clothes and accessories. We love being together and have become great friends over the past three years. But she did something that crossed the line and I’m not sure how to handle it. I came home the other day and found my vibrator in the dishwasher. I was mortified — to say the least — and then when I asked her how it found its way into a machine where we clean the dishes, she shrugged and said she couldn’t find hers so she used mine. She was annoyed that I was annoyed. I was like, “You realize this is really gross, right?” She told me to “stop shaming her.” I explained that I don’t care if she has a vibrator, but she shouldn’t use mine. It’s not sanitary and that is really too intimate. That was a week ago and we have hardly spoken. Things are tense in our house and I’m not sure how to smooth this over. I love her and don’t want this to wreck our friendship, but don’t you think she crossed a line? What do I do to get our friendship back on track? -BAD VIBRATIONS

DEAR BAD VIBRATIONS: Oh she didn’t just cross the line — she jumped right over it. You handled it better than a lot of people would have. While it is great to be close and to share clothes and accessories, it is a whole other thing to use someone else’s vibrator without their knowledge. Explain to her that you care about this friendship and you didn’t intend to embarrass her but that she caught you completely off guard. Moving forward, your bedroom is off limits unless you invite her in. The same goes for her personal space. We learn as little kids that we shouldn’t take things without asking. This sentiment should hold true as we get older. Some people have a hard time with boundaries, but setting them both protects you and her as well as your relationship. There is nothing wrong with defining personal spaces. Approach her in the spirit of love. And if you have to lock the top drawer of your nightstand to be safe — do what you gotta do. 

DEAR NATALIE: Every time I go out to dinner with my friend, she always “forgets” her wallet. Then she tells me that she will Venmo me the money, and she never does. I feel awkward asking, but it is getting ridiculous. She doesn't even seem to care that me or our friends float her. I don’t know what her problem is, she has a good job and definitely makes more money than me. So how do I deal with this moving forward? —MONEY PROBLEMS

DEAR MONEY PROBLEMS: The next time she does this — and from the email you sent me it seems like this is a pattern of behavior — ask her to Venmo you right in front of you. If she can’t do that, explain to her that you don’t have much in your checking and can’t possibly cover for her this time. She’ll get the hint. It’s one thing to forget your wallet once. It’s another thing to take advantage of the kindness of your friends and just “forget” to pay them back. In fact, if she asks you to cover her, tell her that you would but you are still waiting on the other money that she owes you. Could she just Venmo it all at once? That might throw her for a loop, but sometimes you need to put people in their place. It isn’t cool to use your friends, and it isn’t OK for you to be her doormat. Put your foot down. And if that means you don’t do dinner as often, so be it.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

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Check out her new web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.

DEAR NATALIE: My husband’s best friend’s wife has been cheating on him for months. My husband has told me to stay out of it. We found out through friends what was going on, but his best friend has no idea what his wife is doing. I know they’ve been unhappy for a while, and I care about both of them. Well, last night, Jack (my husband’s best friend) reached out to me about it. He called me and just asked me what I knew. I didn’t know what to say. He said, “People are talking and I’ve asked Susan (his wife). She denied it. Do you think she’s telling the truth?” He is clearly heartbroken, so I told him that I would talk to her and see if I could find anything out. Well, my husband flipped out and said there was no good ending to this mess. I should stay out of it. If Jack wants to discuss this with his wife, that’s on him. While I understand my husband’s perspective, I want to help. What do you think I should do? -CONFLICTED WIFE

DEAR CONFLICTED WIFE: I agree with your husband on this one. I don’t see any situation where the end result is positive with you meddling in the middle. I would call Jack back and tell him that after thinking things through, you really think he should discuss this with his wife. If she is lying to him about being faithful, eventually it will come out. If she tells him the truth about what she has been doing, then they have a choice to make: Do they want to stay and work on their marriage or is it beyond repair? Only they can decide this. I don’t know why she is cheating or what her motivation may be. She may not want to leave her husband. He may not want a divorce. They may stay together. Whatever you do, do not bad mouth either of them to each other. If they do stay together, then it could end up impacting your husband’s friendship with Jack and your friendship with them both. Stay out of it. It may seem like you are helping, but in the end, it may just make things even messier. 

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend has been talking about wanting a baby for as long as I can remember. She even froze her eggs when she turned 30. Well, at 34, she is still single and has a good career. She told me recently that she is thinking of just going ahead with her plan — without a partner. I was shocked. I don’t think it makes any sense to do this on her own. Having four kids of my own, I don’t think she realizes what a change to her life this will be. I tried to talk her out of it. I told her to wait a little longer. Maybe she will meet someone? But, she became defensive and told me that I needed to be more supportive. That was two weeks ago. We haven’t really spoken. I don’t know what to say. I would like to mend this but I am also shocked that she would want to do something so drastic. Any advice? —SINGLE FRIEND, COMPLEX CHOICES

DEAR SINGLE FRIEND, COMPLEX CHOICES: This isn’t your decision to make. What she needs is a friend. She doesn’t need a therapist or a mother. She told you this because she probably looks to you as a source of understanding since you have a large family of your own. If this is something that she really wants to do — and she will do it with or without your support — wouldn’t it be better to be there for her? Families come in all forms. If she feels confident in her ability to raise a child on her own, and has the financial capability to handle it, why shouldn’t she? It may not be what you think is the best trajectory, but it is her life. I think having a friend who has children could be very helpful for her as she navigates these waters. Call her right now and just tell her you were taken aback by the conversation and needed time to process it. Now that you have, you want her to know that you plan on being there to support her. It may not be traditional, but that doesn’t mean she can’t provide a loving, nurturing home for a child. With people like you in her life that care about her, she has a better chance of succeeding, too.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her new web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.

DEAR NATALIE: I had a very awkward encounter with friends of ours last weekend at a dinner party. Everyone drank a little too much and my friend -- let’s call her Jane -- pulled me aside to tell me that my husband was hot. I laughed. I was like, “I know.” She then asked, “Would you ever share him? You can have mine for the night.” I thought she was making a drunken dumb statement, so I just shook my head. Later, her husband “Jim” cornered me in a room and said, “Jane told me what she said to you.” I thought he was going to apologize. Instead, he said, “We think you should consider it. It would be fun.” I was really uncomfortable and told him, “No thank you.” The next day, we were supposed to meet up for brunch, but I canceled. My husband doesn’t even know what they said to me. Jane has been texting me non-stop about it. She thinks I’m taking everything too seriously and that I should “lighten up.” I feel really sick to my stomach and don’t know what to do because my husband and Jim work together and we see them all the time at work functions. I always enjoyed their company, but now I am super uncomfortable. Is there a way to move beyond this without getting my husband involved? -NO SWINGING FOR ME

DEAR NO SWINGING FOR ME: I can’t even begin to think about how awkward you must feel. I also want to know why you won’t tell your husband? Are you afraid he would want to do it? Are you afraid he will get mad at you? At them? You didn’t do anything wrong here. You were not only cornered by his drunken wife, but also by her husband. You are allowed to feel upset.  It was really forward of them to ask you this, and when you said no, it was obnoxious that they tried to push the issue. I would limit your time with them moving forward, at least until you get some kind of an apology. This apology may not happen unless your husband knows what is going on so that he can help to remedy this since he works with Jim. It isn’t fair that you are out there all alone to deal with this. The fact that Jane has been texting you and telling you to “lighten up” is offensive. She should have instead apologized. It’s not your mess to clean up. Tell your husband and make him deal with his colleague so that you can all just move on.

DEAR NATALIE: We have new neighbors and they are awful. They recently moved in next door and all they do is blast music, sit out in the yard and smoke weed and leave beer cans all over their lawn. My kids are small and I usually let them run around because we live on a cul-de-sac with other families. This year has been so hard on them, so letting them blow off steam outside is a great reprieve for all of us. The other day, my son (who is six) picked up a mostly-smoked joint from their lawn and brought it to me. I was so furious. They laughed when I told them. I don’t think it is so much to ask to have a clean yard and neighbors who understand that kids get into everything. Is there anything I can do to get through to them? —FRUSTRATED MOTHER

DEAR FRUSTRATED MOTHER: Having new neighbors can be challenging, especially when they aren’t exactly “kid-friendly.” I would approach this in two ways. First, I would tell your children that they shouldn’t play in your neighbor’s yard. They may be used to having the run of the neighborhood -- which is so awesome! -- with like-minded families and other kids to play with, but now things are different. Let them know that they aren’t allowed there. Make it very clear. Then, let your neighbors know that after your child brought home a joint, you have made it clear to them that their yard is off-limits. They may think it is funny, but your children’s safety is your number one priority. Try to just stay cordial, but you don’t have to be friends with them. Hopefully, in time, your kids will get used to bypassing their house when they play outside. If the issues persist, ask your other neighbors if they are also having similar complaints. You may need to come together as a community to keep your kids safe while also keeping your sanity intact. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her new web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.