DEAR NATALIE: My sister is going through a horrible divorce and is having major money issues because of it. My husband and I have a big house with an in-law suite. We told her she is welcome to live with us while she works through everything financially. I expected she would be here for a year. Well, it’s been about two months and I have this suspicion that she is trying to sleep with my husband. Actually, not so much a suspicion as he told me she basically threw herself at him the other night when I went to bed and they were hanging out. I know he would never cheat on me, but I am infuriated with her. I want to kick her out. My husband said she’s a mess and was drunk when she hit on him. He feels bad for her. Well, I don’t. Drunk or not, she knew what she was doing. What do you think I should do? – BOOZE NO EXCUSE

DEAR BOOZE NO EXCUSE: Sis has got to go. I would not want anyone in my house that was disrespecting me or my marriage. You have to confront her about this and make it very clear that this behavior is not only unacceptable, but incredibly hurtful. How could she try and break up your marriage when hers is falling apart? What did she think would happen in this situation? Even if she apologizes, she can’t be trusted. You opened your home to her and this is how she repaid you? She can live with someone else – at least for a while. Take a break from this nonsense. You don’t have to put everything on the line for someone who cares so little for all that you’ve built. Once someone shows you who they are, it’s almost impossible to unsee it. Family or not, she has no right to treat you this way and needs to go.

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend and I are both turning forty this year and she hasn’t been feeling very well for a long time. We thought she had Long COVID symptoms and she’s been visiting a lot of doctors trying to get to the heart of the matter. Well, one doctor she saw has diagnosed her with a terminal illness and claims she doesn’t have much time. She is beyond devastated and so is her husband. She married just a few years ago and has a beautiful baby girl. She asked me the other day if she dies sooner than later if I would make sure her daughter “doesn’t forget her.” I lost it. I was so upset and we both just sat and cried for hours. I don’t know how to help her. She keeps saying she doesn’t want people pitying her. She doesn’t want to “feel” sick. I have no idea how to support her. I love her husband, too. He’s so wonderful and I’m heartbroken for him, as well. Any ideas on how to be there without making her feel worse than she does? – BROKEN HEARTED 

DEAR BROKEN HEARTED: My heart goes out to you and your friend’s family at this incredibly challenging time. My mom was a nurse for many years and she never liked it when doctors would quantify a patient’s life because she said she “saw miracles every day.” So while we don’t want to live in denial, remember that people defy the odds all the time and there is power in positive thinking. When you are around her, be that for her. Be that joy, that love, that enthusiasm for living. It doesn’t mean you have to force activities on her. It just means make the moments count together. If she can walk, go for a little walk around the block. Take her to a park or green space with the baby so she can play in the grass while you sit and watch her together. Cook her favorite meal or order in while you watch your favorite show or movie together. Ask her if she wants to record anything special for her daughter to watch in the very far future. Talk to her about her fears and her life. Let her just be with you in silence. And don’t be afraid to cry. To laugh. To just be present together. The reality is none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. When you are faced with your own mortality, everything becomes heightened. Embrace that space. Acknowledge the fear but move through it to the other side, where there is nothing but the moment. And be there with her. 

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DEAR NATALIE: I recently learned that my fiancé’s previous marriage was very happy, and they only got divorced because their teenage daughter suggested it. She apparently wanted to experience a broken home, and thought it could help all three of them to grow. I have talked individually with my fiancé, his ex-wife, and their daughter, and all three say the same thing: the marriage was wonderful, and the daughter suggested divorce as a way to help them grow and learn. This daughter has always been wonderful to me, and is supposed to be a bridesmaid in our wedding. Now I’m wondering whether I should step aside and let my fiancé and his ex possibly reunite. His ex told me that she’s happy being single, but I have to wonder. The other obvious question is, if we get married, what happens if my stepdaughter then decides we should get divorced, like she did with her parents. Would I be crazy to go ahead and marry him? I know this sounds crazy, but I actually find it encouraging that his previous marriage was so good, and I kind of admire them for taking such a drastic step just for the experience and growth. –IS GROWTH ALWAYS GOOD

DEAR IS GROWTH ALWAYS GOOD: I had to read your email a few times because I was incredibly confused. Why on earth would two adults allow their teenage daughter to dictate whether or not they stay together? I find this scenario utterly bizarre and confusing. Happy couples do not divorce. They don’t decide to go through all of that stress, pain and financial upheaval just to see if it could be a good “growing” experience. Children should not be trying to experience hardship vicariously through their parents – and this shouldn’t be indulged by the parents, either. This feels like a big mess. And like you were saying, if your fiancé is so easily manipulated by his daughter, who’s to say she won’t recommend he dump you a few years from now just to “see how it helps them grow?”  If you also are wondering about his ex and how happy she is being single, I would sit with that feeling. It sounds as though they could still have feelings for one another. Either you clear the air with all of them and get to the bottom of this weirdness or you walk away. I wouldn’t want to feel as though people were meddling in my marriage or still pining for my husband. Get this mess sorted before you say “I do” because this situation has  “Just don’t” written all over it.

DEAR NATALIE: My dad and I haven’t spoken in nearly 20 years. He is an alcoholic who has made some terrible decisions in his life. We have had an awful relationship for so long because he was incredibly abusive to my mother and I would often step in between to protect her. You can imagine how that turned out for a kid. Since leaving home at 18, I haven’t looked back. I’m 37 now and happily married with two kids of my own who I adore. They have never met their grandfather.  He called me recently wanting to “reconnect.” I was skeptical. My wife told me I should just give it a chance. Well, I should have let it go to voicemail. He is dying. He needs a liver transplant and asked me if I would be open to exploring that option with him. Meaning, if I qualified to give him part of my liver, would I? I was totally taken aback. Here’s a man who abused me and mom, who abandoned us, who never even sent a Christmas card… and now he wants my liver? My wife, who grew up in a loving household and doesn’t have the faintest idea of how this feels, said that she “feels sorry for him. Maybe I should consider it.” She even invited him over for dinner this week. She thinks at the very least I should try to make amends. Make amends for what? I didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t even know if he is sober. I don’t even know if I want my kids around him. I am angry. I am anxious. My mom died five years ago and I can’t even imagine what she would say if I offered to do this for him. I do feel a slight twinge of guilt, too. He was sad and pathetic on the phone. Sounded full of regret and remorse. Should I hear him out? I’m incredibly conflicted. Any thoughts on this?

–SAD ABOUT DAD 

DEAR SAD ABOUT DAD: Wanting to find some sense of closure through a family dinner  is not a bad thing, but I don’t know if I would be jumping at the chance to give this abuser a part of my liver so easily. He should sound remorseful and sad. Facing death has made him take stock of his life and he most likely doesn’t like what he sees. You don’t owe him anything – least of all your body. If you want to give him the opportunity to apologize, then do that. But to go under the knife for him when you have your own wife and children to worry about doesn’t sit right with me. He made his bed. Relationships and trust take time to build. His decision to reach out only when he needed something says all that you need to know. I would keep my guard up. He is pitiful, yes, but he’s not yours to fix.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: I met a great guy recently and after a few fantastic dates, we went back to my place and had sex. It was awful. It was like he had never been with anyone before. Afterwards, I mumbled something about having to get up early and kicked him out. I haven’t seen him since. It’s been a week and he’s blowing up my phone. He said he had a terrific time and wants to see me again soon. I cannot date someone who is terrible in bed. I want to ghost him but I’m 31 and my friends tell me I’m too old for that. But shouldn’t he be too old to be bad in bed? (He’s 36.) I’m also incredibly disappointed because he was good on paper in every other respect. Am I throwing him away? Can you work on this? What do I do? – GOOD ON PAPER, BAD IN BED

DEAR GOOD ON PAPER, BAD IN BED: This is clearly an important issue for you. Some people don’t care as much about sex, so this might not be a dealbreaker for them. In your case, it sounds as though this was a whole other level of awful. What made it awful? Meaning, is this something that can be “worked on” or was it about a lack of sexual chemistry? People can improve their “skill set” but it’s very hard to create energy that isn’t there. If this is just about skills – and if you think it’s worth salvaging – then you are going to have to be real with him. If you don’t think this budding relationship is worth saving, then cut your losses. And while your friends are right that maybe you are too old to ghost someone, do what feels best for you. I always say that communicating our needs is the best path forward, but you have to decide whether or not you want to put that energy into this situation. And if you do talk about it… what is the plan? How are you going to tell him? What will you say? You may have felt the need to fake other things… but keep this conversation real. For both of your sakes.

DEAR NATALIE: I accidentally slept with my friend’s dad. I didn’t know it was her dad, obviously, and apparently he is newly divorced from her mom – which I also didn’t know. I’ve only been friends with her for about a year but we formed a really fast bond. I met her dad at a charity event a few weeks ago and we went home together. It was a great time but I didn’t want any strings and neither did he. But we ended up sleeping together a few more times and I think he caught feelings. He was telling his daughter (my friend) that he met someone. Well, she told me how excited she was for him and now I’m totally at a loss because I don’t want to out myself and I don’t think he knows that I’m friends with his daughter. Basically, I’m in the middle of a mess. Is there an easy way out of this? I would keep seeing him, but I don’t want to wreck my friendship. – MESSY

DEAR MESSY: You might have to either move and change your name or – more realistically – just be honest with both of them. Start with your friend, first. “Funny story…” might feel cliche but it also might be best to bring some humor into this hot mess. You didn’t know this was her dad. It just happened. Everyone is a consenting adult here. There’s nothing you can do to “undo” this, so just ask her how she feels about it. If she laughs and can get past this initial awkwardness – amazing! You can then share with her dad the situation and that she’s handling it well. If, however, she flips out – give it some space. Wait until she cools down and then talk to him about it. Either way, you are allowed to do what you want. You didn’t hurt anyone. You didn’t do anything on purpose. People meet. They fall for each other. They even fall in love, sometimes. Who knows where this could go? If this was just a fling for you, end it to avoid further awkwardness. But, if it means something more, see what he says. Approach it delicately, but recognize that you are allowed to have a good time!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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@NatalieBencivenga