DEAR NATALIE: My wife is completely overworked. I keep telling her that we should hire a cleaning service or a meal delivery service, but she “insists” on doing everything. She works full time in academia and sits on several boards. We have three sons and they are constantly asking her to drive them places, take them to classes and events. I am self-employed and work from home most days. I keep telling her to take time for herself, but she just says, “How?” Whenever I offer to help, she flips out about how I do things (load the dishwasher, run the laundry, etc.) and so I just think it’s easier if I don’t help. I’m not sure what else to do, but it’s clearly impacting our marriage and her health. Any tips? – SHE NEEDS HELP

DEAR SHE NEEDS HELP:“Help” seems to be the key word here. When a man says he will “help” his wife around the home, it implies the following:

1. Domestic responsibilities are primarily hers and that reinforces outdated gender stereotypes that these are inherently her duties, rather than a shared responsibility in a partnership.

2. It minimizes the labor that she is doing in the home and overlooks it as a valuable part of keeping the household running. 

3. It undermines an equal partnership, implying that you are doing her some kind of “favor” by helping her instead of seeing it as a normal part of being an equal in a relationship. 

If you want a happy wife and a happy life, I suggest you stop helping and start taking initiative. Instead of asking her what she needs done, look around the house and do it. You can start dinner. You can get the kids from soccer practice. You can change the sheets and clean the bathroom. You can start a chore sheet for your sons so they don’t grow up thinking that the woman in their life is also their personal maid, chauffeur and chef. Step up. She may be resistant at first because change is hard, but don’t let that stop you from showing her that you value what she does and who she is – as an equal partner in life, work, and at home. 

DEAR NATALIE: I love my brother but he has a bad drinking problem. At our last family visit, he was holding my one-year-old daughter and tripped. I didn’t realize he had shown up to my house drunk and he fell with her in his arms. She was fine, thank goodness, but now I don’t want him near her. My sister’s birthday is next weekend and I told her that if he is invited, then we aren’t coming. She was shocked that I would take such a firm stand, but he crossed a line by putting my daughter – his niece – in harm’s way. I love my brother. He is a wonderful person. But I feel that if I don’t create some kind of a “bottom” or at the very least a boundary, then nothing will change. Ever since his wife left him last year, he’s gotten much worse. At first, I blamed her. And now, I realize why she left. What do we do to help him? – VERY SCARED

DEAR VERY SCARED: You are allowed to both love your brother and also set a healthy boundary with him in order to keep your family safe. It is a terrible thing to watch a loved ones struggling with addiction, and unfortunately, they usually can’t get on a road to recovery until they are ready. Your sister’s dynamic with him may be different than your own, but your fears and frustrations are valid. If you don’t go to the event and your brother does go, he can ask as to why you weren’t there. He may not like the reason, but guess what? You don’t like him tripping and falling while holding your baby, either. Stand your ground. I hope in time he seeks treatment so that he can be a part of your life, and your daughter’s, too.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her new newsletter on Substack:

Facts Over Fear

DEAR NATALIE: My daughter and my husband are not speaking right now. She was offered a full ride at a prestigious university and has instead decided to “pursue music.” She wants to move out of state and see if she can “make it” in the industry. My husband and I have always supported her musical talents. She is a gifted songwriter and guitarist. She also sings beautifully. But the idea of throwing away an education at a top university makes no sense to either of us. We are refusing to support her financially if she does this and so she isn’t speaking to my husband at this point and barely speaking to me. How do we convince her that she can get a degree and continue to pursue music in her free time? This opportunity won’t come around again and I’m afraid she’s too young to see that. Any advice? – OUT OF TUNE

DEAR OUT OF TUNE: As someone who grew up in a household where education was valued and prioritized, I can understand your concerns and frustrations with your daughter wanting to throw away a free ride to college – especially knowing how expensive it is in this country to attend a university. It’s great that she feels so passionately about her music. And while I agree with you that these opportunities may not come around again, she has to make her own choices. You are allowed to set financial boundaries with her, as well. This may be enough to deter her from giving up on a full ride to college completely once she sits with the fact that you both aren’t budging. She could major in music if she wanted. She’d gain valuable insights into her craft and strengthen her resolve to commit to her work. Look at award-winning musician John Legend, for example. He attended the University of Pennsylvania and went on to have a huge career in music. These two things do not have to be mutually exclusive. Hopefully, she will come around to understand that. And if she doesn't’? Wish her the very best and all the success in the world…but you don’t have to financially float her along the way.

DEAR NATALIE: My brother and sister have not been on good terms for a few years and my sister recently died. He’s in total denial about what happened and is blaming me for not telling him that she was so ill. The reality is, I have told him. I’ve told his wife and his kids, too. But anytime I would bring up her name, he would shut me down. How is this my fault? I told him to call our sister. This whole situation was a misunderstanding that got blown out of proportion between them. How do I convince him that I only wanted them to make peace? It’s his guilt that is causing him to lash out, but don’t I deserve time to mourn our sister, too? – MAKE PEACE

DEAR MAKE PEACE: Familial relationships can be difficult to navigate, but your brother made his choices and now he has to live with them. Maybe that sounds cold, but you have your own grief to deal with. He has to come to terms with how things ended. I hope he goes to therapy to unpack why he let this wound between your sister and himself fester for so long. Perhaps this will be a wake up call to not make the same mistake with you. But in any case, he has no right to lash out at you and if he does, cut him off and walk away. You don’t have to take any abusive behavior from anyone – even your brother. If he can’t share how he feels in a constructive way, then take a break from him. Work on your own sense of peace. I am sorry for your loss.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her new newsletter on Substack:

Facts Over Fear

DEAR NATALIE: I am having a very hard time dealing with my brother right now because he voted for Trump and his family accesses some of the federal programs that are on “pause” because of the federal funding freeze. We used to be very close, but he has become very involved with the MAGA movement and it changed him. I called him to check on him yesterday and he flipped out on me, blaming me for not warning him that this could happen if Trump was elected. I was livid. I had begged him for years to follow something else than the far-right propaganda he had been watching and now here we are. I am not sure how to handle this because I want to help his family – drop off some groceries or something – but I don’t want to insult him. Our other brother – who is not MAGA and hasn’t talked to him in a year because of all of this – said he has to feel the hurt in order to shake out of this. But, his kids didn’t do anything to deserve this stress. What should I do? – MAGA MELTDOWN

DEAR MAGA MELTDOWN: It’s almost like watching people hit rock bottom but knowing this may be what has to happen in order for them to wake up. I can understand both sides of this, but at the end of the day, this is your family. If you want to buy them some groceries or do something to ease any financial fears within your capacity to do so…then do it. I don’t think pitting ourselves against one another has worked well, do you? Instead, we should be harnessing our collective power to push for policies that support the many and not just the privileged few. We are stronger together and I believe the love of family and friends will save us. Call me a dreamer, I guess. 

DEAR NATALIE: I got an exciting job opportunity but it is out of the country. I would be gone for at least a year. While my family is excited for me, my boyfriend is really depressed. I have suggested that he come with me as he works remotely. But, he takes care of his elderly grandfather and said he can’t leave him. Last night, he “sort of” proposed to me. He basically said, “If you stay, we can get married. I know you want to.” Not exactly the romantic proposal every girl wishes for. I told him I would have to think about it. My best friend thinks he is just being manipulative since this came out of the blue. I know he wants me to stay, but I really think this could be an interesting experience for me and I’ve never lived abroad before. What do you think I should do? – CAN’T DECIDE

DEAR CAN’T DECIDE: Take the job. Women are constantly told to prioritize romantic relationships over careers and other aspects of their lives. We pour into others but when do we ever have the chance to do for ourselves? This sounds like an incredible experience. I would not accept a half-hearted proposal over this opportunity. It’s only a year. If you are meant to be, stay in contact while you are gone. Can he come to visit you? See how it works. If you drift away, so be it. Seize the day. This is your moment.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Check out her radio show every Saturday from 2-5pm EST on KDKA Radio 1020AM, 100.1FM, stream it on the

Audacy app or at www.kdkaradio.com

Watch her award-winning video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Facts Over Fear: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram @NatalieBencivenga

and Substack @factsoverfearnatalieb