DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: The company where I work is owned by an older couple who are as conservative as you get. When their daughter came out years back, they just about threw her out of the family. But believe it or not, the father’s father blasted him about how you love your kids, no matter what.
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Long story short, after being out of the picture, the daughter is back working for the family business, with the goal to take it over in the next few years.
Her spouse is undergoing gender reassignment, so she is especially sensitive to gender recognition issues. One thing she has been demanding of her parents is to update the restrooms to all be gender-neutral ones, including having both toilets and urinals in each of the two front office single-user bathrooms, and providing floor to ceiling stalls along with either additional toilets or urinals in the four multi-stall, currently two men’s and two women’s bathrooms in the warehouse area.
The owners say it is not as simple as tacking signs on the doors. They would need to do some plumbing and structural upgrades as well, which would be expensive at a time when business has been less than robust.
Most of us have steered clear of taking sides, but there is pressure to join either the new or old bathrooms camp. It’s a touchy issue here, and there have been some serious, heated arguments between coworkers over this issue.
As office manager, I’m caught in the middle, and trying to keep neutral. I have a lot invested in my career here, and don’t want to be out of a job if I choose the wrong side.
I completely believe everyone has a right to feel safe and comfortable about themselves and their environments, including the restrooms they use.
However, I see the bottom line, since I’m the one getting the renovation quotes, and I know that the company genuinely cannot afford to put out potentially thousands of dollars right now.
The cheapest way to go is signage, but that’s not acceptable to the boss’s daughter and her supporters.
For the sake of the company’s financial health, should I join the keep it simple with signage side? That would make the current owners, who are close to retirement, happy, but my future boss, their daughter angry. --- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE
DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: Hard as it may be at times, I believe you’re right to stay neutral in this instance, but that doesn’t mean you have to do nothing.
Since you’re familiar with the company’s finances, perhaps you could pull together a few cost comparisons between converting all the restrooms, just changing the signs, and if possible, a compromise option or two. The renovations might, for instance, be spread over a couple of fiscal years, allowing for half of the restrooms to be updated now, and if that falls short of satisfying the needs of the staff, the next step would be to make the changes to the other half of them when the budget permits.
With a few realistic options on the table, what may prove a more productive conversation can be started between the various factions.