DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My girlfriend is closer to her family than anybody I have ever seen. Her parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and siblings are all in about a 25 mile radius of each other. Even after family members go off to college, they ALWAYS come home to begin their careers and start families.
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I grew up in this same area and I love it too, but I have an incredible job offer 800 miles from here in San Diego with an exciting start-up biotech I heard about from a friend who is already out there. They have solid backers and are setting up their labs already.
My girlfriend said she is onboard to come with me. She has her nursing degree, so she should be able to find work anywhere, so that’s not the problem.
But I honestly think she will be miserable to be so far away from her family.
I know it’s hard making a long distance relationship work, but I hate to think she would begin to hate me outright if she gave up everything she has here to take a chance on moving with me.
Do you think I am right? --- SHE’LL BE MISERABLE
DEAR SHE’LL BE MISERABLE: I think a lot rides on how solid and committed your relationship is.
You do have options. For one thing, you could head out first, give it a few months to see if you like the area and how well the job is going. If all looks good at that point, you can see if your girlfriend is still up to joining you in San Diego.
At this point there’s no knowing how successful the relocation will be, but if she’s willing to try taking it on with you, then it’s as much up to her as it is to you to figure out next steps.
A big move’s not something to be blindly jumped into, but there’s also a chance it’s potentially a remarkable, unique experience for you both, as individuals and as a couple.