Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My girlfriend and some of her college friends did a long weekend to celebrate their all turning 25. From their Instagram posts it looks like it was a wild time.

I’m totally cool with my girlfriend having a good time, but her ex shows up in most of the shots, never with her, but there and obviously part of the weekend.

She told me before she left that she didn’t think he was going to be there. They were serious until he met someone else right around the time she met me, which my girlfriend always tells me just proved they were not meant to be and we were.

I asked her if she saw much of him while they were all together, and she told me no, but he’s sure in all the backgrounds.

I don’t want to make a big deal about this, but I keep wondering if anything happened while they were together.

Would it be wrong for me to ask my girlfriend if anything happened? --- I WASN’T THERE

DEAR I WASN’T THERE: Unless you have a solid and compelling reason to believe your girlfriend isn’t being truthful, I think you’re better off giving her the benefit of the doubt and accepting her version of the weekend.

It doesn’t sound like the photos show anything beyond a group of friends having fun together, and if you’re going to move forward with your girlfriend, you’ll have to learn to trust her and what she tells you.

Distrust isn’t a foundation for healthy relationships.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Our eight-year-old son’s best friend “Luke’s” older brother “Max” was arrested for possession. This isn’t the first time for certain. We’ve known for some time about Max’s addiction.

It’s really sad especially since the family is good people. From what they told us Max had problems when he was at college and started using and then started dealing, which got him kicked out and into his first legal troubles.

The mom and dad are trying to protect their younger children from what’s been happening, but it’s still been hard on them. Our son has seen Max yelling and threatening the rest of the family. We stopped letting him go over there after that, but Luke is always welcome at our house, and we’ve babysat for Luke and his little sister when the mom and dad had to deal with their oldest boy.

We think our son is old enough to be told about what drug addiction is and how Max can’t help himself right now, but that maybe he will in the future.

Do you agree eight’s old enough to have this kind of discussion? --- HE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND

DEAR HE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND: Your son has already witnessed some of Max’s erratic behavior, so yes, I believe it’s a good time to help him process not only what Max is going through, but how Luke and the rest of his family are affected by Max’s addiction.

If it hasn’t already, word may make its way around school about Luke’s family’s troubles and having an understanding and supportive friend in Luke’s corner could be a big help.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My wife and I have gone to the restaurant where we had our first date and where I proposed on Valentine’s Day 2016 for our special romantic anniversaries.

As I usually do, I made reservations there for Valentine’s Day again this year. Since then I was at the restaurant for a coworker’s retirement party and I have to say the quality of the food and the service, even the cleanliness of the place has slipped a whole lot since my wife and I were there last year. I had heard from some friends that it wasn’t the same since the old owners retired and sold it to a company with several other restaurants in the area, none of them known for offering a fine dining experience.

I told my wife about my experience and the stories I heard from my friends about how things have changed at our old spot. But she feels we can put up with a less fine dining experience to be able to keep our traditions going. I can think of half a dozen other restaurants where we could enjoy better meals and atmospheres.

Is it worth pushing her towards one of those restaurants, or am I better off letting her see how things have changed for herself? --- NOT THE SAME PLACE

DEAR NOT THE SAME PLACE: It sounds as if your wife will have to see it ‒ or in this case ‒ taste it to believe it.

If she still insists on giving the old restaurant one more try after all you’ve told her about how things are under the new ownership, although it may lead to a disappointing Valentine’s Day dinner, it’s also possibly the only way she’ll be convinced it’s time to find a new sentimental favorite.