DEAR ABBY: Last weekend my wife's former college roommate, "Kathy," came to visit my wife and me. We had not seen her since 1986. She had sent a Christmas card, which we followed up with a phone call inviting her for a weekend. She lives two hours away, and accepted immediately -- then she called back and asked if she could bring her new boyfriend. Well, we thought, "Any boyfriend of Kathy's would be as delightful as Kathy." Right? Wrong!

Kathy's boyfriend (I'll call him Chuck) turned out to be the most overbearing, crude, obnoxious, know-it-all we had ever met. He was argumentative, loud and just plain rude. We bit our tongues the entire weekend to keep from telling him where to go!

The problem is that Kathy seems to like this guy and she indicated that she and Chuck would be back regularly for weekend visits! She also suggested that we take a vacation trip with them.

So how do we go about telling Kathy that we think Chuck is a first-class jerk and she deserves better? Or should we keep quiet and hope she sees the light and dumps this rude dude? -- STUMPED

DEAR STUMPED: Be honest. If Kathy asks you what you think of Chuck, don't offer phony praise to keep from hurting her feelings. Tell her now not to include you in any vacations with her and Chuck because you don't enjoy his company that much. She may be offended, but it might inspire her to take a harder look at her new boyfriend and cause her to chuck Chuck.

DEAR ABBY: "Browbeaten in Pompano Beach" wrote that he retired at age 62; then he went on to say, "Five years later, my wife of 55 years applied for her Social Security, etc."

Abby, if he retired at 62, five years later he was 67. And if they were married for 55 years, he would have been 12 years old when he got married. Come on! How can that be? -- K.R.J. IN GROTON, CONN.

DEAR K.R.J.: It can't. In order for it to make sense, that sentence should have read: "Seven years later my wife, who was 55 when I retired, applied for her Social Security at 62."

Wait, it gets worse. In my reply, I say, "After 55 years of togetherness, etc.," indicating that I, too, assumed they had been married for 55 years, which would have indeed made the husband 12 years old at the time of his marriage. The mathematics escaped me entirely. I plead guilty as charged. I'll take 10 whacks with a fifth-grade math book, and another 10 with a book on logic.

DEAR ABBY: Am I the only person in the world who puts eyeglasses on to answer the telephone? I use "specs" for reading only because my eyesight is quite good for a person my age (62) -- so why do I always reach for them when I answer the telephone? -- WEIRD IN DENVER

DEAR WEIRD: Perhaps you want to be prepared in case you need to make a note of something during the telephone conversation. Many people (including me) have the same habit.

"How to Be Popular" is an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a parent and teacher, presently writing my term paper for a graduate degree. My subject is the effects of reading aloud to children. In my research, I found that in 1983 you recommended "The Read Aloud Handbook" by Jim Trelease, published by Penguin.

Abby, please tell your readers about "The New Read Aloud Handbook" by the same author and publisher. It contains updated lists of books to be read to children as well as research material confirming that reading aloud to children improves their vocabularies, awakens their imaginations and coaxes them away from the television.

But best of all, it instills in children the joy of reading. -- REBECCA MEHL-WHITE, HORNICK, IOWA

DEAR REBECCA: Thanks for the wake-up call. I confess I was unaware that Jim Trelease had written a new, updated "Read Aloud Handbook." His first book sold more than 1.5 million copies and richly deserved the acclaim it achieved in the United States, Canada, Great Britain, Japan and Australia. Parents and teachers wrote to thank me for recommending it.

I immediately bought "The New Read Aloud Handbook" and found it well worth the $9.95 I paid. If it isn't in every bookstore and public library in the country, it should be.

It was in "The Read Aloud Handbook" that I found the beautiful poem "The Reading Mother" by Strickland Gillilan from which I quoted the following:

"You may have tangible wealth untold;

"Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.

"Richer than I you can never be --

"I had a mother who read to me."

DEAR ABBY: In our area, we have a young, growing family with children. The wife's mother lived with this family until she passed away nearly two years ago. The wife -- I'll call her Mrs. J. -- has kept the room her mother slept in exactly like it was while she lived there. Her clothes and shoes are in the closet and dresser drawers. All that is ever done to this room is the cleaning.

The growing family could make good use of this room, yet Mrs. J. insists that it remain just as it was when it was last occupied.

Abby, is Mrs. J. all there, or is there something wrong upstairs? -- BAFFLED AND CURIOUS

DEAR B. AND C.: Obviously, it gives a measure of comfort to keep the room once occupied by her mother exactly as it was while her mother was alive. If Mrs. J. wants to make a shrine of that room, whom is she hurting?

DEAR ABBY: When my sweet little Fluffy, an 8-year-old Pekinese-Shih Tzu, died last week from ingesting a small amount of antifreeze that was left on our driveway, I had to write to warn others. Abby, my husband had been working on vehicles in our driveway for years, and it never occurred to either one of us that the driveway should be hosed down thoroughly to remove every trace of antifreeze for the safety of our pets.

Unfortunately, it's too late for our Fluffy, but it would mean the world to me if you would print this to warn others. -- HEARTBROKEN IN LAKEWOOD, N.J.

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Here's your letter ... in loving memory of Fluffy.

Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: About a year and a half ago, I moved to a retirement facility in Oregon. Ever since, I have been swamped with mail-order catalogs (unsolicited) to the point that when the mail is delivered each day, there are more catalogs delivered than my mailbox can hold!

In the past you have, from time to time, printed an address to which one could write in order to put a stop to this nuisance. Would you please print it again? I am ... KNEE-DEEP IN JUNK MAIL

DEAR KNEE-DEEP: Not only do some catalog companies make money by selling their merchandise; they also make a bundle by selling their customer lists to one another. Therefore, once you order anything by catalog you may find yourself on many other mailing lists, and the recipient of many unwanted solicitations.

If you shop at home but want to lessen the unsolicited advertising mail you receive, simply ask the companies with which you do business not to rent your name to other mailers.

Your other option, the Mail Preference Service, screens out the national advertising mail and should be used by consumers who do not want to receive such solicitations. To have your name deleted from these lists, write to: Mail Preference Service, Direct Marketing Association Inc., P.O. Box 3861, New York, N.Y. 10163-3861. There is no charge for this service.

DEAR ABBY: I thought I'd share with you a very poignant letter that appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle recently. Perhaps you will want to share it with your readers. -- S.K. IN HAYWARD, CALIF.

DEAR S.K.: I think it is well worth sharing with my readers. It appeared in the "Letters to the Editor" section, and here it is:

LOOKlNG FOR A PARADE

Can I march in your parade, too? I came back from World War II after being in five battles, and I don't remember any ticker tape.

We were near Japan on VJ Day and didn't get to participate, unlike some of the lucky National Guardsmen in the latest short war.

In 1945, we were so jumpy from kamikaze attacks that we had a general quarters alarm after the Japanese surrendered. It was very remote from the joyful madness I saw displayed in pictures of Market Street.

Our ship's company had not seen civilization in over a year, and it was another eight months before I was mustered out.

Can I be in your parade now? -- ROBERT L. HEATON, LAFAYETTE, CALIF.

CONFIDENTIAL TO G.H. IN OTTAWA, CANADA: "The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is." (George Bernard Shaw) You, sir, are a very respectable man.

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)