DEAR ABBY: My husband and I adopted a beautiful little boy two years ago. He was 2 years old when we got him. We waited for 2 1/2 years to get him, and when the agency called us to say we could come and get him, I was so thrilled I shared the good news with my co-workers. I worked in an office with 13 other women. In the three years that I worked there, I attended six baby showers and hosted one in my home.

Abby, I cannot tell you how heartbroken I was when no one from the office even called to ask how things were going. No shower, no gifts -- not even a card. I did, however, receive many questions about my son's birth parents. (Did I ever meet them? Were they married? How old was his mother? Does he have any sisters or brothers?)

I since have moved on to a new job because I felt so much resentment toward my co-workers. I was invited to two more baby showers before I quit.

Abby, please remind people to treat everyone's new child the same -- adopted or not. It would mean so much to the new parents. I just had to get this off my chest. Thank you for listening. -- BROKENHEARTED WITH A TERRIFIC SON

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: There is no defense for the attitude of your former co-workers, but I'm printing your letter because it carries a very important message! An adopted child deserves the same celebrated welcome as a birth child, and because there is usually so much red tape, praying and waiting, perhaps a little more.

DEAR ABBY: I am a female, working for a cable television company as a computer operator. Lately, every morning when I sign in on the computer, I find suggestive messages of a sexual nature from the man I relieve from the night shift.

One message: "Darling, I dreamed about you last night ..." He also had flowers delivered to me at work on Valentine's Day.

I am a single mother and this is starting to get out of hand. I am dating another man and have no interest in this co-worker.

Should I report him to my supervisor? Someone in the office suggested that I file sexual harassment charges. What if I do, and the guy gets canned from work and tries to hurt me or get even? -- HARASSED IN DENVER

DEAR HARASSED: Before you report him to your supervisor, tell the pushy pest that you are not interested in his flowers or his fantasies. And if he annoys you further, make good your threat.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me. My desk at work is 10 feet away from a person who whistles constantly. I get so irritated that I cannot concentrate on the task at hand. This is beginning to have a great effect on my work, and I don't like it. The problem is that this person is my boss, and I don't want to run the risk of seeming insubordinate. On the other hand, if this whistling does not stop, I will go crazy. What should I do? -- SOON-TO-BE-BONKERS

DEAR SOON: Your job can't possibly be more important to you than your sanity, so tell your boss that you can't concentrate on your work while "someone" is whistling. And if your boss continues to drive you bonkers with his/her whistling, repeat the message, unless, of course, you don't mind going bonkers.

Want your phone to ring? Get Abby's booklet, "How to Be Popular" -- for people of all ages. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Sex for seniors? Why not? That's right up my alley. I'm age 85, with a 71-year-old third wife, and we make love frequently. I lost my first two wives to cancer after almost 20 years with each.

I met my present wife when I was 79 and she was 64. She had been with the only man in her life -- her husband of 37 years -- so I should not have been surprised at her obvious lack of experience. Being "made love to" was new to her, as opposed to being an outlet for a man's desires. Once we got in tune with each other, we made love 10 times in nine days -- once every day, and twice on Sunday. I kid you not.

We have slowed down somewhat since I was hospitalized for a month after surgery to remove a cancerous colon. It was a month after that before we could resume our lovemaking. Notice, I said "lovemaking," not having sex. There is a difference.

By the way, I met my third wife in church. After our relationship became serious, we toured Europe together. Different names on passports don't bother hotel clerks or anyone else when two people travel as a couple. After living out of a suitcase for six weeks, we knew we'd either love each other or hate each other's guts. We married as soon as our property sales were completed.

My secret for a successful marriage? Take your time. Sex is a quick roll in the hay. Making love is like an ocean voyage; half the fun is getting there. -- OLDER BUT NOT TOO OLD

DEAR OLDER: You could write a book ... you certainly know what to do between the covers. Hooray for you!

DEAR ABBY: Could you please tell me if there is anything a man can do to color the gray hair on his chest? Are there any products on the market that can handle this problem?

The hair on my head is mostly dark brown with only a few gray hairs, but I am getting a whole flock of gray hairs on my chest. Hurry your answer, please. I don't want to look like an old guy on the beach. -- MALIBU MALE

DEAR MALIBU: Ask your barber. He should know. If he can't help you, head for the nearest store that carries beauty supplies. Its shelves will be lined with "rinses" and "tints" that will solve your dilemma.

DEAR ABBY: Please say something about the widespread use of pacifiers. They are used mostly to pacify the parents who stick it in the child's mouth to keep it quiet.

Putting a plug in a child's mouth, whether it's a genuine plug or a bottle (when used as a pacifier), causes the child to associate comfort and relief of stress with oral satisfaction, which may lead later in life to smoking, overeating or alcoholism.

The child's instinct to suck is usually satisfied by breast or bottle when the child is hungry.

And don't you hate to see a child who is old enough to walk still sucking on a bottle? -- BARBARA SNADER, CHILD DEVELOPMENT SPECIALIST

DEAR BARBARA: Yes. But the people who most love to see a child who is old enough to walk still sucking on a bottle are the orthodontists.

By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Over the years, I have written booklets on how to write letters for all occasions, how to have a lovely wedding, what every teen should know, how to be popular, and two booklets filled with favorite family recipes. But I completely overlooked one of the most important subjects of all -- the anger in all of us and how to deal with it.

Anger is a normal emotion. We have all experienced anger in varying degrees. My mail bears abundant testimony to that fact. I receive letters from angry children, angry parents, angry spouses, angry lovers, angry neighbors, angry pet lovers -- the list is endless.

Many people express their anger physically -- at the expense of another. Others swallow their anger and have chronic indigestion or ulcers to show for it.

I discussed the subject of anger with my longtime friend and consultant, Dr. Judd Marmor, eminent psychoanalyst and past president of the American Psychiatric Association, and with his expert guidance, another booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," emerged.

Written in plain, everyday language, it's easy to read and easy to understand. Some comments from those who have read it:

-- "I can see myself in that booklet."

-- "I wish I had read it years ago."

-- "I want my children to read it."

To order "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Maybe you can help me with this. I called the Immigration and Naturalization office and couldn't get an answer to my question.

I am a white American female. My husband is Chinese, born in Vietnam. He has a permanent resident visa.

My question: What nationality does that make our children? Someone told me that they are white American, but to me that means that they are ignoring their Oriental heritage.

My daughter says she is half-Chinese and half-American. Please straighten this out, as we never know how to fill out the forms when this question is asked. -- PUZZLED IN FLORIDA

DEAR PUZZLED: Your daughter's nationality is American because she is a natural-born citizen of the United States of America. As for the racial issue: She is half-Oriental and half-Caucasian (or white).

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to "Stuck in a Small Town," the teen-age guy who married his girlfriend because she was pregnant, only to find out later that the baby wasn't his.

I have a similar story to tell. "Jimmy" and I were seniors in high school. We went steady off and on for four years, and yes, I got pregnant. I had also been seeing a guy I'll call Stan for about three months, and Jimmy knew it.

I told both guys I was pregnant, and Stan said: "I will marry you, but after the baby comes, we are taking blood tests, and if the baby isn't mine, you are going to have to give me a divorce."

Jimmy said: "I love you and I want to marry you. I don't need a blood test because I don't care who the baby's father is. I will raise the baby as my own, either way."

Well, Jimmy and I were married the week after graduation, and our son is 2 years old now. Jimmy knows now that the baby isn't his because he looks just like the other guy, but that doesn't stop him from loving him.

I'm not recommending sex in high school. It's a big mistake, but I happen to be one of the lucky ones. -- LUCKY IN TEXAS

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)