DEAR ABBY: You recently published a letter from a reader complaining about tacky wedding invitations. Let me add my 2 cents' worth with a story that will top that one.

As you can see from the enclosed memo (which was stuffed into the same envelope as the wedding invitation AND the bridal shower invitation), this couple, "Carole and Rick," had the gall to allow their travel agent to solicit contributions for their Hawaiian honeymoon.

This couple is known around town to be tightfisted with a buck, but this kind of solution is a new "low." Obviously, either the travel agent or the sponsor of the bridal shower felt awkward sending the memo out, as someone typed in, "Requested by: Rick."

By the way, Abby, I was going to cross out the names in the original memo, but I didn't want you to think this was a hoax, so if you publish this, please change the names. -- AMAZED IN DELAWARE

DEAR AMAZED, AND DEAR READERS: Well, now I've seen everything. Read on:

"TO: The Family and Friends of Carole and Rick

"FROM: Chutzpah Travel Agency

"RE: Hawaiian Honeymoon

"We are pleased to advise you that we will be handling the travel arrangements for Carole and Rick's honeymoon. Our agency has set aside a separate account for payment, so Carole and Rick's friends and relatives may share in giving this terrific couple a memorable honeymoon. We would appreciate it if your gift would be a check made out to Chutzpah Travel Agency, for Carole and Rick. Please add your telephone number, so that we can call to thank you, upon receipt of your check. -- MAX SMITH, TRAVEL AGENT"

P.S. And "aloha" to etiquette.

DEAR ABBY: I came across this very unusual obituary in The Seattle Times. I did not know the person, but I thought it might be something you would want to share with your readers:

"Rowena L. (Brown) Edelbrock passed away on June 12, 1991. She left us with these thoughts:

"'When I quit this mortal shore

"'And mosey 'round this earth no more

"'Don't weep, don't sigh, don't grieve, don't sob;

"'I may have struck a better job.

"'Don't go and buy a large bouquet

"'For which you'll find it hard to pay.

"'Don't stand around me looking blue;

"'I may be better off than you!"'

Abby, I think this poem is a winner, don't you? -- LORNA SCHOFIELD, MOUNTLAKE TERRACE, WASH.

DEAR LORNA: It is, indeed, a winner. It is inevitable that one day we shall all "quit this mortal shore," and to do so as lightheartedly as Rowena did makes the journey less grim.

DEAR ABBY: In regard to your recent letter from the bride who found that their honeymoon suite contained no bed, I heard of another bride who had the same experience. When asked what her reaction was, she replied, "I was floored!" -- JACK RUNNINGER, ROME, GA.

By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: It is time to remind your readers that if they wish to display the American flag, it must be done with respect.

The war is over, but many of the hastily displayed flags (by, I'll call them, born-again patriots) are still outside 24 hours a day, all tangled up, wrapped around roof gutters and downspouts, being torn to shreds in the wind and rain. You don't have to be a former Boy Scout or be knowledgeable of the flag code passed by Congress in 1942 to understand respect.

The American flag is to be displayed out of doors from sunrise to sunset "in good weather." The flag is displayed at night for special occasions, and preferably spotlighted for honor and respect. To me, it seems disrespectful to see flags that were hastily mounted in all manner of ways -- even stapled to old mop handles -- still out there and forgotten.

Improvised display of Old Glory might be dramatic and acceptable on the emotion-filled battlefield, but not on permanent homes and businesses. Abby, can you check out the protocol for displaying the American flag? -- NOT A FLAG- WAVER, BUT I LOVE OLD GLORY

DEAR NOT: The 27th edition of the American Legion Officer's Guide (Revised, July 1989), states: "It is the universal custom to display the flag only from sunrise to sunset on buildings and stationary flagstaffs in the open. However, when a patriotic effect is desired, the flag may be displayed 24 hours a day if properly illuminated during the hours of darkness.

"The flag should not be displayed on days when the weather is inclement, except when an all-weather flag is displayed.

"The flag should never touch anything beneath it, such as the ground, the floor, water or merchandise.

"The flag should never be fastened, displayed, used or stored in such a manner as to permit it to be easily soiled, torn or damaged in any way.

"The flag, when it is in such condition that it is no longer a fitting emblem for display, should be destroyed in a dignified way -- preferably by burning."

DEAR ABBY: I went to the doctor the other day, and after he examined me, he said I needed a hysterectomy. Abby, I am an unmarried 28-year-old woman, and this is a major decision.

I went home and told my family. My mother didn't express an opinion one way or the other. My father told me to do what I thought was best. My aunt said I shouldn't have it done because I will gain a lot of weight afterward. I talked to two of my best friends, and they both said I shouldn't do it.

Now I don't know what to do. I want to do what's best for me, but I also want to keep my family and friends happy. What should I do? -- MAJOR PROBLEM

DEAR PROBLEM: Keeping your family and friends happy should be your last consideration in making this decision.

Stop asking friends and family for their opinions -- they mean well, but they are not qualified to advise you. See another gynecologist for a second opinion, and if the second opinion isn't the same as the first, get a third opinion.

If you're not acquainted with the gynecologists in your area, call your county medical association. I wish you well.

Most teen-agers do not know the facts about drugs, AIDS and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It's all in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You recently said that older people should not be ashamed to ask their doctors questions about medications prescribed for them. They should know how much to take, how often to use it, what the side effects are, etc.

I wonder why the instructions that come with some medications are written in language that nobody can understand. For example, my doctor prescribed a nasal spray. The only thing I could understand was, "Shake well before using." Here is a sample of what else came with my medication and instructions:

"Beclomethasone 17, 21-dipropionate is a diester of beclomethasone, a synthetic halogenated corticosteroid. Animal studies show that beclomethasone dipropionate has potent glucocorticoid and weak mineralocorticoid activity.

"The effects of beclomethasone dipropionate on hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) function have been evaluated in adult volunteers by other routes of administration. Studies with beclomethasone dipropionate by the intranasal route may demonstrate that there is more or that there is less absorption by this route of administration. There was no suppression of early morning plasma cortisol concentrations when beclomethasone dipropionate was administered in a dose of 1,000 mcg/day for one month as an oral aerosol or for three days by intramuscular injection."

Abby, there is much more that I cannot understand, but this should give you a general idea of what I mean. -- JOHN W. EGGERS, SAN DIEGO

DEAR MR. EGGERS: I know exactly what you mean. Such gobbledygook is intended to confuse a person not schooled in Latin.

Don't be embarrassed. Ask your doctor for instructions that you can understand. And if there are any questions in your mind -- ask for clarification.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old woman who happens to have a very fair complexion. I do not tan very easily. My dermatologist just removed three precancerous growths from my arms and advised me to wear sunscreen when I plan to go out in the sun.

I get very irritated with people who tell me I would look a lot better if I got a little tan. Can you suggest a snappy comeback for these clods? -- SUN-SHY IN GEORGIA

DEAR SUN-SHY: Snappy comeback? You need no snappier comeback than the truth. Try this: "My dermatologist just removed three precancerous growths from my arms."

Then notice how quiet it gets ... followed by a, "Gee, I'm sorry. I didn't know" ... or words to that effect.

DEAR ABBY: Knowing that you are an animal lover, I am writing with the hope that this will reach many zoo visitors.

Recently, a monkey in our zoo died because she was fed something poisonous by a visitor. There are signs on all of our animal cages requesting "DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS," but some visitors pay no attention to them.

Abby, it is heartbreaking when, in spite of all our training and care, we cannot prevent a death because some well-meaning visitor ignores our "No Feeding" signs. Please print this as a reminder. -- SAD IN HAWAII

Dear Abby's Cookbooklet is a collection of favorite recipes -- all tested, tried and terrific! To order, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)