DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are the proud parents of a beautiful 16-month-old daughter named Amanda. Now that Amanda is walking, we are faced with a problem. My in-laws, who are great people, have an unfenced swimming pool on their property, and my husband and I feel very uncomfortable having Amanda at their home for that reason. It takes only a few seconds for a small child to escape the watchful eyes of an adult and wander off.

I realize that putting a fence around the pool is expensive, but how can I let my in-laws know how important it is to save the life of a child -- not just any child, but their grandchild whom they adore? -- PLEASE FENCE ME IN

DEAR PLEASE: While a fence would offer a great measure of security, gates have been left open and crawled under -- so don't rely on a fence to keep Amanda safe.

There is no substitute for constant adult supervision. Do not assume that other children -- or even a trusted adult -- will watch your precious child.

Every summer I hear from heartbroken, guilt-ridden pool owners who have had a child drown in their pool. I repeat my plea to all parents to teach their children to swim, to learn all the rules of water safety, and outfit little ones with "life jackets."

And every pool owner should learn cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) -- just in case.

DEAR ABBY: What is happening to our society? Where is taste? What about morals, decency and modesty? What kind of examples are we setting for our children?

For example, I turned on the TV in the presence of my 11-year-old son and his 14-year-old sister, and what do we see? A sleepy-eyed, obviously naked lady in bed with a bedsheet around her, turning to her bed partner -- also naked. She asks, "What did you say your name was?"

Abby, is that the kind of message we should be sending to our young people -- that it's OK to go to bed with strangers? That's bad enough under any circumstances, but with the threat of AIDS, to make casual sex appear acceptable and commonplace is criminal.

Another thing: How about our movie stars proudly announcing that they are expecting a baby? The fact that they are not married -- and have no plans to marry at this time -- doesn't seem to bother anybody.

Also, I'm not suggesting that we go back to the days when pregnant married women took their walks at night so nobody would see them, but I am not ready to see a pregnant woman in her eighth month stark naked on the cover of a magazine.

I don't expect you to have answers for all of the above, but if this is progress, I'm for turning back the clock. -- FIFTYSOMETHING IN PHOENIX

DEAR FIFTYSOMETHING: Amen.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, a reference was made to an "upcoming" wedding. Abby, every time I see that word "upcoming," I am reminded of this memo the late Bernard Kilgore wrote to his staff when he was the chief honcho at The Wall Street Journal:

"If I see the word UPCOMING in The Wall Street Journal once more, I shall be downcoming on someone who will be outgoing." -- S.S.M., LOS ANGELES

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My recent vacation trip has compelled me to pass along some tips to those who visit our precious national parks -- particularly Yellowstone.

1. Don't bring your dog a1ong -- at least not to Yellowstone; pets are not allowed past one-quarter of a mile on any trail there. I couldn't believe all the dogs I saw locked in cars in 80-degree temperatures! Better check the pet regulations of the park you plan to visit before deciding to bring your dog. (Bears dislike dogs, so you'd be asking for trouble.)

2. Extinguish your camp fires when you leave your site.

3. If an animal wants to cross the road -- let it! You're only a visitor -- the animal lives there, so be polite. (I couldn't believe how many people I saw impatiently blowing their horns to force a buffalo or deer back to the side of the road.)

4. Those lovely wildflowers are not yours -- they belong to everyone; so please leave them there for the next person to admire. Leave the rocks and stones in place, too.

5. If you want a close-up shot of an animal, invest in a camera with a zoom lens. I actually saw 25 or 30 people bounding across a meadow, surrounding a giant elk and snapping away within 50 feet of the beast. (Do they think those animals are stuffed? If they ever get gored, they'll find out.)

6. Believe in signs. If you see a sign that says "Danger" or "Stay on Trail" -- believe it. Everyone acts like he's working for National Geographic. The best picture does not necessarily lie beyond the "No Farther" warning. You're better off settling for an OK shot than not living to see the shot of a lifetime. -- MARY WIESEMAN, INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR MARY: Thanks for the travel tips. Do you mind if I add a tip or two of my own?

1. Don't litter. Carry a folded bag in which to stash your trash.

2. Wear comfortable shoes, sunglasses and sunscreen, and a whistle on a flexible cord around your neck. Be sure your children are outfitted the same way.

3. Keep an eagle eye on your kids at all times.

4. And if you smoke, douse the butt with water to be sure it's out.

"How to Be Popular" is an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of a 7-month-old daughter, and another child is due in December. My husband and I were married last January and now we are being divorced. I'll be 21 in October, and I am terrified of being a single mother with two children, not to mention the fact that my husband has paid only $50 in child support. Clothes, food and diapers cost a lot of money.

Abby, this second child was a complete shock, and I'm not sure I really want it. I have no feelings for it. Am I making sense? I feel as though my world has no meaning except for my family, the child I have and myself. I don't know what to do.

I have dreams of how I could hurt myself badly enough to kill this child inside. I wish I wasn't pregnant, but I don't believe in abortion and I couldn't give it up for adoption.

Mom tells me I will have feelings for this baby when it begins to grow. Has anyone ever said this to you before? I will care for it, but I'm afraid that I will never love this baby. Scary, huh? What should I do? Help! -- SCARED IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR SCARED: If you are having dreams about how you can "hurt" yourself enough to be rid of the baby you say you may never love, cannot support, and did not want in the first place -- please talk with a professional counselor or a clergyperson about giving the child up. There are many couples waiting (and praying) for a child to adopt. They would love and provide for it in a way that you can�not. Please consider that option. You need not feel guilty for facing reality. I think you are sensible and courageous. I wish you well.

DEAR ABBY: I am a delivery driver for a major pizza restaurant in Atchison, Kan. I've seen all kinds of things while delivering pizza, but one thing I've seen often, worries me.

Many adults send their small children to answer the door and pay for the pizza. I've had children as young as 3 and 4 years old meet me at the door with no adult in sight. One woman sent her 5-�year-old son to the door, and when there was a problem with the order, he had to get her from a second-floor bedroom!

One little boy even let me in the house, saying that he was the only one at home. I love children myself and don't have a problem dealing with them, but people don't know me. How do they know I won't try to abduct their child, or do something terrible to him or her? We read about things like that happening to children every day!

Abby, please tell people that if they want to let their kids "pay" for the pizza, that's fine, but they should be within a few feet of the child when the child opens the door. It could prevent a terrible tragedy. -- A PIZZA DELIVERY DRIVER

DEAR DRIVER: Thanks for a valuable letter. You delivered something far more important than a pizza today.

What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)