DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I feel like I have been sent to social purgatory and I am not sure if I can correct the damage of someone else’s words.

I am hitting my fifties and have been with a social group of sales professionals, brokers, and such for over 15 years. Everyone is into boating and golfing. There has been quite a bit of drinking mixed into the sporty fun. Sure, I drank, but never as part of the late crowd. I work in a field where I cannot have a DUI. I would excuse myself saying that I need to let my dogs out and leave by 9 p.m.

Two years ago the unthinkable happened ‒ one of our friends was diagnosed with liver cancer and died after a very quick decline. No one knew she drank “that much.” This shook me up and made me examine my own behavior.

This year, two other friends have developed pancreas and liver problems. Recently, “Socialite Suzie” was giving me an update on their conditions. I told her that I am curbing my drinking because I want to live to enjoy grandchildren and, “We all need to do our best to stay healthy.”

Suzie reacted in shock that I was suggesting a link between alcohol and these illnesses. She asked if I was, “Blaming them for making themselves sick?” I assured her that I was speaking for myself.

Ever since that conversation people have been snubbing me. Folks who would have bounded up to give me a hug are giving me a stiff lipped smile and a wave. The guy with the pancreas issues recently pointed his finger at me at a business event. I am being excluded from holiday parties.

Should I retreat from social life? Confront Suzie? Go to AA to make friends who don’t drink? --- NO WORDS

DEAR NO WORDS: I can see how “Socialite Suzie” possibly originally misread your intention to cut back as a judgment on your ailing friends. However, after you attempted to clarify you were speaking only for yourself, “Suzie” apparently chose to hold fast to her take on your words and to go ahead and share it with your social circle.

It seems you’re getting an education in who your real friends are. The people freezing you out based on an erroneous interpretation of what you said aren’t showing you any loyalty or benefit of a doubt, but rather have decided to add their condemnation to “Suzie’s” ‒ no questions asked. That’s not how real friends should be expected to act.

While confronting “Suzie” could afford you some satisfaction, your next step might be just letting it blow over, accepting that for the time being this particular social circle is closed to you until someone else in it provides gossip fodder.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My wife and I have polar opposite views on food. She was raised in Texas by two parents who themselves grew up in farming families. She ate what was available and she was fine with that. Even now she only cooks and prefers to eat the most basic and ‒ I think ‒ uninteresting foods.

Although I didn’t become a foodie until I was in my 30s, I love trying and cooking all sorts of different foods. As anyone who knows me will tell you, I’ll try just about anything.

This year for Christmas week a large family group is renting a house outside Savannah and having a combined family reunion/holiday celebration. It is to be a family gathering with ages ranging from seven to 84.

Each family unit has been assigned a meal to prepare for everyone. My wife and I drew Christmas Eve.

Ever since getting our assignment we have been at odds over what to prepare. My wife wants to do a traditional, simple meal of ham or turkey and the fixin’s like she grew up with. I want to go all out and prepare a réveillon, a traditional French Christmas Eve meal. I experienced one when I was staying in New Orleans for Christmas when I was in college and have never forgotten it.

I believe it’s the sort of menu with something for everyone and that it would be a meal our families would never forget.

Do you think there’s anything wrong with pushing the palates of people, especially during a festive meal, or is my wife and her safe menu the better way to go? --- MAKE IT SPECIAL

DEAR MAKE IT SPECIAL: As you’re both fairly confident your respectively proposed Christmas Eve meals would be generally enjoyed, why not combine forces and each cook to your strengths, especially as you seem to have chosen a menu that may be well-suited to a joint venture.

I had to look up what a réveillon entails, and from what I read roasted meat is one of the main components. That being the case, perhaps your wife could roast the meat while you tackle some of the other, less everyday elements of the dinner, each of you doing what you’re most comfortable with.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband’s oldest brother became a Jehovah’s Witness when he was in his mid-twenties. He was raised a Methodist, and almost everyone else in the family, including us, still keeps to that tradition.

When we get together with his family, which is rarely, our kids are fascinated how their cousins don’t observe Halloween or Christmas or even birthdays. And in return, their cousins ask them questions (usually when their parents can’t hear them) about what we do at our house, especially for Christmas.

This year I wanted to have our kids, ages 8 and 12, give their cousins some little something in the spirit of Christmas. They ask every year why they give and get gifts from all their other cousins. They told me they really want to include my brother-in-law’s kids, even though they know they won’t get anything in return.

My husband said he isn’t sure this is a good idea, but I think it is. Do you think it’s a good or a bad idea? --- IN THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT

DEAR IN THE christmas spirit: Even though it’s nice your children want to include their cousins in their celebration of Christmas, I think it’s also important to respect your brother-in-law’s family’s beliefs and practices and refrain from giving the young cousins Christmas gifts.

If your children are open to the idea, they can donate what they would have given to their cousins to an organization that collects items to be distributed to children in need during the holidays such as a local church or Toys For Tots.