DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been happily married for nearly five years and have two adorable children. We are each other's best friend, get along great, and have a terrific sex life.

My problem: When a sexy-looking woman comes on TV, I change the channel. This infuriates my husband like you wouldn't believe. He is normally not a violent man, but he gets so angry he looks like he'd like to strangle me! This is the only thing we ever fight about. I can't stand to see the way he looks at women with low-cut dresses or miniskirts.

Yesterday, he was watching a beauty pageant, and when all the girls came out in their bikini bathing suits, I thought his eyes were going to fall out of his head!

Abby, can you blame me for changing the channel? -- JEALOUS

DEAR JEALOUS: Yes. If your marriage has survived five years of channel-changing because of your jealousy, your husband must love you very much.

Grow up. The problem isn't your husband's -- it's yours. Since you can't stand to see him appreciating the sight of a provocative female on TV, you should leave the room.

DEAR ABBY: I have had this problem for years, and it keeps getting worse: my teeth.

I have no dental plan and I'm unemployed right now. Abby, I hide my teeth 24 hours a day. If someone talks to me, I turn my head and pretend to be interested in something to one side, so he won't see my teeth. I don't even brush my teeth in front of a mirror because I get too depressed. I often have dreams about my teeth falling out with all my friends watching and laughing. It's a living nightmare.

Abby, I feel like my life is going nowhere. If I could just get my teeth fixed, a whole new world would open up to me. Meanwhile, I'm ... KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT

DEAR KEEPING: Schools of dentistry (as well as state and local dental societies) operate dental clinics where low-cost -- or free -- dental care is available for those who qualify.

Your county dental society should be listed in your telephone directory. And any dentist can refer you to the nearest dental college.

Do not delay. Your general health can be undermined by infected gums and decaying teeth.

DEAR ABBY: A friend gave me an idea she said came from your column years ago that solved the "thank-you note" problem in her family. I use it with my two children and it works!

They may not spend the money, play with the toy or wear the clothing until their thank-you notes are written. I began this practice when they were too young to do it for themselves. Now, my 5-year-old dictates his note to me and I write it verbatim (which amazes him) and then he signs it! My 9-year-old does it herself.

I have tried to remind them if they were the sender, they would like to know how the recipient felt about the gift -- or even if it arrived. -- LINDA BYZEWSKI, KINGMAN, ARIZ.

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I married at the age of 14. My husband was 18. We both lied about our ages, swearing that I was 18 and he was 21. Our marriage lasted 14 years, during which time we had three lovely children, and then a very messy divorce!

Two years later, I married a truly wonderful man. We have been married 24 years.

Now I find that my first marriage wasn't legal because I didn't know that any lie on a marriage license makes it null and void.

Also, Arkansas law states that no one under the age of 16 can get married, even with parental consent. (Check with a lawyer.)

Please, Abby, let people know about these laws. It's not only Arkansas that has this law, it's almost every state. Maybe we can save some other poor soul from going through what I did 26 years ago. The hurt never goes away, even if you do find out 26 years later. I wish someone would have let me know of those laws! -- ENLIGHTENED IN MYRTLE CREEK, ORE.

DEAR ENLIGHTENED: According to the offices of the County Clerk and the County Attorney in Little Rock, Ark., couples under the age of 17 may marry, but only with parental consent. And if they are 15 and under, they may marry only if they are expecting a child -- or are already the parents of a baby. In either case, parental consent is needed, and if they already have had their baby, they must also provide the birth certificate.

Also -- it is NOT TRUE that "any lie" on a marriage certificate makes it null and void! It is understood that any fact used by consenting persons at the time a standard marriage license is issued (even if incorrect) does not automatically void the marriage license.

DEAR ABBY: My father died when I was 4, and my mother remarried.

When I was 13, my mother died, leaving my brother and me to live with our alcoholic stepfather. This is a man for whom I have no love or respect -- only sympathy. He abused me mentally and also physically, so I moved out when I was 18.

Now I am making out my wedding invitation list. Do I have to invite him? I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I am afraid of how he will act and what he may say to other guests. My stepfather and I haven't spoken in years. He makes no effort, and the farther I stay away from him, the happier I am.

Please help me out. I want to do the right thing, but I don't want him to spoil my wedding day. -- WHAT TO DO

DEAR WHAT TO DO: You answered your own question when you wrote: "The farther I stay away from him, the happier I am," and signed off with, "I don't want him to spoil my wedding day."

Now, give yourself a wedding gift and don't risk inviting anyone who may spoil your wedding day.

Hot off the press -- Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Ellen," whose 75-year-old friend was out $4,000 (her credit cards were stolen and she was duped by a phone call into not reporting it), and anyone else who has in their possession even one credit card: READ YOUR CREDIT AGREEMENT!

Your maximum liability for unauthorized use is $50 per credit card. Prompt reporting also helps, as you cannot be charged for any purchases made with that card after you have notified the card issuer. That could mean even less than $50.

The sob stories about people who have lost "thousands," with all due respect to this elderly woman, make me ill. Was she carrying 80 cards? Otherwise, her liability could nowhere approach $4,000. More likely, she just didn't know her rights and responsibilities. And shame on Ellen for merely reporting her plight instead of finding out what her friend's rights were.

Also, those other "wonderful" folks who offer (for a sizable fee) to keep records of all your credit cards and notify the issuer if the cards are lost or stolen are a rip-off. You can do the same thing yourself for nothing if you'll just keep a record of each card number and the telephone number to call in the event of loss, etc. The numbers are usually toll-free and are printed on your credit agreement and on the card itself. Just make sure you write it down and file it, because you won't have the card to refer to after it's stolen. -- HOME ECONOMIST IN WOODRIDGE, ILL.

DEAR HOME ECONOMIST: I'm sure the woman who unnecessarily paid out $4,000 because she did not know her rights/responsibilities would have been grateful to have had your reminder at the time.

But credit card registries perform a real service for people who are not as well-organized as you -- and might be too shaken by their loss to think clearly. For a small annual fee, one telephone call is all a person has to make. And for some, that can be very reassuring.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had the pleasure of attending two lovely church weddings recently. We arrived early to ensure getting aisle seats so we could get a clear view of the bride and wedding procession as they came down the aisle. (You can probably guess my question at this point.)

A few minutes before the ceremony was to begin, the usher brought some late arrivers to our row and we were then forced to move down to the middle of the pew. How rude! Abby, please inform the young or ignorant for me what is proper and courteous. I have looked in your wedding booklet and cannot find the proper way to handle this. -- M.L.B. IN MIDLOTHIAN, VA.

DEAR M.L.B.: When an usher asks you to "move down, please," tell him (or her) politely and quietly that you arrived early to get an aisle seat, thank you. Then stand up and allow the latecomers to walk past you to the middle -- or end -- of the pew.

DEAR ABBY: I have a son who is just 2 years old. "Owen" is a very shy child and he isn't talking yet -- except for a few words. My problem is my friends and relatives. They are constantly telling me that something is wrong with Owen because he doesn't talk yet. They imply that he is a slow learner or he must have a hearing problem. Owen's doctor says there is nothing wrong with his hearing, and he isn't any slower at learning than the average 2-year-old. Abby, this has caused me many sleepless nights.

What should I say to these people who insist that Owen isn't normal? -- OWEN'S MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: Tell them that Owen's doctor has said there is nothing wrong with Owen's hearing, and his learning ability is normal for a 2-year-old -- and the doctor's professional opinion is the one you value most.

Most teen-agers do not know the facts about drugs, AIDS and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It's all in Abby's new, updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)