DEAR ABBY: This is in regard to the recently published letter from "Tired in Utah" -- the lady who proposes to harass her over-60 husband with saltpeter to cool his sexual desires.

Your answer made it clear that this idea isn't too swift. Maybe you should follow Jimmy Durante's advice: "If you can't raise the bridge, lower the river."

A well-stocked health food store will have a vitamin called "Womanpower" -- composed primarily of yohimbine, an aphrodisiac made from the ground bark of the African yohimbe tree. It is reputed to be quite effective and might possibly rev up her sexual motor to the same speed as that of her underprivileged husband. The Womanpower label cautions that it should not be consumed along with alcohol. -- MALE YOHIMBINE FAN IN JACKSON, TENN.

DEAR FAN: I checked out "yohimbine" in my Random House dictionary and found it to be exactly as you described it -- an aphrodisiac made from the ground bark of the yohimbe tree.

Now, a word about aphrodisiacs: If you sincerely believe that they will enhance your sexual desires -- they might.

DEAR ABBY: My problem concerns Christmas gift-giving to my children and/or grandchildren. Their circumstances are not alike, and I want to be fair.

One daughter is divorced with one child.

One daughter is married with no children.

One daughter and her husband have two children.

My question is -- should I allot a certain amount of money for each individual, or each family unit? And should the fact that one daughter has less than the others enter into the picture? Is there a fair solution? -- CONCERNED IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONCERNED: Spend approximately the same amount on each of your children and on each of your grandchildren. For those whose need is greater, give whatever you wish during the year -- but for no special occasion.

DEAR ABBY: I've waited almost a year after my mother died to write this letter. I am one of five children, and obviously the only one who even cares if the date gets put on our mother's tombstone.

Is there a polite way of mentioning this to my brothers and sisters? I make minimum wage and can't afford to do this myself or I would. Any advice would be helpful. -- NO NAME, CITY OR STATE

DEAR NO NAME: Try this: "Will you all kindly contribute your fair share in order to have the date engraved on Mother's tombstone? There are five of us, and even though none of us is rich, it's shameful that Mother's tombstone is as barren of identification as that of the unknown soldier."

Then list the engraving costs.

What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is my first letter to you, although I have been reading your column for many years. I need an outside opinion.

I am a grandmother in my 70s and have just returned from visiting my daughter, her husband and their three darling children -- all under the age of 5 -- and I'm upset with some of their parenting methods. For example:

They lock the doors to their children's bedrooms at night because "the children might get out of their beds and roam around the house and we may not hear them."

If one child deserves punishment, all three are punished. And if one child says a naughty word, all three are given hot sauce in the mouth.

Abby, I know these parents love their children very much, but are these methods of disciplining them wise? Please understand, it is not my intention to interfere. -- GRAM

DEAR GRAM: Children's bedroom doors should not be locked. Should a flash fire occur, it would be a nightmare.

Punishing all the children when only one has earned the punishment is a good way to make siblings grow up to hate each other.

Children who use "naughty" words should not be punished with hot sauce in the mouth -- they should be taught the proper and acceptable word to use instead of the "naughty" word.

DEAR ABBY: I had to write in response to "A Very Disappointed Trampoline Owner" who was upset because he had to buy more insurance to cover himself if he was sued by neighbors whose kids sneaked into his yard and jumped on his trampoline.

You suggested he build a fence and put a lock on it so children couldn't use the trampoline unless they were supervised.

Abby, if "Disappointed" wanted to give his children a fun toy, he may as well have given them a chain saw, because a trampoline is no less dangerous. Supervision doesn't ensure safety.

My sister is a quadriplegic today because of a trampoline mishap she had years ago. She was a trained college gymnast who had spotters watching her when she did a back flip on the trampoline and broke her neck! She never left the trampoline, or hit the sides.

"Disappointed" is afraid an unsupervised child will get hurt and sue him. What happens if his own children get hurt? There will be no one to blame but himself. If he really loves his children, he'll get rid of the trampoline. You may use my name. -- JENIFER WOETZEL, WELCH, MINN.

DEAR JENIFER: I am genuinely sorry about your sister's tragic accident. Because you cared enough to write, millions of readers are now alerted to the potential hazard of trampolines.

To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a first-time writer, and it's about time! In November 1983, you ran a letter in the San Diego Union about the International Soundex Reunion Registry. It gave me the information I needed to locate my birth mother. She had already registered when I was an infant -- wondering if I would even be told that I was adopted.

As it turned out, I was raised by wonderful parents who told me (and my two adopted brothers) as much about our adoption as was appropriate at different stages in our lives. We grew up knowing that our biological mothers (as Mom called them) wanted more for us than they thought they could have provided.

Although my parents never encouraged any of us to search for our birth parents, I was always curious to know about my "roots."

I won't ramble on about our reunion, but suffice it to say, it was terrific! My birth mother and I are good friends -- but not best friends; that position is reserved for my adopted mom.

Abby, thank you for the best birthday present I could have asked for. I met my birth mother shortly after my 24th birthday. My closing thoughts are for adoptive parents and those considering adoption: Tell your children about their adoption from the time they are tiny. Read them stories about it -- tell them that another lady carried them in her tummy, but wasn't able to care for them. Tell them what you're comfortable with, but never lie to them or hide the adoption.

Children who grow up knowing about their adoptions are just as balanced and happy as other kids -- and there's no worrying about their finding out "later." Also, present the birth mother in a positive light so the child never feels "dumped," or like secondhand stock.

Thank you once again, Abby! -- LORI KAY DAY IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR LORI: Thank you for writing. Your letter made my day. Biological parents can register with International Soundex Reunion Registry, P.O. Box 2312, Carson City, Nev. 89702. Adopted children may also register -- and when the children become of legal age, if both parties are registered and want to find each other, a match is made. Send a long, stamped, self-addressed envelope to the above registry, requesting Soundex forms.

I have dealt with the people at the registry for many years and have found them to be efficient, honest, and in total agreement with my feelings that neither the identity of the birth parents nor the adopted child shall be disclosed unless both parties are agreeable to a reunion.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is for the Schmucks of Ormand Beach, Fla.

I am in my 60s, and all my life my parents called me a "schmuck" when I did something foolish. And when my own children didn't behave, I would say, "Don't be a schmuck!"

Last October, we went to Germany to visit some relatives. I saw a building there with a sign that said "SCHMUCKS" so I asked my cousin what it meant, and she said "jewels." Imagine my surprise! All this time, I had been calling my children "jewels" when I really had something else in mind.

I am signing my real name, which I am told means "dam" in German. You can probably guess the fun the Germans had with that name! -- MILLIE WEIR IN ANAHEIM, CALIF.

Worth clipping (from "Forbes Magazine"): "Love is what happens to a man and a woman who don't know each other." Somerset Maugham

Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)