DEAR ABBY: I found this "Horse's Prayer" in my late husband's desk in 1991, the year he died. He loved horses and took very good care of them.

My husband was a farmer and a dedicated man who took pride in his work. He unloaded horses and cattle for the Southern Pacific Co. for 25 years. -- CATHERINE E. LANFRANCO, FRESNO, CALIF.

DEAR CATHERINE: Thank you for sharing it. I know many of my readers who love horses will relate to it.

A HORSE'S PRAYER

Feed me, water me and care for me. And when my day's work is done, provide me with shelter, a clean, dry bed, and a stall wide enough for me to lie down in comfort.

Talk to me. Your voice often means as much to me as the reins.

Pet me sometimes, that I may serve you the more gladly and learn to love you.

Do not jerk the reins and do not whip me when going uphill.

Never strike, beat or kick me when I do not understand what you mean, but give me a chance to understand.

Watch me, and if I fail to do your bidding, see if something is wrong with my harness or feet. Examine my teeth when I do not eat. I may have an ulcerated tooth that is very painful.

Do not tie my head in an unnatural position, or take away my best defense against flies by cutting off my tail. (I don't take away YOUR mosquito curtains.)

Don't smoke in my barn or leave me tied up overnight and perhaps burn me to death while you are sleeping in your comfortable bed.

And last, my master: When my strength is gone, do not turn me out in a pasture with no shelter and let me freeze to death, or sell me to some cruel owner to be slowly starved or worked to death, but take my life in the kindest way, and your God will reward you -- hereafter. -- AUTHOR UNKNOWN

DEAR ABBY: My mother has plenty of money. In fact, she's obsessed with it. We keep telling her to spend it and enjoy life, but she doesn't listen. It's like money is her god.

The topper came on my daughter's birthday. My mother sent her a card with nothing in it! I never thought she'd be so tight she'd deprive her grandchild. Believe me, $10 wouldn't have hurt her at all.

Since talking to her only makes her angry, if you print this letter, maybe she'll see it, recognize herself and wise up. -- UPSET IN DULUTH

DEAR UPSET: Please keep in mind that no one is obligated to give birthday gifts. Gifts are voluntary. Many grandparents cease giving gifts when children fail to send thank-you notes.

DEAR ABBY: Whatever you say, I promised my sister I'd do.

My boyfriend, "Chuck," has been married three times and has children from all three marriages. Chuck told me he had married young the first time and just made "bad" choices the other two times.

Before I get in any deeper with Chuck, my sister suggested I call his ex-wives and get their side of the story. She also heard that he'd been engaged before. My sister says Chuck is bad news. I believe he is just the romantic type who jumped into these marriages after whirlwind romances with what turned out to be crazy women. What do you think? -- BEING CAREFUL

DEAR BEING CAREFUL: Listen to your sister and chuck Chuck. Her advice is right on target.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, a few of your readers shared the effects of their allergies. Unfortunately, an estimated 60 million Americans suffer from some type of allergy, including hay fever, eczema, hives, contact dermatitis, and allergies to foods such as eggs, milk, nuts and seafood.

People with allergies have super-sensitive immune systems that react to seemingly harmless substances. The most common of these include plant pollen, dust mites, cockroaches, stinging insects, animal dander, mold and mildew. Multiple sensitivities are common, and many people with allergies are also sensitive to irritants -- tiny airborne particles that irritate the nose, eyes and lungs. Common irritants include strong fumes from perfume, cleaning fluids, wood smoke and cigarette smoke.

Many people are unaware of the link between allergies and asthma, which is a serious and sometimes life-threatening disease. In approximately 70 percent of the 13 million Americans with asthma, allergy is the primary trigger. The asthma death-rate in the United States is more than 5,000 per year, and growing -- especially in urban communities and among children and the elderly.

Asthma is characterized by an inflammation and/or an obstruction of the airways. Symptoms vary, and may include coughing, wheezing, shortness of breath, chest tightness or excessive mucus. In addition to allergies, asthma can be triggered by respiratory infections, exercise and dry, cold air.

The fact that asthma and allergies are so common causes their impact to be overlooked or trivialized. If you suspect you have asthma or allergies, see a doctor for a proper diagnosis. You can help your doctor by keeping a diary of your symptoms and the circumstances when reactions occurred. Your doctor can conduct tests that may confirm your suspicions. Asthma and allergies can be controlled by eliminating allergens at home, work and school, and by strictly adhering to a medical treatment plan that may include regular medication. -- DAWN MARVIN, ASTHMA AND ALLERGY FOUNDATION OF AMERICA

DEAR DAWN: Thank you for an important letter and for pointing out the seriousness of allergies and asthma. Readers, lest you think that Ms. Marvin is overstating her case, read on for a letter I recently received:

DEAR ABBY: About three months ago, "Barbara," a special friend of mine, went into a coma. A week later, she was declared brain-dead. She died on Nov. 13, 1995.

Many people have asked me if she died in a car accident. The truth is, she had an asthma attack. Yes, asthma! Other than having asthma, Barbara was a healthy 19-year-old woman. Not many people, including myself, realized that asthma is a serious disease.

However, some good came from Barbara's death. All of her organs were donated, so other people were given a chance at life. Consequently, Barbara will live on.

Abby, please tell me where I can get more information on this potentially deadly disease. -- HER GRIEVING FRIEND IN GERMANY

DEAR GRIEVING FRIEND: Your letter will surely be an eye-opener for many of my readers, as it was for me.

To obtain a free packet of information about allergies and asthma, contact the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America, 1125 15th St. N.W., No. 502, Washington, D.C. 20005, or call the toll-free information line: 1-800-7-ASTHMA (727-8462). (Please allow three to five weeks for delivery.)

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I lost my mother several months ago after a lengthy illness. She and Dad had a beautiful marriage that spanned almost 50 years. I never heard them say an angry word to each other.

While sorting through some of Mother's papers, I came across the enclosed "Rules for a Happy Marriage." I don't know where she got it or how long she had it, but the list contains some excellent advice. I hope you'll think it's worth sharing with your readers. -- MARLENE'S DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: I do. Thank you for sending it.

RULES FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE

1. Never both be angry at the same time.

2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.

3. If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate.

4. If you must criticize, do it lovingly.

5. Never bring up mistakes of the past.

6. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.

7. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.

8. At least once every day say a kind or complimentary word to your life partner.

9. When you have done something wrong, admit it and ask for forgiveness.

10. It takes two to make a quarrel, and the one in the wrong usually is the one who does the most talking.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, our 4-year-old daughter, "Betsy," and I went to my in-laws' for dinner recently. Within 30 minutes of our arrival, my mother-in-law had called her husband "stupid" and "dummy." Everyone heard it, including Betsy. Now, she uses those words when speaking of her grandfather.

My wife tolerates her mother's behavior, but I find it humiliating to witness. At home I am able to discipline Betsy, but I don't want to have to discipline her when she's at her grandmother's.

I have mentioned this to my in-laws on several occasions, but the situation recurs. We live only a few blocks from them and frequently eat together. Should we sell our house and move 10 or 20 miles away? -- A FATHER IN TACOMA

DEAR FATHER: Moving should not be necessary. Talk to your mother-in-law again, and make it clear that her name-calling sets a very bad example for her grandchild. If your suggestion falls on deaf ears and she continues the name-calling, just limit your daughter's exposure to her grandmother.

DEAR READERS: Concerning finding a mate: Friends of Edna Ferber, Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist, could not understand why she had remained single over the years.

"Surely, you must have met someone you would have married," suggested a friend.

"I have," admitted the famed novelist, "and I met one man who would have married me ... but unfortunately it wasn't the same man."

HIGHWAY SNOBBERY: "In Boston, they ask, 'How much does he know?' In New York, they ask, 'How much is he worth?' In Philadelphia, they ask, 'Who were his parents?'" -- MARK TWAIN

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

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