DEAR ABBY: You wrote that you know of no one who actually enjoys transacting business with a computer.

Well, you do now; I am one.

Maybe it's a sign of my generation (I'm 26), but I think automated telephone systems are fun. If I had a choice between getting a person or a computer to take care of my business, I'd choose the computer every time. It's very efficient, and I don't have to worry about being put on "hold" or dealing with a rude customer service representative.

I realize that not everyone can adapt to this type of technological leap, but I appreciate getting lots of information without saying a word. However, I think businesses need to accommodate customers who prefer to talk with a real person. Sign this ... PRESS 5 TO REPEAT

DEAR PRESS 5: Perhaps it's generational, but I confess that I am among those who become confused when I hear prerecorded instructions. However, more people wrote favoring automated systems than knocking them. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have a couple of thoughts after reading "Frustrated Fran"'s letter about automated answering systems. Automated systems are, admittedly, far more economical than employing a slew of live operators full time.

There are two ways companies can relieve the frustration of voice mail. The first is used by many firms who offer the caller the opportunity to speak to a live operator by pressing "0" if he/she cannot figure out how to get a satisfactory result from the menu options.

The second solution is one I have encountered less often, but is a real help. The recording gives an estimate of how long it will be before callers get through to the party or extension they seek. This provides the option of hanging up and calling again if the wait is longer than desired.

By utilizing either of these options, a company can markedly reduce the frustration that sometimes results from an encounter with a computer. I hope that corporate America will take this to heart. -- BURKE BELKNAP, OCEANSIDE, CALIF.

DEAR BURKE: At the risk of appearing cynical, let's not hold our breath until corporate America feels it deeply enough in the pocketbook to take it to heart.

DEAR ABBY: You recently printed a letter from an older woman who still regretted her long-lost romance, and correctly signed it "Stupid in California."

She should have been advised: "Things usually turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out."

Also remember, "You may not be able to turn back the clock, but you can always wind it up again." -- BILL STAUN, CINCINNATI

YOUR CHUCKLE FOR THE DAY:

There is one fault that I must find

With the 20th century,

And I'll put it in a couple of words:

Too adventury.

What I'd like would be some nice full monotony

If anyone's gotony.

-- OGDEN NASH (1902-1971)

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My father has lived with a lady for several years, but he will not marry her because of her weight. (Of course, he has not told her this.)

She is not fat, but she is a little overweight, a size 12 to 14. When we ask Dad why he hasn't proposed yet, he just says, "She's on a diet right now, and as soon as she loses some weight and stays slim for a while, I'll see about it."

Should I tell her she's wasting her time with my dad? It seems to me that he's just waiting for something better to come along. She cooks, cleans house, washes his clothes, everything. I feel he is just using her. He says he "loves" her.

I think if he loves her, he should marry her. What is your opinion? -- A SOUTHERNER

DEAR SOUTHERNER: It is not your place to tell the lady anything. When your father asks for your opinion -- and not until then -- give it to him with both barrels.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mom looking for a job. Recently I was called for an interview, and it seemed to go very well, as I was called back for a second interview.

The prospective employer told me he would call me next week with a decision. Abby, I waited a whole week without any word, so I decided to call them back. I left a message, and again no response.

Abby, if someone is called in for an interview, wouldn't it be simple, common courtesy for the interviewer to take a few minutes to say, yes, no, or thank you? -- SNUBBED, BRAMPTON, ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR SNUBBED: Yours is a question that I have been asked several times.

Of course you should have been called back (as promised) and told that you did not get the job, so you could feel free to continue your job search.

DEAR ABBY: My personal frustration with today's impersonal communications systems led me to write the enclosed poem. It was printed in my local newspaper, and is also posted in the library. It gets lots of laughs -- and is yours to print if you see fit. -- RAE LUDWIG, PLEASANTVILLE, N.J.

DEAR RAE: It's a hoot -- and well worth sharing.

DIAL 'F' FOR FRUSTRATION

The frustrating non-communication of today's fax, e-mail and telephone systems leads me to peer into the future:

You have reached your doctor.

If it's your head, press 1 NOW.

If it's your stomach, press 2 NOW.

If it's your heart, press 3 NOW.

If you've died while waiting, press 4 NOW

and the morgue will be over to pick you up.

DEAR READERS: Here's a thought-provoking quote from the late -- and great -- author, John Steinbeck: "We give the president more work than a man can do, more responsibility than a man should take, more pressure than a man can bear. We abuse him often, and rarely praise him. We wear him out, use him up, eat him up. And with all this, Americans have a love for the president that goes beyond party loyalty or nationality; he is ours, and we exercise the right to destroy him."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Where have all the smart Hollywood producers gone? Is sex all they are able to write about? It's disgusting!

I grew up in the '70s and am far from a prude, but why is it so difficult to find a clean television show these days?

They say that sex sells. If that's true, why is "Home Improvement" so popular? It's consistently one of the top-rated shows. If I want to see raw sex, I'll rent a movie or a video. Give me a break! And while I'm at it, violence is something else I can live without. Isn't it scary enough to see someone getting shot? Do they need to show someone's head blown off?

Thanks for letting me speak up. -- HAD ENOUGH IN WATERLOO, N.Y.

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: I've also had enough -- and "Home Improvement" happens to be one of my favorites, too.

On Feb. 29 in Washington, a group of network executives promised to begin rating television programs by the end of this year. It will be interesting to see if this voluntary rating system leads to any reduction of sex and violence on TV.

DEAR ABBY: Your recent column on the subject of children showering with their parents struck a nerve with me because my daughter-in-law often suggests that my son shower with their 3-year-old daughter "to save time." This is a big "no-no" with me.

One time when I was at their home, my son was going to take his daughter into the shower with him. (Her mother was not home.) I spoke up and said, "That child is too old to be showering with you; I'll bathe her in the other bathroom." He acquiesced.

Abby, they also allow this child to sleep with them on occasion. Another "no-no" in my book. I was brought up to respect privacy; the parents' bedroom should be strictly for the parents.

This couple is in their 40s, so they are old enough to know better. Both are professional people.

I remain concerned about this situation. I try to be a good mother-in-law and don't want to cause any trouble, so I usually keep my mouth shut. Perhaps a few words in your column about this subject will get through to them. -- OLD-FASHIONED GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: You are not old-fashioned -- I agree with you. A 3-year-old child should not shower or bathe with a parent of the opposite sex, and should sleep in his/her own bed. A little snuggling for a few minutes while telling a bedtime story is OK, but parents should not make a habit of allowing their children to sleep with them.

DEAR ABBY: Your recent suggestion of giving a fire extinguisher as a gift to newlyweds was excellent.

Many people (myself included) put the fire extinguisher in a cabinet directly over the stove to have it handy. This is the worst possible place if a fire starts in or on the stove, since you may not be able to get to the fire extinguisher because of the flames.

This was pointed out by a local fireman at a lecture on fire safety. Of those present at the lecture, the majority who had an extinguisher in the kitchen had it over the stove. -- MARY G. BOURQUE, LAKEVILLE, MASS.

DEAR MARY: Excuse me, I'm going to my kitchen to see where the fire extinguisher is. ...

... I'm back, and sure enough, it was right over the stove, so I moved it to the opposite corner of the kitchen

Thank you for a valuable suggestion to share with my readers.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)