DEAR ABBY: For our 33rd wedding anniversary, my husband took me to see "Miss Saigon" at Cincinnati's new Aronoff Center. We had wonderful seats for this spectacular play; however, it was totally ruined by a very inconsiderate 60ish man who was seated directly behind me. He coughed incessantly during the entire performance.

There were times when I felt my hair blowing from the force of his cough! He seemed oblivious to the fact that he was annoying anyone, never bothering to cover his mouth, or take a cough drop, or perhaps get up and leave.

Abby, he was not alone; he had a nicely groomed woman with him who could have at least nudged him or told him to cover his mouth.

When telling my daughter about this, she suggested that from now on I carry cough drops to offer people who do this, thus conveying the message that their coughing is very annoying.

Abby, what's your opinion on handling such a situation? I came very close to saying something, but I didn't want to stoop to his level of rudeness. -- SALLY IN CINCINNATI

DEAR SALLY: No one would deliberately cough under these circumstances, but since this gentleman (?) seated behind you made no effort to cover his mouth and had coughed so violently you felt your hair blowing, you would have been justified in turning around and asking him politely to please cover his mouth when he coughed.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 42-year-old man who has been divorced for four years. I have a 13-year-old daughter I'll call "Suzie." Since my divorce, it's been Suzie and me and no one else.

About eight months ago I met "Jill" -- a terrific lady with whom I'm very much in love. I never thought two people could have so much in common.

My problem: Whenever Jill and I make plans to go to dinner at a friend's house, Suzie expects to be right there between us. This was fine the first few times, but now it has become a problem. Suzie was supposed to stay with her mother during Easter vacation, but within 36 hours she was standing at my doorstep ready to come home. (She used to love going to her mother's.)

I have sat down with my daughter and told her I love her very much, and she'll always be important to me -- but Jill and I need and want some time to ourselves. It hasn't worked. If I exclude Suzie she cries, calls us names and throws a fit. It has reached the point where we have to sneak around and lie in order to be alone.

How long must we endure this? I plan on spending my life with Jill. So far, she's been very understanding. What should I do? -- SUZIE'S DAD

DEAR DAD: Your problem stems from the extended period when it was you and Suzie and no one else. And you are expecting your child to reason like an adult, while she is fighting for her most precious possession -- her daddy.

You have two choices: Be firm with your daughter and assert yourselves as adults who need time and space for yourselves and refuse to be swayed by the tantrums. Or be prepared to wait until your daughter is ready for college or a life of her own before taking your relationship with Jill to another level.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am concerned about the mothers who are released so quickly from the hospital after childbirth -- often as soon as 24 hours after delivery.

My daughter just had her first baby, and after a difficult delivery and complications, they sent her home after three days. Once she was home, she had to tend her infant, breast-feed every two hours, take a sitz bath every four hours and sleep when possible. Well-meaning friends and relatives who wanted to see the baby rang her phone and doorbell constantly.

When I had my babies 20 years ago, we had four- or five-day hospital stays, and these stays provided something we don't have today -- controlled visiting hours. Guests could come, see the baby, give you a few hugs and go home. Now, the new mom has to answer the door and telephone and entertain people who were not considerate enough to phone and ask if Mom wanted company.

Some friends and relatives were more considerate. They called ahead, brought food, ran errands, and sent notes and gifts.

The first couple of weeks are usually hectic for new moms, so Abby, please tell these well-meaning people to never "drop in" to see the new baby. Call ahead to see how things are going, and if you set up a time for a visit, please be on time. -- CONCERNED GRANDMOTHER

DEAR GRANDMOTHER: Thank you for a valuable letter. And may I add when you visit a new mother, please don't stay too long. Some folks feel that because they had to drive an hour there and an hour back, they are entitled to stay for at least three hours.

DEAR ABBY: I travel frequently, both as part of my job and for pleasure. I have stayed in many really nice motels and hotels and have yet to figure out one thing I have found to be very annoying. Why do the housekeepers tuck in the sides of the top sheet and blanket?

If I'm staying at a hotel, the last thing I want to do is remake my bed -- and when I turn the bed down, both the top and bottom sheets come out. This is infuriating.

I have told the staff at the checkout desk, and they look at me like I'm a bit daft. I'd appreciate it if you would publish this with an answer, if you can get one. -- RUTH ANNE YOUNG, JONESBORO, ILL.

DEAR RUTH ANNE: Any traveler who has ever had to tear a bed apart in order to get into it will understand your fury.

According to a spokesperson for the Peninsula Beverly Hills Hotel, the "old school" of thought is that tucking in the top sheet and blanket projects an image of neatness and cleanliness. In many upscale hotels, however, "turndown service" is provided -- which includes not only removing the spread and turning down the bed, but chocolate on the pillow, closing the drapes, dimming the lights and replenishing the towels.

WORDS OF WISDOM: "He that has a trade has an office of profit and honor. A plowman on his legs is higher than a gentleman on his knees." -- BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: What has happened to communication in America? When I write to someone, I discuss what is going on in my life, inquire about the health, happiness, and what is going on in the lives of mutual friends. I generally try to carry on a written conversation that will delight the reader.

If I receive a reply, it is usually on a scrap of paper, or written to be mailed to 20 other people, and starts out, "Hi, just a short note to keep in touch ..."

Maybe they should just say, "Hi, just a short note to say I can't be bothered to formulate a real letter. I am too lazy, illiterate, insensitive, or all of the above."

Abby, are people's lives so shallow they have nothing to say? Or are they so busy that they have nothing to give of themselves in simple written language?

Is it possible in this modern age that communication has been disconnected or is no longer in service? -- KYLE

DEAR KYLE: The sample letter you offered is better than nothing (almost). The most I can say for it is: The recipient will know that the writer is still among the living.

In my view, it's not a matter of communication "no longer in service"; it's just different. Times have changed and people are busier now. Short notes, form letters, faxes or quick phone calls are time-savers. And for those into computers, electronic communication is the "in" thing.

DEAR ABBY: I am having a disagreement with a friend and we have decided to let you be the judge. If a couple is engaged to be married, and the woman decides to end the engagement, should she return the engagement ring? -- B.A. HEITKAMP, CINCINNATI

DEAR B.A.: The ring goes back. When a woman accepts an engagement ring, she is also making a promise to marry the man who gave it to her. If she changes her mind, the ring should be returned. Occasionally, when the man breaks the engagement, he may offer to let the woman keep the ring, but he is not obligated to do so. Easy rule: The ring belongs to the person who paid for it, until the marriage has taken place.

DEAR ABBY: I had to chuckle when I heard your comment about "sex" on the first date. (You had misheard the question on the "Larry King Live" show.)

I had an experience in my younger days with a girl I wasn't particularly enamored with.

When I asked her for a kiss on our first date, she said, "No, not on our first date!"

I answered quickly, "Well, how about on the last date?" -- PHIL FROM JERSEY

DEAR ABBY: In response to the letter you had some time ago about sleeping in the nude:

In the late '40s, I worked for Dr. Karl Menninger at the well-known clinic in Topeka, Kan.

He always recommended sleeping in an extra-large gown or nothing. His theory was that tight nightwear (pajamas included) tends to nudge one's nerves, making for a restless night.

My husband always said, "Nightgowns should be on the floor near the bed in case of fire." We have been married for 46 years. -- MRS. ROSE SPICER, REELSVILLE, IND.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)