DEAR ABBY: Our parents are Vivian and Orlin Rongstad. Last fall, we started thinking about their 50th wedding anniversary. They made it clear they had no interest in a big celebration.

My sister and I remembered a letter we saw in your column about a woman turning 80, whose daughter arranged a mail campaign to friends requesting they send a note with a recollection instead of a gift. So we went to work.

Unbeknownst to our parents, we poked through their two address books and mailed 136 letters to relatives and friends, from California to Norway. (They live in Wisconsin.) We requested the greatest gift of all -- sharing a memory! We had no clue what the response would be.

It was an unbelievable success. Their anniversary was Feb. 9. From Feb. 5 through Feb. 27, they received 166 cards and letters in the mail, with the majority sharing a memory. Our parents were surprised and delighted with their overflowing mailbox of pleasant remembrances. It truly was the greatest gift we could have given them. Dad said, "A party would have been over in four hours, but this lasted three weeks!"

Thank you, Abby, for the idea. We provided a joyous celebration for our parents without having an organized party. -- PROUD DAUGHTERS KAY IN ILLINOIS AND CAROL IN WISCONSIN

DEAR PROUD DAUGHTERS: My belated congratulations to your parents on the occasion of their 50th anniversary. I'm pleased to learn it brought them so much pleasure.

Many adult children ask how to plan celebrations for parents who are adamant about not collecting more "things" at this stage of their lives.

They ask, "How can we let guests know that our parents do not want gifts?" In past columns, I have offered the following solution:

"The children of Iver and Helen Dahl invite you to celebrate with them the 50th wedding anniversary of their parents. A reception will be held May 7, at 2 p.m., at the Elmhurst Country Club.

"We request your help in compiling a book that recalls memories from our parents' first 50 years of marriage. On the enclosed sheet, we ask that you write one memory or experience that you have shared with them, and return it to us by April 26. We believe that the loving memories they have shared with you, their friends, would be the most treasured gift they could receive; therefore, we request that no other gift be sent."

DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from "Confused and Hurting," the 44-year-old divorcee who fell into bed with a 50-year-old man on their first date. After two months of "getting together" every night, he suggested that they end their relationship and just be friends.

What "C and H" needs is a big reality adjustment. She willingly feeds her romantic fantasies about being so special and good to this man she's "in love with" that he couldn't help but love her in return and leave his empty but financially comfortable marriage for her. The fact is, this philanderer made it clear he didn't intend to have anything but an affair and that she was a temporary fix.

At 44, this woman is overdue to grow up. If she would give up her fantasy life and spend her time and effort developing some self-esteem, predatory men would avoid her and decent men would take notice. Change may be painful, but it is worth it. She should seek professional help, if necessary. This from ... THE VOICE OF EXPERIENCE

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a wonderful man for three months. He takes me out to dinner, to the movies, shopping, etc. He is in his early 40s and I am in my early 30s. He is everything I have ever wanted in a man, and I really care for him.

However, there are a few problems that I don't know how to handle. For one thing, he wears the same clothes for three or four days in a row, and after the first day, he tends to smell of perspiration. He says he showers every other day. Also, he doesn't brush his teeth regularly.

We are going to be living together soon and I would like to clear up these problems before we move in together. Please give me some advice on how to tell him, because his feelings are easily hurt. If it weren't for the reasons stated above, he would be perfect.

Also, this is a small town, so please don't print my name, initials or where it came from. He reads your column every day. -- HIS GIRLFRIEND

DEAR GIRLFRIEND: You must tell your sweetheart that you are concerned about him because he doesn't take proper care of himself. Explain that it's imperative that he see his dentist twice a year, and that he brush and floss his teeth twice a day so that his mouth is always "kissing sweet." And point out the importance of showering every morning and in the evening, too, if he goes out that evening. It goes without saying that a well-groomed adult launders or changes his clothes daily.

Once it has been pointed out to him, insist that he follow these suggestions. Living with someone who has poor personal hygiene could be very trying to anyone with a keen sense of smell, and I'm putting this mildly!

DEAR ABBY: With summer coming, this may help people who have swimming pools.

We bought a home with a pool. Each warm day, we came home to a "pool party" -- but not ours. All the neighborhood kids were on our property. We could not keep them out; they climbed over our locked fence.

We got our lawyer to print a "release of responsibility" form. The children had to have it signed and notarized, and could not use the pool without a parent and the signed form each and every time they used the pool.

Needless to say, the parents got tired of watching their own kids, so now we finally have the exclusive use of our pool. -- SAN FRANCISCO READER

DEAR READER: Congratulations. Others could learn from you.

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago -- perhaps three or four -- you printed a brief prayer titled "A Serenity Prayer." Will you kindly print it again? It is one of the wisest prayers I've ever read. -- LONGTIME READER IN HAWAII

DEAR READER: With pleasure:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am currently stationed in Bosnia, and while the conditions here are not pleasant, they are getting more bearable. I am concerned because I received an "Any Soldier"-type Valentine's Day card and the return address was not on it. The child who took the time and effort to send it deserves an answer.

We arrived here about 9:30 p.m. in a fog so thick we had a hard time seeing the road in front of us. While crossing a bridge, my soldiers and I flew the American flag from the mirrors of our vehicle and played "God Bless America" as loudly as my poor little tape player could go. It took about a week before the fog cleared enough to see that we were surrounded by mountains that were capped with snow!

We work pretty hard here. We were given a day to ourselves to do our laundry and clean our gear. It was almost a month before we got to take showers. We did the best we could with bottled water and moist towelettes, living three men in a tent.

Now we have tents with floors and heaters and flush toilets within easy walking distance. There is a convenience store that just opened, but they're having problems getting the basic items like shoe polish and soap.

Abby, no amount of conveniences can compensate for the loneliness we feel here. It's the mail we get from people back home that keeps our spirits alive. Of course, we are surrounded by fellow soldiers, but you can be lonely in a crowd. The letters we get from people who care enough to write warm our hearts while we watch the snow fall on the mud we walk through every day.

To the child who sent the valentine (and the others who wrote), thanks a million -- our thoughts are with you as much as yours are with us. -- DAVID K. BURTON, A SOLDIER IN BOSNIA

DEAR DAVID: Thank you for writing and rest assured that my readers will continue to write to "Any Soldier." May God bless all of you and bring you home to your loved ones safely -- and soon.

For those who may have missed the addresses to write to the military in Bosnia, send letters and parcels (preferably no larger than a shoebox) to: ANY SERVICE MEMBER, OPERATION JOINT ENDEAVOR, APO AE 09397 (for Army, Navy, Air Force and Marine Corps land forces); or ANY SERVICE MEMBER, OPERATION JOINT ENDEAVOR, FPO AE 09398 (for Navy and Marine Corps personnel aboard ship).

DEAR ABBY: Because of our religious beliefs, my husband and I do not drink coffee, tea or alcohol. This causes a problem when it comes to entertaining, and we need some advice.

When we are guests at social gatherings, we are not offended by our friends who enjoy a cup of coffee after dinner, or who drink alcohol. We don't pass judgment on those whose lifestyles differ from our own.

However, we don't know what to do when WE are the hosts. Because we refrain from drinking these beverages for religious reasons, we feel uncomfortable even purchasing them or serving them to guests in our home -- especially when our children are involved. Rather than offend anyone or breach social protocol, we have elected not to entertain or to entertain only those who share our lifestyle or know us very well.

Our approach has been very limiting and we have missed opportunities to socialize with business associates and others whose company we enjoy. Is there a way to resolve this problem without compromising our religious convictions? -- TIRED OF MISSING OUT IN TUCSON

DEAR TIRED: A host can serve anything he or she wishes, and that includes fruit juice, punch, herb tea and non-caffeinated sodas. A well-mannered guest will not make an issue of it.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)