DEAR ABBY: I am very troubled. When I married my second husband, "Fred," he told me he was a virgin, and passed himself off as caring toward women. Then, after our marriage, he mentioned that he used to frequent strip joints. I was upset about it because I'm a feminist, and I feel that visiting strip joints is disrespectful to women.

Two days before I went into labor to deliver our son, Fred told me that out of the five women he had slept with, he ranked me about third. After all, I'm 10 years older than Fred, and I'll never be as physically attractive as a prostitute. Then he said that emotionally he was more attracted to his high school sweetheart.

Abby, this is my second marriage and my third child. My chances of finding romance again are getting slimmer and slimmer.

I'm not ugly; I'm tall, slender and fairly attractive. I can't understand why someone who claims to love me would tell me that I rank lower than a prostitute. I was crushed. It made me feel very undesirable.

I told Fred if he wanted a younger woman, I'd leave and take the baby so he could start over again. He said no, he wanted me.

I find it degrading to live with a man who has been with prostitutes. He could have given me a disease. Am I the only woman who finds men who frequent prostitutes revolting? I can't see myself spending the rest of my life with a man like Fred.

However, he's going to college at my insistence. He says he has changed, and he'll volunteer some time in a women's crisis center to make amends.

Abby, should I stay with Fred or write him off as a bad mistake? -- DEVASTATED IN RENTON, WASH.

DEAR DEVASTATED: If Fred were sincere about making amends, he would offer to join you in marriage counseling instead of putting himself in a position to "help" troubled and vulnerable women in crisis.

Fear that your chances of finding another mate are slim is a poor reason for remaining in an abusive relationship. If I were you, I'd write Fred off as a bad mistake. And since he has told you that he has slept with prostitutes, I urge you to be tested for AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases.

DEAR ABBY: My given name is William. My checks and credit cards are printed "William." My business cards identify me as William, and I introduce myself as William. My problem is, everybody wants to call me Bill, Billy, Willie or Will.

Today I received approximately 20 business phone calls, and at least 18 people, most of whom I've never met, immediately called me Bill. I find this presumptuous.

Abby, why do most people assume it is OK to address everyone named William as Bill? I notice that people named James are usually called Jim or Jimmy, and people named Robert are called Bob or Bobby.

Perhaps if you print this, it will let people know that they should use a person's name as he or she uses it. -- CALL ME WILLIAM

CONFIDENTIAL TO "APPROVES OF CORPORAL PUNISHMENT" IN DETROIT: In the words of Robert Orben, "Never raise your hand to your children -- it leaves your midsection unprotected."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a funeral director in Minneapolis and take part in many processions to cemeteries. It seems that most people are not too concerned about funeral processions. They dart in and out of cars and join the mourners in order to run through red lights.

This letter, however, is to show my appreciation to a couple of individuals who remain fixed in my mind. To the man who pulled over, stopped his car and took off his hat, placing it on his chest -- thank you! You didn't know the family or the young man who had died. You didn't know the 3-year-old daughter who didn't understand all that was going on around her, but you gave her, and other family and friends, a moment of your time.

Thank you, too, to the teen-ager who was hanging out with his friends on the corner as we passed. When you removed your cap and bowed your head, you showed respect and consideration.

Simple acts of kindness like these don't go unnoticed, and they mean so much.

Funeral processions shouldn't be regarded as nuisances that make you late. Take that moment and reflect on your own life, and give that family the same respect you would want for yours. -- DANIEL C. ANDERSON, MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR MR. ANDERSON: Thank you for a wonderful letter. But taking a moment to be considerate should not be limited to special circumstances. Simple courtesies extended to neighbors, co-workers and strangers improve the quality of life for everyone.

DEAR ABBY: I have saved this "Dear Abby" letter since 1979. Please run it one more time for people who insist that "a piece of paper" doesn't mean anything. I am a longtime reader from ... BUFFALO, N.Y.

DEAR LONGTIME READER: I agree. It's worth a second time around:

DEAR ABBY: Many couples who live together without marriage say: "We don't need a piece of paper to make our commitment to each other binding. A piece of paper doesn't mean a thing!"

Wrong! May I point out that when a person buys an automobile, he had better have that "piece of paper" or he could be in a lot of trouble.

Also, a driver's license may be "just a piece of paper," but you'd better not be caught driving without it.

When a person buys a home or any other piece of property, he makes sure he has that "piece of paper."

And when a person graduates from high school, college or trade school, that "piece of paper" can make the difference between getting a job or not getting one.

We live our lives with pieces of paper, beginning with a birth certificate and ending with a death certificate. And let's not forget the will -- another very important piece of paper.

So when I hear people say, "A piece of paper doesn't mean a thing," I'm reminded of the classic adage, "Ignorance is bliss." -- PAPER IS PROOF

CONFIDENTIAL TO NOTHING TO LIVE FOR IN ATLANTA: Live one day at a time. No one ever collapsed under the burdens of a single day; it's when the burdens of tomorrow are added to it that it becomes unbearable.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Today is Mother's Day, and I would like to take this opportunity to extend congratulations and good wishes to my readers as we celebrate this sentimental occasion. I have been asked many times by people whose mothers are no longer living if I know of a special prayer that might be offered to honor the memory of a deceased mother. The one with which I am most familiar is the prayer I found in my Union Home Prayer Book. It is the prayer that Jews recite on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement:

IN MEMORY OF MOTHER

"I remember thee in this solemn hour, my dear mother. I remember the days when thou didst dwell on earth, and thy tender love watched over me like a guardian angel. Thou hast gone from me, but the bond which unites our souls can never be severed; thine image lives within my heart.

"May the merciful Father reward thee for the faithfulness and kindness thou hast ever shown me; may he lift up the light of his countenance upon thee and grant thee eternal peace! Amen."

DEAR ABBY: You recently published a letter I wrote signed "Distraught Middle Child." I told you I didn't know what to do about inviting my brother and sister to my wedding since both had threatened not to come if the other was invited. I thought you and your readers, some of whom were concerned enough to write to you about my problem, might like to know how the story ended:

I took your advice and invited neither "Victor" nor "Sarah" to my wedding. However, at the last minute, complications took the situation out of my hands.

My husband's best friend from college had a sudden emergency and was unable to attend. My husband very much wanted Victor to round out the wedding party. Feeling that I had no other option, I re-invited both Victor and Sarah. Victor accepted immediately, but Sarah snapped, "I'll send you a present!" and hung up on me.

The wedding went beautifully. However, during the reception, the door suddenly burst open and Sarah entered! She walked straight up to our brother, hugged him, and through her tears told him how sorry she was for the way she had treated him for the last three years.

He accepted her apology gracefully; then, he, too, began to cry.

Sarah then begged my forgiveness for missing my wedding, to which my wonderful husband jokingly remarked, "Don't worry, she'll have more; no one can put up with me for very long."

I cannot imagine a wedding present more wonderful than the one I received from my brother and sister. -- NO LONGER DISTRAUGHT

DEAR NO LONGER DISTRAUGHT: Neither can I. Thanks for a delightful upper.

DEAR ABBY: This is for "Dance Dilemma in St. Petersburg, Fla.":

If the father-in-law-to-be is telling the young couple how to run their wedding, what will the future be like?

Come on, Abby. I've married off four children, and they each had a dollar dance following the wedding. It has become a tradition, just like removing the bride's garter and tossing the bouquet.

If millionaire daddy-in-law is embarrassed by the dollar dance, he should make it a $100 dance and throw in a stock option for good measure. -- THERESA IN MUSKEGO, WIS.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)