DEAR READERS: Recently I was asked about President James A. Garfield's "Rules for Living." When I confessed I had not seen them, many of you were kind enough to send them to me.

They were evidently given to a young James A. Garfield by an elderly friend, and Garfield cherished them to the end of his life. So for "A Moment in History," who asked for them, and for all of my readers who will surely enjoy them, here are President James A. Garfield's cherished personal principles:

-- Never be idle.

-- Make few promises.

-- Always speak the truth.

-- Live within your income.

-- Never speak evil of anyone.

-- Keep good company or none.

-- Live up to your engagements.

-- Never play games of chance.

-- Drink no intoxicating drinks.

-- Good character is above everything else.

-- Keep your own secrets if you have any.

-- Never borrow if you can possibly help it.

-- Do not marry until you are able to support a wife.

-- When you speak to a person, look into his eyes.

-- Save when you are young to spend when you are old.

-- Never run into debt unless you see a way out again.

-- Good company and good conversation are the sinews of virtue.

-- Your character cannot be essentially injured except by your own acts.

-- If anybody speaks evil of you, let your life be so that no one believes him.

-- When you retire at night, think over what you have done during the day.

-- If your hands cannot be employed usefully, attend to the culture of your mind.

-- Read the above carefully and thoughtfully at least once a week.

DEAR ABBY: We recently moved to a new city, and our new telephone number once belonged to a doctor's office. (The doctor has moved to the other side of town.) We frequently find phone messages on our answering machine from people attempting to contact this doctor. One man left a message in minute detail about which vertebrae his wife injured while she was dancing. Another individual left three messages in two hours. He was obviously in extreme pain, begging the doctor to call him.

Our new number is also very close to that of a "Jason." Although the greeting on our machine clearly states that Kraig and Lisa live at this number, we often get messages for him, too. His bank called about his savings account; a car dealer called about a new model he thought Jason might like; a few of his friends were in town for the weekend and called about getting together.

We are often tempted to call these people back and tell them they reached the wrong number, but we remind ourselves that we are not someone else's answering service.

For a while, we had a hilarious message -- obviously not that of a doctor's office. Finally, in desperation, we changed our greeting to: "Kraig and Lisa cannot come to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the tone. And by the way, this is not a doctor's office and Jason doesn't live here." That seemed to do the trick! -- KRAIG AND LISA, CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA

DEAR KRAIG AND LISA: Thanks for your letter. As more and more people use telephone answering machines, it is important for callers to listen to the machine's "greeting" to be certain they have reached the right number before leaving a message. Callers could be leaving a message for someone who will never receive it if they have dialed the wrong number. (Press the star key if you comprehend this message.)

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: This moving piece has become something of a Fourth of July tradition:

YOUR FLAG

Hello. Remember me? Some people call me Old Glory, others call me the Star-Spangled Banner, but whatever they call me, I am your flag, the flag of the United States of America.

Something has been bothering me, so I thought I might talk it over with you -- because it is about you and me.

I remember some time ago, people would line up on both sides of the street to watch the parade, and naturally I was leading every one, proudly waving in the breeze.

When your daddy saw me coming, he immediately removed his hat and placed it against his left shoulder so that his hand was directly over his heart -- remember?

And you, I remember, were standing there, straight as a soldier. You didn't have a hat, but you were giving the right salute. Remember your little sister? Not to be outdone, she was saluting the same as you with her right hand over her heart -- remember?

What happened? I'm still the same old flag. Oh, I've added a few more stars since you were a boy, and a lot more blood has been shed since those parades of long ago.

But now, somehow I don't feel as proud as I used to feel. When I come down your street, you just stand there with your hands in your pickets. You may give me a small glance, and then you look away. I see children running around you shouting; they don't seem to know who I am.

I saw one man take his hat off, then he looked around, and when he didn't see anybody else take off his hat, he quickly put his on again.

Is it a sin to be patriotic today? Have you forgotten what I stand for and where I have been? Anzio, Guadalcanal, Korea and Vietnam!

Take a look at the memorial honor rolls and see the names of those patriotic Americans who gave their lives to keep this republic free. When you salute me, you are actually saluting them.

Well, it won't be long until I'll be coming down your street again. So when you see me, please stand straight and place your hand over your heart, and I'll know that you remembered. I'll salute you by waving back! -- PAUL C. GRAHAM

DEAR ABBY: A while back, you answered a woman who wanted to know when it is appropriate to fly the American flag. I thought you would like to see the list from "Flag Code, Directions for Use" that was published by the U.S. Army in 1918:

Feb. 12 .... Lincoln's Birthday

Feb. 22 .... Washington's Birthday

April 19 ... Battle of Lexington

June 14 .... Flag Day

July 4 ..... Independence Day

Oct. 17 .... Saratoga Day

Oct. 19 .... Yorktown Surrender

Nov. 25 .... Evacuation of Yorktown

And long may it wave! -- ELLEN SUE TURNER, SAN ANTONIO

DEAR ELLEN SUE: Thank you for a fascinating bit of history. Since I published in January the "modern list" of dates for flying the flag, readers have pointed out that Martin Luther King Jr. Day and Father's Day were missing -- so I'm adding them now. Happy Fourth of July, everyone.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY WOMB-MATE IN CHICAGO -- We were 12 years old before we realized that all the fireworks and flag-waving were not in honor of our birthday!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When did weddings cease being joyous religious and family celebrations and become media events? A clergyman recently wrote to you asking, "Can you imagine what it's like to officiate at a wedding with a baby screaming at the top of its lungs? Have you ever watched and listened to a video of a wedding with two or three babies crying while the parents make no attempt to quiet them?"

Babies are a part of the family, Abby. I have been in synagogues where babies began crying -- not in distress, but simply because babies make noise -- and I have been embarrassed. Not embarrassed by the babies, but embarrassed by their mothers, who felt it was necessary to take them out so as not to "disturb" the other worshipers. I have followed mothers out of the sanctuary of the synagogue (when I had the privilege of doing so, as a congregant rather than a rabbi) and assured them that their babies, in my opinion, enhanced the worship by their truth, their honesty and sincerity. What is a baby's cry if not a prayer?

As with regular worship services, even more is it true of weddings. Yes, I have officiated at weddings where babies were present and noisy; I have not been disturbed by them, and by acknowledging the delight of the infants, I have kept the wedding party and guests from being disturbed.

One wedding in particular comes to mind, in which a couple who had been married five years earlier in a civil ceremony asked me to preside at a religious ceremony. Their infant daughter was present, held in her grandfather's arms, and she made noise, as a baby will do. The noises of the happy baby disturbed nobody present, and she quickly quieted from the loud noises to gentle cooing when I suggested that she be transferred to her mother's arms. I acknowledged her as a part of the wedding party, and the wedding was immeasurably beautified by her presence.

Exclude babies? God forbid that I should ever do so! Peace and blessings ... RABBI ZEV-HAYYIM FEYER, ATLANTA

DEAR RABBI FEYER: As with most issues, there is more than one opinion. Thank you for stating yours.

DEAR ABBY: The Fourth of July is almost here, and I would like you to remind your readers that it is safer to watch fireworks at a professional display than to use them on their own.

Every year, thousands of Americans -- many of them children -- receive injuries serious enough to require a trip to the hospital. The typical injuries are to the head, face and hands, and many result in blindness and amputations. Even sparklers, often given to young children as toys, burn at temperatures as hot as 1,200 degrees.

Please, Abby, ask your readers to think twice this Fourth of July about needlessly exposing themselves and their children to serious injury. Instead, attend a public display put on by professionals who are trained to safely handle dangerous materials. -- GEORGE D. MILLER, PRESIDENT, NATIONAL FIRE PROTECTION ASSOCIATION, QUINCY, MASS.

DEAR MR. MILLER: Thank you for the reminder. I couldn't have said it better myself. Readers, please take note, and have a safe Fourth of July.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)