DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Available in Maine," who lamented that women disregard him because he is not drop-dead handsome and doesn't drive a Jaguar. He included the ways in which he would show his love if only a woman would see the inner qualities of this mid-30s man with a master's degree.

Although you gave him sympathy, my double-standard alarm went off. Suspicious phrases include: "Is it lovely outside, or is it just you?" and "I'll hide cute little gifts so I can put a smile on your beautiful face." I would be willing to bet serious money that he is not talking about inner beauty.

In my experience, most average-looking women in their mid-30s have long since given up any fantasies of an Adonis in a Jaguar sweeping them off their feet. They are looking for a life partner with whom to share love, respect and the storms of life. I doubt these are the women "Available" has in mind. I would bet that he has his heart set on a beautiful woman 10 years his junior that he can put on a pedestal (or in a trophy case).

I've known several of these men, average-looking males who bemoan their lack of success with their latest obsession -- who is always lovely and always much younger. I've also known many bright, witty and interesting professional women in their 30s and 40s who never have a date because all the men their age are busy pursuing pretty girls in their 20s.

"Available" might do well to examine his own values first. Perhaps he's the one who is passing judgment based on appearance. After all, shallowness knows no gender.

My husband and I are average on the looks scale. I'm 49 and he's 48, and we've been married for four wonderful years. I know what it's like to be in a partnership of equals based on love and respect, and there's nothing better. -- SUSPICIOUS IN WASHINGTON

DEAR ABBY: I disagree with you concerning your response to "Feeling Guilty." You told her you saw no reason to tell her children that their father had been married previously.

My mom had told my brothers and me that she and Dad had eloped and were married by a justice of the peace.

When I was 18, my mother died. While helping Dad sort through her things, I found some pictures of her as a bride in a formal wedding gown. Several aunts and uncles and other family members were in those pictures.

This left me wondering why my three brothers and I had never been told about Mom's first marriage. I was hurt to think she didn't trust me enough to share that part of her life with me.

My grandmother was left to explain my mother's first marriage, and I was left to wonder what else I didn't know about my mother. -- HURT DAUGHTER

DEAR HURT: Although I saw no reason why "Feeling Guilty" should tell her children about their father's first marriage since it was very brief and was annulled by the Catholic Church, I confirmed her option to tell her children when they were old enough to understand what a "divorce" is.

DEAR ABBY: A letter that appeared in your column about baton twirling reminded me of something I witnessed many years ago:

During World War II, I was aboard ship in the South Pacific. One day one of the ship's crew members picked up a section of a broken broom handle and, stepping up on the after cargo hatch, began twirling the stick like a baton. He was absolutely fantastic! I watched spellbound by his artistic expertise. And so did a lot of other men aboard the LST (Landing Ship, Tanks). When he finished his exhibition, the sailors and Marines gave him a standing ovation. His demonstration was not considered effeminate by any of the crew or Marines.

By the way, the Marines were from the 5th Marine Division and we were headed for Iwo Jima! -- MARION E. HUTSON, PORTSMOUTH, VA.

READERS: A little reminder. Today is Friday the 13th. Don't walk under ladders or let a black cat cross your path.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My live-in companion (call her Beth) is having a 55-year class reunion in about a month. We have lived together for eight years, travel together, attend church together, etc.

The trouble is, when she received her information on the reunion, she answered the questionnaire saying her husband was deceased, she was active in church groups, had friends, traveled all the time (last year to Australia, Hawaii and Mexico) -- not once mentioning that she had a companion.

I pay for all her trips and all of her expenses. I feel left out by her failing to mention me. I don't even want to go to the class reunion. Please give me some advice. -- LEFT OUT

DEAR LEFT OUT: Perhaps your companion felt uncomfortable disclosing on a class reunion questionnaire that she is living with and traveling with someone who is not her husband, so try not to take her omission personally. If she wants you to attend her 55-year reunion with her, stop pouting and go -- and you'll both probably have a wonderful time.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you so much for a wonderful idea! Stan and Dell Slack celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary on July 4. Since all of their relatives lived out of state, we felt that a party would be too hard to pull off. We saw a letter in your column from Kay and Carol about their parents' 50th. Nanny and Poppy Slack went on vacation and we "borrowed" their Christmas card list. We loaded all the addresses onto the computer and printed out labels. We chose attractive computer stationery (the American flag for the July 4 date!) for our letter -- and mailed out 70 of them.

We asked everyone to send Nanny and Poppy a memory or experience that they had shared sometime during the last 50 years. Two days before the big day, Nanny called and asked what we did. We tried to plead the Fifth but failed. The response was phenomenal. They received cards, letters and photographs, and we gave them an album to put them all in.

Nanny and Poppy were thrilled and are still ecstatic over all of the memories. We can't thank you enough for printing such a fantastic hint. -- JERRY, KATHY, CAITLIN AND COURTNEY SLACK, BASKING RIDGE, N.J.

DEAR JERRY, KATHY, CAITLIN AND COURTNEY: I can think of few things as priceless as being showered with happy memories. I'm happy to have been of service.

DEAR ABBY: I have been an avid fan of yours for years, but have been reluctant to add to your voluminous pile of mail until now. Concerning the letter in your column about "calendars that feature scantily clad young women," I do not believe your reply was entirely appropriate.

Most large companies have established rules against such sexual harassment. Lockheed Martin Tactical Aircraft Systems Standard Practices 825-3, which includes the display of calendars that are offensive or sexually suggestive, is an example of such rules. Although there are many public laws and federal regulations against harassment, the most comprehensive is Title 7 of the Civil Rights Act.

I hope you will reconsider your reply and let people know that they do not have to put up with sexual harassment no matter how subtle. -- FREDERICK H. CLEVELAND, FORT WORTH, TEXAS

DEAR FREDERICK H. CLEVELAND: I have reconsidered, thanks to overwhelming outcry from more sensitive readers. Pictures of scantily clad women are inappropriate "art" for display in any office.

DEAR READERS: A reminder from a National Fire Protection Association bulletin:

"Never put butter, ointment or any form of grease on a burn. Grease insulates the skin, keeping the heat in, which makes the injury worse.

"Cool a burn by holding the burned skin under cool running water for 10 to 15 minutes. If the burned area is charred or blistered, the victim requires immediate emergency medical attention."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Last week I devoted two days to the wonderful responses I received from readers telling me how they just said "no" to sex. Today I'm devoting my column to more of the responses readers sent regarding this important question:

DEAR ABBY: How should teen-age girls say "no" to sex? My answer: BE HONEST.

After seeing many of my friends regret losing their virginity, I decided I wasn't going to make the same mistake. When I began dating Scott, I told him I wasn't ready to have sex, and if that's what he was looking for, he should go elsewhere.

Well, he stayed. And now, two years later -- we're engaged to be married! I'm living proof that honesty is the best policy. -- BETH PAILTHORPE, MARIETTA, GA.

DEAR ABBY: I thought you might enjoy my daughter Aimee's way of saying "no." It was printed in the December 1994 issue of Reader's Digest.

While attending a small, conservative college, my daughter worked as a veterinarian's assistant. When she transferred to Texas A&M University in College Station, I began worrying about how she would deal with the raging hormones of the young men on campus.

"No problem, Mom," she said. "I always introduce my dates to my cat, Ralph. Then I mention that I neutered him myself."

Her father's comment about our daughter's method was, "She probably doesn't have many second dates." -- LINDA BARNETT, IRVING, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I joined the Air Force when I was 19, so I got a lot of practice saying "no." Most of the guys I dated said they didn't believe the rumors that I didn't put out, and I knew that some of them dated me just to prove to themselves that they could score.

Once the conversation got around to sex, I was pretty straightforward and said I didn't believe in premarital sex. Sometimes the guys would get angry, but they never pushed me. A couple of guys called me a tease, but in the military any girl who doesn't put out is either a "tease" or a "lesbian." That gets the male ego off the hook for his failure to conquer.

My most successful phrase was used when the kissing got out of hand. I would say, "I have stop signs, not yield signs." And I followed it with, "When I say an area of my anatomy is off limits, I mean don't go there!" It usually got a laugh and eased what could have become a tense situation.

A couple of years ago I ran into one of my old boyfriends, and as we were catching up he asked if I had given in before marriage. He then told me that he'd thought about me often throughout the years, as he compared others' morals to mine. Then he said he really respected me and wished more girls were like that.

I know you'll get thousands of responses, but if you print mine, please sign me ... NO REGRETS

DEAR ABBY: My standard reply to a boy who wanted sex was, "Do you want to be a father?" That usually stopped him cold. Then I would say, "I don't want to be a mother, either." And that was usually the end of it.

Once in a while I'd run into someone who carried a condom in his wallet, then I just had to give a firm "NO."

I have passed on this strategy to several girls over the years, and they've always thanked me for the tip. I hope this helps your readers. -- JANIS C. MINER, PITTSFORD, N.Y.

DEAR READERS: I'll devote my Wednesday, Sept. 18, column to more responses from readers. Stay tuned.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)