DEAR ABBY: Bill and I had 46 years together before I lost him to cancer. He was the kind of husband every woman needs.

In 1949, I had nine benign tumors removed from both breasts. Consequently, instead of a pretty bustline, I was left with two "bags."

Six months later, Bill and I were engaged. Three weeks before our wedding day, I found more lumps in my breasts. Heartsick, I told Bill and asked him if he wanted to call off our wedding. I told Bill if they operated again, even the "bags" might not make it.

He put his arms around me and said, "Don't worry, honey, whatever comes, we'll handle it." Then he smiled and added, "I am very fond of tangerines -- I never cared much for grapefruit."

Thank God it turned out to be scar tissue, and I went on to nurse all of our four wonderful children.

Abby, wasn't he a sweetie? -- VIRGINIA IN FLORIDA

DEAR VIRGINIA: Yes. You were blessed with an angel in disguise. My condolences on the loss of your sweetheart, who deserves a special place in heaven.

DEAR ABBY: "Wondering in Florida" expected to inherit a substantial sum of money and wanted information on charities to which she could donate.

I would like to remind her about colleges and scholarship programs when considering where to donate her inheritance. Education is expensive, and many qualified students cannot afford it. Establishing a scholarship program can be very rewarding.

Small colleges are the most forgotten and are in dire need of scholarship programs. Several years ago my husband and I set one up, and we're leaving our estate to a small college from which we graduated.

It is gratifying to know where your money is going. I have compiled a scrapbook of the many thank-you notes we have received from the recipients of our scholarships. Believe me, the money is appreciated! -- GLAD WE DID IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GLAD: Yours is an excellent suggestion. Few deeds are more rewarding than helping a deserving young person create a bright future.

DEAR ABBY: "Angela in Savannah," a pharmacy intern who expressed frustration at the ignorance of her patients, asked, "Have you ever known anyone to EAT a suppository?"

Well, I have. During my nine years of nursing, I have known doctors to prescribe vaginal suppositories to be dissolved in the mouth for oral yeast infections. Guess what? It worked beautifully.

What Angela perceived as ignorance was a lack of communication between patients and the medical community. Consider this: When did the use of suppositories come up in your normal day-to-day conversation? How is one correctly used? Proper use of medication is not intuitive. If we, as medical professionals, convey the message that people would "know" such things, we discourage them from asking. By doing this, we contribute to their ignorance.

Perhaps we've forgotten our roots. The word "doctor" comes from the Latin word "docere," which means "to teach."

The most important lesson I have taught my patients: "There is no such thing as a dumb question." -- A LONGTIME NURSE, MORENCI, ARIZ.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, my son learned that a girl he had dated in high school 30 years ago was living about an hour's drive from where he lived. He hadn't seen or heard from "Susan" since he joined the Air Force in 1966. When he heard that she was in the hospital recovering from heart surgery, he went to see her. Well, that was the end of his marriage to "Jan," a kind, loving wife and mother.

He left a wonderful wife for a selfish, conniving divorced woman. I still consider Jan my daughter-in-law. Never will I accept the home-wrecker he married. He has alienated himself from his brothers and parents.

Abby, please tell people who feel nostalgic never to rekindle an old flame. The fire my son started has burned his entire family. Now, we have only ashes for memories.

Jan still is considered a member of our family. She always is included in family gatherings. He is not even invited. -- BITTER IN OHIO

DEAR BITTER: Although your relationship with your former daughter-in-law was a good one, all could not have been rosy between your son and Jan. Had his marriage been solid, he would not have been tempted by his old flame.

Please talk to your son. Perhaps he had good reason to leave Jan for Susan. If so, be more supportive of his choice and more accepting of Susan. You can remain friends with Jan and include her occasionally, but in the interest of family harmony, make time for your son and his present wife.

DEAR ABBY: I am 60 years old. Somewhere in the past, I acquired the habit of pushing my plate toward the center of the table when I finished eating.

My ladyfriend, who was born and educated in England, says this really gets on her nerves.

I never noticed it before because I have always thought it was proper -- that it signals to the server that you are finished with that course. Please advise. -- SERIOUS IN BOSTON

DEAR SERIOUS: Pushing one's plate toward the center of the table is not proper. To signal the server that you have finished eating and are ready to have your plate removed, place your knife and fork together diagonally across the upper right corner of the rim of your plate. The knife blade should face inward and the fork should be on the inside.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, Mrs. Mamie Geraci of Metairie, La., explained how her late husband, an embalmer, removed rings from the deceased. She said the technique also would work on the living.

When I was 14, my mother gave me an amethyst for Christmas. I have worn it for almost half a century. As the decades passed, my fingers grew fatter and the ring became more and more difficult to remove. Several years ago, it would no longer come off. It was becoming painful, but I didn't want to destroy it by cutting it off.

My wife and I tried Mrs. Geraci's solution, which worked in less than a minute. I am so happy to have the ring off, with both it and my finger still intact.

Thank you for a practical but little-known tip. -- FREDERIC ZERLA, TAMPA, FLA.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The topic of working couples sharing household duties has been addressed in your column, but I've never seen a letter about retired spouses sharing household duties.

I retired two years before my husband, "Jack," did and became a full-time housewife. Now that Jack is also retired, I'm still expected to cook, clean, shop for groceries and do the chores, while he sleeps late, reads the newspaper and watches TV.

If I leave a basket of clean laundry in the utility room, Jack will retrieve clean socks or underwear one item at a time rather than pick up the basket and carry it upstairs.

My husband has always worked hard and deserves a happy retirement, but I also worked outside the home and I, too, would like to take it a little easier. Any suggestions? -- FRUSTRATED IN MISSOURI

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Jack needs training for retirement, just as he was trained for his job. Retirement experts say that if you're both retired, the division of duties should be about equal. Take a pad and pencil, make an appointment with Jack and agree on a division of duties. If you do the cooking, he should do the cleanup. The bigger jobs should also be shared. Be fair and flexible so that your retirement years may be spent on activities that are fun for both of you.

DEAR ABBY: Some time ago I met a wonderful man. We shared many happy moments together, and I fell in love with him. I have always been there for him when he was sick or needed company, and he has done countless favors for me.

When we met, I lied to him and said I was living with my mom; actually I am living with my ex-boyfriend and his cousin. My ex-boyfriend and I are no longer romantically involved. I needed a place to live, so we became roommates.

My lover recently discovered the truth, and he is furious that I lied. He says I betrayed him. I didn't betray him. I didn't tell him because I was afraid I'd lose him.

Now he refuses to take my calls and doesn't answer my pages. He says he wants more "space." I love him more than life itself. How can I make things the way they were? I don't want to lose him. -- ON THE RUN IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR ON THE RUN: You would have been wiser had you told the truth from the beginning. Write him a letter explaining that you lied because you love him and feared losing him. Give your lover the space he needs. Meanwhile, find another roommate.

DEAR READERS: Maj. Eric Junger of the Department of Defense Military Postal Service has asked me to remind my readers that it is not too early to consider mailing your Christmas cards and packages out of the country. Overseas military mail is especially vulnerable to delays during the holiday rush.

To ensure delivery before Christmas, Space Available and Priority Airlift military mail should be sent by Nov. 22. Military cards, letters and priority parcels should be sent by Dec. 2.

International cards, letters and parcel post should also be mailed by Dec. 2. Mail for Canada should go out no later than Dec. 13.

Keep watching the column for this year's Operation Dear Abby addresses. I plan to publish them in early November.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)