DEAR ABBY: My younger brother "Mike" and I are partners in a small manufacturing business. The problem is my brother's explosive temper.

When an employee makes a mistake, Mike literally throws a tantrum, kicking things and cursing at the top of his lungs. This is never done in private. He screams and criticizes the employee in front of anybody who will listen. Since he is "the boss," the employees just take it and silently curse him back. This makes for a miserable work atmosphere.

I have repeatedly told Mike that his tantrums make him look foolish, and his employees should not have to put up with his tirades. He apologizes, then loses his temper all over again.

Unfortunately, I can't fire him or punch him in the nose (which is what he needs!). I don't think he realizes that his behavior is cruel and insulting. How can I get through to him? -- BOTHERED BROTHER

DEAR BROTHER: Your brother's inability to control his explosive temper is unfortunate. His outbursts may have little or nothing to do with the situation that appears to trigger his tantrums.

Anger expressed inappropriately can have devastating effects. As I explain in my booklet "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," counseling helps people learn how to express their anger appropriately. Support groups also may help. For a referral, contact your local mental health agency. You will find it in the Yellow Pages under "Counseling" or "Mental Health Services."

DEAR ABBY: I am writing on behalf of families who have lost a loved one, or have a family member who is seriously ill. Preparing food for the grieving family is one of the ways to show love and concern. However, I would like to suggest that the food be sent in disposable containers.

The last thing families need to worry about is which dish, platter or bowl belongs to whom, or how to return it to the rightful owner.

Many disposable containers are available at minimum expense. Another suggestion would be to shop garage sales for "odds and ends" plates and casserole dishes that are attractive -- but not something that would need to be returned. During difficult times, our efforts should be to make life as easy and uncomplicated as possible. -- DISCREET IN LOUISIANA

DEAR DISCREET: The last time I endorsed disposable dishes the environmentalists disapproved in droves. However, your second suggestion is a very good one if you have the time and money to shop the yard sales. If not, an address label attached to the bottom of the container should ensure its return.

DEAR ABBY: Several weeks ago you printed a letter from a retired police detective. He wrote regarding the woman whose husband insisted on sleeping with their bedroom window open. Has neither of them ever heard of drilling holes in the frames of the upper and lower sections of the window, with the lower window raised approximately 3 to 4 inches, then inserting a long nail or a bolt through the holes?

The windows are then locked in an open position too small for an intruder to gain entry, but with enough space for ventilation.

For many of us who live in areas of the country where air conditioning is necessary only a few days a year, this has been a practical and safe solution. -- A READER FROM THE NORTHWEST

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: May I offer a slightly different point of view regarding "D.S.'s" comments in your column about explicit articles in women's magazines?

As a therapist, I have treated a number of lonely, socially inadequate men and women who have had little social contact with others and lack the skills to develop warm and sexually satisfying relationships. Some of these people have physical disabilities; some are excessively shy, withdrawn or physically unattractive. It is this population, and many of us who are seeking a little escape -- and yes, even titillation (heaven forbid!) -- who read the articles in women's magazines. Personally, I have seen articles that were helpful to women who have had very little exposure to the nuances of their sexuality. In fact, I have recommended several of these articles to clients because they normalize sexuality.

I say to women who are offended by these articles, "Don't buy the magazines." There's room for all kinds of people in this world. What could be more positive than reading about love and sex?

It is my hope that those obsessed with pornographic reading material seek therapy, for that obsession is extreme behavior which indicates the need for intervention. I suggest that "D.S.'s" overly concerned response to magazine articles is indicative of her own problems.

Thank you for giving me a forum. It galls me to see repression by people who need to "get a life." -- BARBARA ROSENKRANTZ, M.A.

DEAR MS. ROSENKRANTZ: Your letter was a breath of fresh air. Obviously a great many readers are interested in the information that frank articles about sex provide, which is the reason publishers are doing such a land-office business at supermarkets.

Only when readers demonstrate that those articles are no longer of interest will the contents of magazines change.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in love with a man my age (40) who has never asked me out. He calls me occasionally and always returns my calls and seems glad to hear from me. He has turned down every invitation I've extended -- with legitimate excuses but no rain checks. He has never mentioned another woman but appears jealous if I mention a man.

I've been a "friend" long enough -- I want more. I've done everything except tell him how I feel. I have been overweight most of the 12 years I have known him, and wonder if this could be the reason he isn't pursuing me. Or is it possible he just hasn't caught on?

Please think hard on this one, Abby, because I've been trying to reel this man in for a very long time. -- GETTING IMPATIENT

DEAR IMPATIENT: If he hasn't responded in 12 years, he's not likely to start now. It's obvious that he regards you as a friend, and nothing more.

If you're willing to settle for friendship, stick around. Otherwise, go fishing in other waters, and you just might come up with the catch of the day.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Influenza, which can be prevented by a simple vaccination, kills as many as 40,000 people each year in the United States. Won't you remind your readers that October to mid-November is the ideal time to receive a "flu" (influenza) shot?

Although flu shots are recommended for all seniors (65 and over), many younger readers should roll up their sleeves, too. Flu shots are also recommended for any person with a chronic illness (such as heart disease, asthma or other lung disease, diabetes and kidney disease), as well as for adults who live or work with people who are at risk for influenza. Flu shots can be given to anyone, including healthy adults who want to reduce the likelihood of becoming ill with influenza this season.

While your readers are requesting their flu shots, they should also ask their physicians if they need a "pneumonia shot." Pneumococcal disease kills about 40,000 people each year in the United States. A one-time "pneumonia shot" is recommended for all adults 65 and over -- yet less than one-third of these adults have been vaccinated against this disease.

If your readers would like to receive brochures about additional vaccinations that are recommended for adults, they should send a long, self-addressed, stamped envelope to: The Immunization Action Coalition, P.O. Box 4627, St. Paul, Minn. 55104.

Flu season is rapidly approaching. It doesn't matter how old you are. Getting immunized is a lifelong, life-protecting job. Don't leave your clinic without making sure you've received all the shots you need. If you don't have a doctor, call your public health department to find out where you can go for shots. -- DEBORAH WEXLER, M.D., EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, IMMUNIZATION ACTION COALITION, ST. PAUL

DEAR DR. WEXLER: Thank you for an important reminder to my readers. According to a recent statement by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the strain of flu virus expected this year is more dangerous than last year's and can lead to deadly complications in elderly people. The current vaccine being offered is effective against this virus and several other strains that are also expected.

Readers, I had my flu shot last week, and my pneumonia shot last December. Both were quick and virtually painless, not to mention cheap and effective health insurance. Don't put it off.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago I agreed to be in the wedding of a former college roommate. Our relationship is not as close today as it was when she asked me. We've had some disagreements and seldom talk to each other now.

Please tell me how I can gracefully get out of being in her wedding. I know that she has several friends who are now closer to her than I am.

Please hurry your answer. -- PERPLEXED

DEAR PERPLEXED: Call her immediately and tell her exactly what you have told me. Considering the circumstances, I think she will appreciate your candor.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)