DEAR ABBY: I have never seen this subject in your column -- shaking hands with patients in hospitals. There has been a lot of information to the effect that we transmit germs when we shake hands with, hug or otherwise touch others.

When I visit patients in a hospital, I refuse to shake hands with them. I tell them they have enough troubles now and they do not need me bringing new and different germs to complicate their problems.

It would seem to me that hospitals would discourage the practice of shaking hands with patients. I would hope that the doctors would support this policy.

Thank you for listening to me. You may use my name. -- HARRY C. WILLIAMS JR., NASHVILLE, TENN.

DEAR MR. WILLIAMS: The doctors do support you in that policy. I recall an infection awareness campaign that was sponsored by the Mayo Clinic (that medical mecca in Minnesota) in which posters were displayed throughout the hospital corridors. Upon each was illustrated a pair of hands, and beneath, the terse message: "The 10 Most Common Causes of Infection."

As a reminder to doctors, nurses and employees of the Mayo Clinic to wash their hands frequently, other posters were displayed bearing this catchy message: "A milligram of handwashing is worth a kilogram of antibiotics." Obviously, the same goes for visitors.

DEAR ABBY: When a very dear relative died several years ago, she left me a small inheritance that I shared with my family and church.

I also bought my closest friend a simple, yet beautiful piece of jewelry, which I have seen her wear only three times over the years. This makes me very sad. I would like to offer to buy it back from my friend. I would wear it often and it would mean a lot to me, as it was originally purchased with my loved one's money.

Abby, is this reasonable, or do you think it would be resented? My friend and I are still close, and I wouldn't hurt her feelings for the world. -- SAD IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR SAD: Yes, offer to buy it back from your friend. I cannot imagine her being resentful or hurt; she probably would be delighted to give it to you. But you have nothing to lose by offering to buy it.

DEAR ABBY: A possible solution to "A Floridian" who wants his remains to remain in Florida while his adult children want him buried next to their mother, his first wife:

Request cremation, and have half the ashes buried in Florida and the other half with the children's mother.

Abby, believe it or not, where to put the remains can be a painful issue. I've got three places I "need to be" after I'm dead (just like in life, huh?), and this is a great solution.

Also, ashes do not have to be scattered. They can be buried, kept on a mantel or subdivided like real estate. -- TRULY SCATTERED IN OREGON

DEAR TRULY SCATTERED: There's wisdom in what you suggest. Better a half-ashed interment than none at all.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Your English-only-or-bust advice to "Annoyed in New Mexico" was yet another offense against those of us who do not fit the mold set for us by middle America. Why should it be considered such an offense for two people to use the language of their choice to each other? If these two couples are so close, the annoyed pair should understand the importance of the Spanish language for their friends. How the couple speak to each other is their own business, and their use of Spanish may go back to reasons that "Annoyed" does not try, or care, to understand.

There are many people here in New Mexico (and elsewhere) whose parents were severely punished for the use of their primary language, Spanish. As a result, the next generation was taught English only. Those of us who learned Spanish later consider it of the utmost importance to remember our heritage and to practice our language. Apparently, the New Mexico Legislature agrees with us: It is the only bilingual lawmaking body in the United States.

Perhaps "Annoyed" should learn a little more about the background of her friends. She may learn something that will make her a little more tolerant. Oh, and you, too, Abby. Sign me ... HABLO ESPANOL EN NUEVO MEXICO (I SPEAK SPANISH IN NEW MEXICO)

DEAR HABLO: You will notice that after your signature, I added the English translation. That's because there are many very nice people who, for one reason or another, do not understand Spanish, but who might want to understand your signature.

I agree it's important for people to preserve their cultural heritage; however, speaking a foreign language in the presence of those who do not understand it excludes them from the conversation, which is considered inexcusably rude in any language.

DEAR ABBY: A week ago I purchased a hair coloring product. As I had previously developed a minor rash after using such a product, I performed the allergy test described in the instructions.

I developed a terrible rash, which is healing very slowly. The inside of my elbow is still itchy, scabby, puffy and red. If I had used this product on my head, I believe I'd be in the hospital right now, having lost all of my hair.

I'm sure there are many people out there who blithely apply such products without heed to the warnings. I have never been allergic to anything in my life. Your readers should take the time to do the allergy test before using any hair coloring or altering product. My rash took six hours to commence, so give it time. You might be very glad you did. I sure am.

Thank you for being there for us all these years, Abby. I'm sure I'm not the only person who, in trying to resolve a problem, tries to think of what Dear Abby would say. -- LEARNED THE EASY WAY, JUNEAU, ALASKA

DEAR LEARNED THE EASY WAY: I, too, am sure that many people apply products without first reading the package inserts and warning labels. But I'm willing to bet that after seeing your letter, some readers will think twice about it and act more cautiously. I know I will. Thank you for the reminder.

DEAR ABBY: I liked your response to "A Friend Who Cares," who was concerned because her friend "Elsa" was apparently drinking again. Abby, it is important for her to speak with Elsa for another reason. If she is not drinking, her symptoms (slurred speech, repeating herself and argumentativeness) might be caused by a neurological disorder, and she should be evaluated by her family physician or a neurologist. -- ELLEN S. GROSH, M.D., PLYMOUTH, MINN.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In October l986, my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. My mother nursed him at home after surgery revealed there was nothing more the doctors could do for him. He was not the ideal husband or father. He had been an alcoholic for 10 years, during which he missed all family events, including my high school graduation. My mother refused to leave him, saying he would only end up homeless on the streets.

After battling the cancer for three painful months, Dad died on New Year's Day. Needless to say, his passing was very hard on Mother. At the end, my father told my mother how sorry he was and thanked her for being such a good wife to him.

A few days before his funeral, Mother decided to go to the bank at the mall to deposit $200 in cash and checks that friends and family had sent us, and which we desperately needed. She stood outside the bank filling out her deposit slip when she realized the bank had not yet opened, so she decided to return the next day.

A few hours after she returned home, there was a knock at the door. I answered it and was greeted by a young couple who explained they had found cash and checks on the counter outside the bank in the mall. In her grief, Mother had left behind her deposit! The couple found her address on her deposit slip and drove around but couldn't find the street. After stopping at a few gas stations for directions with no luck, they finally had to stop and buy a map. They handed me the money, and my mother stood speechless. When I closed the door and turned around, tears were rolling down her face.

We still talk about that incident, wishing we had taken the name and phone number of that young couple. They never knew how much their act of kindness has meant to us. Since then, if we find anything of value, we try our very best to locate its owner. We hope that unselfish couple reads this, because we'd like to finally say thank you. -- ESTHER AND LETICIA WHITAKER, SAN JOSE, CALIF.

DEAR ESTHER AND LETICIA: Thank you for your heartwarming letter, which illustrates that making time to do the right thing can make a world of difference.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter and her husband visit us often with their darling baby girl. The problem is our son-in-law seems to think it's great fun to play "tickle-tickle" with our granddaughter, who is only 3 months old. He tickles the baby constantly, and we cringe every time he does. To us, it looks more like torture.

How can we tell our son-in-law, without hurting his feelings, that we think his behavior is not good for the baby? -- CARING GRANDPARENTS, NASHUA, N.H.

DEAR CARING GRANDPARENTS: Your son-in-law is uninformed about the effect tickling has on babies. He most likely considers his actions playful and harmless, but doctors say that excessive tickling stimulates infants inappropriately and instead of experiencing pleasure, they experience pain. Show this column to your daughter, and ask her to have a talk with her husband.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)