DEAR ABBY: I am 15 years old. I have a pretty easy life except for one thing: My mom hates the way I dress.

I don't wear all the girly stuff my mom wants me to because it is too prissy for me. I wear pants made for guys and T-shirts, and I have a ton of bracelets and necklaces made of chains and metals. My hair is short and I "spike" it out. My mom cannot accept the fact that I express myself in a way that is different from what she likes.

I am a good girl, and I think a very mature teen. I am not into drugs and am not sexually active. My mom never has to tell me to do chores because I do them on my own. She has never pushed me to get good grades because I already get them.

My mom keeps asking why I wear "those ugly pants" and I tell her they are comfortable. I cut my own hair. She threatens that if I ever do that again, I will owe her money. I understand that she wants me to dress like everyone else and look "normal," but that just is not me! We get along fine except for this one issue. If I were to dress to her standards, we would not have a single fight. All the other parents I know couldn't care less what their kids wear just as long as they stay out of trouble and don't do drugs or have sex.

I really don't know what to say or do so she will back off, except I am who I am. Mom will never be able to change that. What do you say, Abby? -- WELL-DRESSED TEEN (BY MY STANDARDS)

DEAR WELL-DRESSED TEEN: Young people often experiment as they develop their own personalities -- it's a form of rebellion. Although your tastes may always differ from your mother's, I'll bet by the time you're college-bound, your dress will be less radical.

If you are achieving as much as you say, there is no need to change. Your mom should relax a bit and remember you can't judge a book by its cover -- especially when it's a work-in-progress.

DEAR ABBY: On Thanksgiving Day, 1988, a friend and I were coming home on U.S. Highway 101 from the San Francisco Bay area. We were about an hour from home (West Los Angeles) when we were in a traffic accident. A car going north hit us on the driver's side, went over our car and landed on the other side of the highway. We were turned southward by the collision.

Almost before I could get out of the car, people were there to help. I heard several people yell, "Call 911!" etc. The lifeguards from Oxnard were there right away. Ambulances came immediately. Several passers-by stopped, got me out of the car and over to the side of the road. They stayed with me until my friend was freed from the car and we were both put into the ambulance. Firemen had to use the "jaws of life" to get my friend out.

Among those who stopped to help were a doctor and a nurse. I had minor injuries, but my friend was badly hurt, and these people probably saved her life.

I never got a chance to thank everyone who stopped. So, from my friend and me: Thank you to all of the people who stop to help others along the road of life, without worrying about the possible consequences to themselves. You are lifesavers.-- ESPECIALLY GRATEFUL IN LOS ANGELES

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to Mary Lou Childs' letter about how parents today are so much more lenient with their kids, and "more concerned with being their children's pals" than with disciplining them.

First, I would like to know whose house she has been visiting. I am a 15-year-old girl, and both my younger sister and I are severely punished for anything our parents find inappropriate. Trust me, it's happened. And I can tell you, Abby, that neither of us whines or carries on when we get punished because if we don't realize our own mistake in the first place, we know that arguing won't change their minds.

Granted, my mother and father set pretty fair rules and usually leave them open for discussion. But this does not mean that we don't have rules at all. If my parents do consult with me on such issues as extending a curfew, it's only because they believe I am old enough to start forming my own opinions and looking out for my own good.

I also found Childs' comment about "when I was a kid" extremely stereotypical of adults. It's time to quit reminiscing about those days. The past is simply that -- over and done with. Maybe parents were more strict "back then," but I feel that growing up is a much more difficult task in the '90s than it was years ago. And please remember that teens today have different circumstances and rules to live by. -- LAURA N. KELLY, JOLIET, ILL.

DEAR LAURA: Thank you for an intelligent letter. Obviously you come from a home where expectations for your ability are high -- but limits are set and enforced. My response to Mary Lou Childs was that many parents seem reluctant to enforce their own rules for fear of traumatizing their little ones, and an excellent way to ensure obedience is to state one's wishes in a tone that lets the child know this is not something open for discussion. Also, Ms. Childs was writing about small children, not young adults.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to Mary Lou Childs of Eugene, Ore. In her letter she complained about how parents today, after telling their children to do something, will follow with, "OK?"

I don't know how everyone in the world does this, but when my parents say, "OK?" they are not asking if that's all right with me or opening it up for discussion. They are making sure I have heard them. (They say I have a case of "selective hearing," as all teens my age do.)

An example that I hear regularly is, "Go to bed at 10:00, OK?" And then I reply with a simple, "Yes," or else I'll go to bed right then no matter what time it is.

Abby, I am just writing to defend my parents and others like them who do not deserve to be insulted by her harsh comment. Please do not print my name. Sign me ... OFFENDED IN ARIZONA

DEAR OFFENDED: Ms. Childs' complaint was less about language and more about the issue of enforcing parental authority. You do not need to defend your parents. They appear to be doing a fine job.

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from Mary Lou Childs -- and you are right! Totally right! One hundred percent right!

I hear it every day: "Don't do that -- OK?"

Part B cancels Part A!

Forty years as a psychiatrist and 35 years as a parent lead me to say, "Dear Abby, thank you once again." -- THOMAS P. LOWRY, M.D., WOODACRE, CALIF.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Today is Thanksgiving Day, so here's my traditional Thanksgiving column.

Take a few minutes to think about what you have to be thankful for:

How's your health? Not so good? Well, thank God you've lived this long. A lot of people haven't. You're hurting? Thousands -- maybe millions -- are hurting more. (Have you ever visited a veterans hospital? Or a rehabilitation clinic for crippled children?)

If you awakened this morning and were able to hear the birds sing, use your vocal cords to utter human sounds, walk to the breakfast table on two good legs and read the newspaper with two good eyes, praise the Lord! A lot of people couldn't.

How's your pocketbook? Thin? Well, most of the world is a lot poorer. No pensions. No welfare. No food stamps. No Social Security. In fact, one-third of the people in the world will go to bed hungry tonight.

Are you lonely? The way to have a friend is to be one. If nobody calls you, call someone. Go out of your way to do something nice for somebody. It's a sure cure for the blues.

Are you concerned about your country's future? Hooray! Our system has been saved by such concern -- concern for fair play under the law. Your country may not be a rose garden, but it also is not a patch of weeds.

Freedom rings! Look and listen. You can still worship at the church of your choice, cast a secret ballot, and even criticize your government without fearing a knock on the head or a knock on the door at midnight. And if you want to live under a different system, you are free to go. There are no walls or fences -- nothing to keep you here.

As a final thought, I'll repeat my Thanksgiving prayer; perhaps you will want to use it at your table today:

O, heavenly Father,

We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service.

That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and may God bless you and yours. -- LOVE, ABBY

An afterthought: Want an instant high? The surest cure for the post-holiday blues is to do something nice for someone. Why not call someone who lives alone and invite him (or her) over for dinner?

Better yet, call and say, "I'm coming to get you, and I'll see that you get home." (Many older people don't drive, and those who do don't like to go out alone after dark.)

Try it. And let me know the results.

P.S. Special greetings to those of you in the military who wrote from remote corners of the world to tell me that you are using my Thanksgiving prayer on this Thanksgiving Day.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)