DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 14 years. He is a good provider and a loving father to our two children.

We are part of a social circle that entertains frequently, and that is where the problem lies. My husband dances with every woman at the party while I sit at the table watching him make all kinds of sexy movements with them. He doesn't ignore me completely, but I am uncomfortable watching him touch all these other women.

If I say anything, my husband argues that I am the one he goes home with, buys the jewelry and gifts for, and comes home to every night. He says my disapproving looks spoil his fun, and claims he just likes to have a good time.

He shows his affection toward me when we are alone. We go on vacations together frequently. He says he loves me and the children and that our marriage is forever. But this dancing thing is bothering me.

How do I handle this? Should I just not pay attention, or try to give him a dose of his own medicine (but I am not the type to go around asking every woman's husband to dance)? -- SITTING ON THE SIDELINES IN NEW YORK

DEAR ON THE SIDELINES: Your husband is acting as though he has nothing to hide, and apparently he doesn't. He comes home to you every day and is affectionate and generous in word and deed.

Since no one else reacts negatively to his dancing, evidently he is not behaving inappropriately. Consider taking some lessons, thereby making yourself a more interesting and enjoyable dance partner. Then perhaps your husband will ask you to dance more often.

DEAR ABBY: This is another true story about a kind act from a man of character: Harry S. Truman.

Many years ago, I was a young Army wife traveling with an infant. I was at Washington National Airport, having been bumped from my connecting flight, badly in need of a bathroom, but I could not leave my baby alone.

A gentleman sitting on the bench with me saw my distress and said, "I will be here for the next half-hour and I am experienced in child care, as I have a young daughter." His face was familiar, but I could not place it until the loudspeaker blared, "Senator Truman, please come to the desk." As he left, he said, "Don't worry, I'll be right back."

He was true to his word, and I felt very comfortable letting the man who had recently been nominated for the vice presidency baby-sit for me. When I returned, he proudly said, "Your baby needed a change, so I found your diaper bag and took care of everything."

How the world has changed! -- NANCY HERTZBERG, PALM BEACH, FLA.

DEAR NANCY: What a wonderfully warm memory of President Truman. Obviously, he could be counted on to do whatever had to be done in any situation. Thank you for sharing it.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from the woman whose husband talked too much reminded me of a humorous incident in which I was involved.

Some years ago a new priest was appointed to our parish. Shortly after he arrived, my wife invited him to our home for dinner as a welcoming gesture. As a special treat, she also invited another couple who were mutual friends. The wife had been a parochial school classmate of the priest, and the husband had been his fraternity brother at the university before he decided to study for the priesthood.

Abby, I love this woman like a sister, but I've often said that she's the only person I know who talks more than my wife. All through the cocktails, hors d'oeuvres and well into dinner that woman dominated -- no, she monopolized -- the conversation.

After we finished the main course, the women went into the kitchen to prepare dessert. At this point, the priest turned to the two of us and said, "You know, celibacy isn't all that bad!" -- NO NAME OR TOWN PLEASE

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: I work at the customer service desk at a popular shopping mall, where I see some very disturbing things. For example, lost children are brought to us until their parents miss them and seek help. It's not uncommon for parents to leave small children watching a display, telling them, "Stay right here -- I'm going to do a little shopping." Children have little conception of time, and will sometimes panic, thinking they have been abandoned.

When they finally locate their lost children, the parents get angry at the kids -- often spanking them and verbally berating them for getting lost. Don't they realize that it's the adults' responsibility to keep their eyes on their child -- and not the other way around?

Something else we see all too often is a parent telling the child, "If you don't behave, that policeman -- or security guard -- will get you." This makes children afraid to approach a policeman if they need help. I have seen children ask complete strangers to help them find their mommy rather than Security because they are afraid of policemen.

I don't have any children, but I feel lucky to be able to dry the eyes of lost children and help them find their parents. What if they asked for help from the wrong person? Like it or not, there are a lot of evil people out there just looking for the opportunity to abduct a lost child.

Abby, this may be too long to print, but I know you can shorten it and say it better. Perhaps seeing this in print will open some eyes. -- JAN BRANDENBURG, CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE, BIRMINGHAM, ALA.

DEAR JAN BRANDENBURG: Your letter required no editing. It is perfect just the way you wrote it. Thank you for a valuable letter and a plainspoken wake-up call to many parents who need to see it.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law phones me daily. The calls are answered in case of emergency, but if I don't make an excuse to cut the conversation short, she can interrupt my day to the tune of 40 minutes or more.

Several years ago I asked her not to call so often. Much as I love family, I have friends, kids, hobbies, cooking -- in short, a life. I call my own mother weekly, not daily.

Even her own kids say she can never get enough. If you call her, it's not often enough; same for a visit, except you didn't stay long enough or eat enough food. She's retired now, so it's gotten worse.

How can I get her to leave me alone and get a life? I am ... STILL MAKING EXCUSES IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR STILL MAKING EXCUSES: Get an answering machine and screen your telephone calls. Your mother-in-law can leave a message. And you can return her call at your convenience.

DEAR ABBY: I am an elderly widow who lives alone. I'm writing to share a special kindness one of my daughters does for me.

Sue visits me for a weekend about once a month. When she comes, she brings a collection of one-portion frozen treats that reflects her cooking during the month. There are portions of her big batches of soup, spaghetti sauce with meatballs, stews, etc. I no longer cook things like that just for myself, so they are welcome indeed. She says that when she's cooking, it makes her happy to put aside a serving for me.

Every time I take one of her entrees from my freezer, I'm reminded of her love and thoughtfulness, and what a lucky mother I am. Don't you agree? -- PATRICIA MURPHY, WILMINGTON, DEL.

DEAR MRS. MURPHY: Absolutely! Count your blessings. You have the luck of the Irish.

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DEAR ABBY: After reading in your column about the man who insisted on picking up hitchhikers, I had to tell you about a tragedy I witnessed several years ago while I was on vacation.

I arrived at my destination and was met by my girlfriend, whom I had come to visit. At a stop sign on the way to her house from the airport we saw three men leaning against some bales of hay. They approached our car and asked for a ride. Because our back seat was filled with luggage and groceries, we refused.

We looked back and saw them approach another car that stopped behind us, but thought nothing of it until the next day when we heard on the news that a man and his car were missing. From the description we knew immediately it was the car behind us at the stop sign. We called the sheriff and reported what we had seen.

The next day the news reported that the three hitchhikers had been spotted in Montana. Two days later, the wrecked and abandoned car was located, but there was no sign of the driver. A week after his disappearance, the man's badly beaten body was found on a country road.

The three hitchhikers were later seen on a busy Montana highway and picked up and questioned. Then a witness came forward who had seen them with the owner of the car. The hitchhikers finally confessed to murdering the unfortunate driver because he would not give them more money.

When I got home, I told my brother about my close call and he stopped picking up hitchhikers. I hope my true story will serve as a warning to anyone who thinks it's safe to pick up someone who's thumbing a ride. -- A WISCONSIN READER

DEAR WISCONSIN READER: A number of people wrote to say they had safely given rides to hitchhikers years ago. But too many tragedies have occurred in recent years to good Samaritans who generously offered rides to strangers. Just as it is no longer safe to leave our doors unlocked, it is no longer safe to offer rides to strangers. And contrary to popular lore, it wasn't entirely safe in days gone by. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Back in the Midwest in the fall of 1948, my husband and I drove to Chicago to buy a car. At about 6 a.m. on the return trip, we passed through a small settlement near Fort Leonard Wood in Missouri and saw two young men thumbing a ride. They were wearing civilian clothes, but since it was a couple of days before Thanksgiving, we thought they were soldiers on a weekend or holiday pass.

As they neared our car, I felt uneasy, but we stopped anyway and let them get in the back seat.

We had gone only a few miles down the road when the Highway Patrol roared up with their lights flashing, pulled us over, and came up to both sides of our car with their guns drawn. They asked if we had picked up our passengers a few miles back. We, of course, said, "Yes."

They hauled the two young men out of our car, found them armed and cuffed them. Then the officers read us the riot act for picking up strangers.

Abby, those men had stashed a car behind a shed before coming out to the road to hitch a ride. An observer thought it looked suspicious and reported it to the Highway Patrol. We found out later the men had started a crime spree in New York City and left a trail of stolen cars halfway across the country. When someone gave them a ride, they'd wait for a quiet place along the road, force the driver out of the car at gunpoint and take off with the car. They had killed some of the drivers and wounded others.

Abby, death was riding in our back seat that morning. Thank goodness our guardian angels were on duty, because we had five little ones at home.

Tell the kind-hearted husband who believes hitchhikers are all good people that for every honest, needy "thumber" there are a jillion no-goods out there, and his first concern should be his wife and loved ones. -- A LUCKY OKIE

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