DEAR ABBY: April 20-26 is Organ Donor Week. Because there is a shortage of donors, more than 49,000 Americans are waiting for lifesaving organ transplants.

For those who have decided to be donors: First and foremost, INFORM YOUR FAMILY! Even if you have signed an organ donor card (many states use the back of the driver's license), your family must consent to the donation before it can occur.

Abby, in the past you have printed a beautiful composition regarding organ donation. Printing it again could help in promoting donor awareness. Please do it for all of those who are waiting for the gift of life.

As a heart recipient, and on behalf of all other organ recipients, I want to express my gratitude to the families who, in the midst of their grief, generously donated the organs of their loved ones. Thank you and may God bless you. -- JACK ADAMS, HOOVER, ALA.

DEAR MR. ADAMS: Thank you for a powerful letter, and for the reminder that National Organ and Tissue Donor Awareness Week is a time of tribute to the thousands of compassionate and generous donor families who have consented to the gift of life, so that others might live.

Organs are matched with people on a national waiting list according to blood and tissue type and medical need, among other factors. The system of organ allocation is fair and highly ethical. Contrary to what some believe, most religions consider organs the ultimate charitable gift.

It is vital that individuals who wish to become organ donors discuss their decision with their families, since family consent is required.

The essay "To Remember Me," written by the late Robert Test, first appeared in my column in 1977. Copies suitable for framing may be obtained from The Living Bank, P.O. Box 6725, Houston, Texas 77005. The Living Bank also provides informational literature and organ donor cards. Information and donor cards can also be obtained from the National Kidney Foundation, 30 E. 33rd St., New York, N.Y. 10016, or contact your local organ procurement organization.

TO REMEMBER ME

The day will come when my body will lie upon a white sheet neatly tucked under four corners of a mattress, located in a hospital busily occupied with the living and dying. At a certain moment, a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that, for all intents and purposes, my life has stopped.

When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine. And don't call this my deathbed. Let it be called the Bed of Life, and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives.

Give my sight to the man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face or love in the eyes of a woman.

Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain.

Give my blood to the teen-ager who was pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play.

Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week.

Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body and find a way to make a crippled child walk.

Explore every corner of my brain. Take my cells, if necessary, and let them grow so that someday a speechless boy will shout at the crack of a bat, and a deaf girl will hear the sound of rain against her window.

Burn what is left of me and scatter the ashes to the winds to help the flowers grow.

If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses, and all the prejudice against my fellow man.

Give my sins to the devil. Give my soul to God. If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you. If you do all I have asked, I will live forever.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Three weeks ago, after five years of marriage, my husband and I separated. During our five years together we accomplished many of our dreams. We purchased a home, opened the business he wanted and took our dream vacation. We're not from wealthy families, so we sacrificed to make our dreams come true and put off having children, which we both wanted very much.

I believed that marriage should be a 50/50 proposition, and so did my husband before we got married. Once we were married, it turned out that he thought household chores were the woman's responsibility. For the entire five years of our marriage, we struggled over this issue and argued over the smallest things.

For example, he'd get upset if I didn't pick up his plate after he ate, and I would get upset if he didn't pick it up himself. It bothered him so much he finally confessed there were times when he would eat out before coming home in order to avoid a confrontation.

In our last attempt at compromise, I told him I'd agree to do everything for him if he would support me and let me quit work. (I have a full-time job that is quite demanding.) I told him we could go back in time and live the way people used to live in the 1950s. His response was, "We're in the '90s and women are supposed to work. Look around and see. That's the way it is. Accept it."

So I'm asking you, Abby. Is that how a marriage in the '90s is? Am I wrong to believe that marriage should be 50/50? -- CONFUSED IN LAREDO

DEAR CONFUSED: No marriage is ever strictly 50/50. It is a series of compromises on the part of both parties, so that neither bears the entire burden of household responsibilities, financial obligations and emotional support.

Ideally a couple create their own balance and bolster each other in areas where the other is weak.

Your husband's demand that you bear the entire responsibility for the household chores plus hold a full-time job is chauvinistic. Show him this column and tell him he's the one who needs to look around and see how it is in the '90s.

DEAR ABBY: I am so furious I can hardly see to write this letter. Last week a man I met recently invited me to have dinner with him. We agreed on the day and time. It is now 45 minutes past the time he was supposed to pick me up and he has not called, and by now I don't expect him to.

Abby, I have been stood up by so many men that I am surprised when a planned date actually happens. I'm not talking about men who say, "I'll call you sometime," or "Let's get together sometime." I am referring to those who make a specific date with a specific activity planned. I am too embarrassed to talk to anyone about this; therefore, I don't know if this is normal behavior or not.

My question to you is this: The next time I get stood up, instead of ignoring it, would you suggest I call the man with whom I had the date and tell him that if he wanted to cancel our plans, he should have had the courtesy to call and tell me? -- ON MY WAY TO SEE A MOVIE WITH A GIRLFRIEND

DEAR ON MY WAY: It is extremely rude to make specific plans and then fail to show up, whether it is a date or an activity between friends. A phone call to the person who stood you up would not be out of line. Remind him or her that sometimes the sins of omission are far more cruel than the sins of commission.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: For the last seven months, I was involved in a serious relationship with "Rocky." I became close with his parents as well. I baked cookies with his mother, watched television with his father and was considered part of the family.

Rocky and I began having difficulties. In the middle of one of our "breakups," his mother called me and told me how much she missed me. Even considering our young ages (16 and 17), she confessed she had hoped to see us marry one day. Her concern for my well-being touched me and I was grateful for her attention.

My relationship with Rocky has finally ended. It was my decision because I think he has a lot of growing up to do, and I don't see myself in his immediate future. But I miss the bond I had with Rocky's parents. Am I expected to remain friends with them, or do I now ignore their existence? I would appreciate any advice you can give me. -- C.F. IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR C.F.: You may find that as time passes, you will not be so eager to spend time with Rocky's parents. However, in the meantime, there is nothing to prevent you from maintaining a friendship with them if everyone is comfortable with the arrangement. Ask them how they feel about staying in touch with you.

DEAR ABBY: Why aren't you more honest with your readers and tell them why so many men are nervous about marriage? It's because the price of marriage is simply too high for most men. The majority lose 50 percent of their assets and 100 percent of their children when they divorce. They are the ones who pay child support. They are the ones who pay alimony. Men are the defendants in 70 percent of divorce cases and are blamed for most of the problems in a relationship.

Nobody would expect a man to invest in a business with a 50 percent failure rate and long-term financial and emotional consequences. So why are women surprised when men balk at such a foolhardy commitment as marriage?

For the sake of candor, please publish my letter. -- WISER IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WISER: Anyone who considers marriage a "foolhardy commitment" should stay single. Most people enter into marriage thinking it will work, and when it doesn't the fault is rarely one-sided.

DEAR ABBY: I recently came across a book my beloved late wife had stored away. It is called "Tell Me a Story," written by the late actor Charles Laughton. The book contains 60 short pieces which he read aloud to audiences for many years. The next day I read your column on the response to the grassroots literacy project Rolling Readers. How fitting!

Charles Laughton was a personal friend of mine, starting in the late '40s when I appeared with him in the production of Bertolt Brecht's play "Galileo." My wife, Nora Dunfee, spent her later years as a screen actress. You may have seen her. She played the elderly Southern lady in "Forrest Gump" who tells Forrest that he need not take the bus to find Jenny's house. She passed away while still active as a master teacher of speech at New York University's Tisch School of the Arts, where she taught for 28 years.

I am semiretired and am in the process of restoring the house where my wife was born on Christmas Day in 1915. In it will be a library containing over 1,000 books she collected during her 60-year teaching career.

In honor of my wife and all others who live to read, I'm looking forward to starting a chapter of Rolling Readers here in this tiny village. Thank you for this prized information. -- DAVID CLARKE, BELMONT, OHIO

DEAR DAVID: No village is too small to benefit from the Rolling Readers literacy project. I'm delighted you found the column helpful and wish you every success. For those who have missed it, the phone number for Rolling Readers is: (800) 390-READ. You can also write to P.O. Box 927315, San Diego, Calif. 92192, or visit the Web site at http://www.rollingreaders.org.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)